Afternoon Frivolity

So, today was interesting.

My son has had a cold for quite some time, and in the manner of a true asthmatic, it settled into his lungs. Where it has rattled around for quite a while, steadily creeping into just a bit more but maybe it's not anything to be alarmed about yet but maybe it is and let's just treat it with some more medicine and maybe let's add this one and for kicks, just one more -

and then today we ended up in the allergist office, getting back to back breathing treatments that were tethered to an oxygen tank, with steroids added. And there were tears and tantrums and yelling and screaming - and maybe some of that was me and maybe it wasn't.

I'm just saying it was a rough day for some of us. We left with a handful of prescription papers, diagnosed with asthma (which sounds so vanilla and bland and is nowhere near descriptive enough for the feeling of breathing underwater through a straw while your ankles are cemented to the ground and your great big uncle sits on your chest) as well as infected eczema.

It was a day. And then we went to Target.

After we dropped off the prescriptions, we had 30 minutes to kill. I love to kill me some time in a Target, and I had two girls and a boy with me, so of course we went to the toy aisles. The girls wanted to hover all around the pink aisle, and the boy child was desperate to handle some Star Wars Lego something or another, and so I did the old "Stand at the end of the aisle so that I can see both sets of kids at the same time" and let them look. The boy child asked permission to walk to the other end of the aisle and look at CALL OF DUTY - a game that I have yet to approve that has a siren call people over 40 cannot hear.

We aren't buying it, that's what I mean to say.

While he was looking at it, he was approximately 8 feet from me. Across the aisle. No further.

"Hey there, do you go to XX school?"

I looked away from my daughters - who I had just looked at - and back to my son, to see a man talking to him. I could hear every word. My son was wearing his school uniform, with the school name embalzoned across the chest. It's not exactly inconspicious, and my son answered in the affirmative.

"Do you like that school?"

My eyebrows furrowed, and I wondered why this man - who had no shopping cart, carried no merchandise and had no one else with him - was talking to my son. My mommy radar was not yet blaring, but the volume had kicked up a notch.

My son said yes once again. He's a polite boy, one who doesn't like to cause drama and will not say anything negative to any adult.

"What grade are you in? How old are you?"

With that, the mommy radar BLARED and I called my son over to me. Right then.

I'd had enough.

We stood in the aisle for a minute talking about what happened, and the man, who had walked away, came back. He explained that he and his wife attended a different church and were interested in the school.

I don't care. I didn't say anything to him. 

Maybe it was exactly like he said. Maybe. I don't care.

When we got to the car, I explained to the kids why I didn't like it. My kids didn't understand - to them, if an adult asks you a question, you answer it. It's rude to ignore an adult to them.

I'm going to try to figure out the words to explain without using the words that scare.

Now, pardon me while I go try to search through my house for something sweet to eat. My nerves, they be shot today.

Comments

[Tara]

Your mother instincts were on overtime today. They deserve chocolate.

[Amy]

Creepy.

[Cathy]

I think your intuition was perfectly reasonable. Interesting paradox of teaching your kids when it's OK to be rude or at least not that informative and skeptical.

That guy should have known better - if he was interested in the church/school, he should have found you and asked you about it, not the kid.

[bama Cheryl]

Yikes - understandably shot.

[Lisa]

I have told my children that they have to be polite to adults they know (friends, teachers, etc.) or to adults they don't know if they are with me, but that they are to be as rude as necessary to any stranger trying to talk to them if I am not around. They can run away, scream, ignore, etc.

[Thumper]

You have radar for a reason...if the guy was interested in the school he would have asked to speak to you, and only then asked your kid more questions.

I didn't care if I put some fear into my kid about strangers; I'd already gone through someone trying to snatch him while I was *right there* and after something like that, all bets are off. There are some really horrible people out there who do horrible things to kids, and he did not speak to them unless I said it was all right. And that was his answer to adults: stepped back and said, "Let me get my mom." I'm not sure what I would have done if he'd has special needs, but I never worried about what a little healthy fear would do to him.

He also knew the statistics: men are far more likely to harm kids than women. If he got lost in a store, he was to go to a female first, preferably one who worked there. If no, then a man who worked there, but women first, always.

I think kids need to understand, it's not rude to not speak to an adult they have not been introduced to by their parents. Strangers are just that until Mom or Dad says otherwise, and an adult who means no harm won't take offense.

[Joelle]

Sounds like your mommy radar was spot on! Do you read the Faith and Family Live blog? There was just a post about this over the weekend. http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/features/fight_or_flight1?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%253A+faithandfamilylive+%5BFaith+%26+Family+Live%21%5D#When:19:57:59Z
This jumped out at me: "Kindness, manners, obedience—we work very hard on these virtues. We want daughters and sons who are friendly, polite, and giving. We need to balance this with wholeness, confidence, and boundaries."
Also, that post refers to an article by Elizabeth Foss, which (tho mostly aimed at daughters) is also a great read on this subject.

[addy]

eeeek good call. Hope you found the chocolate.

[WebSavvyMom]

-->Good for you!

*I* don't even talk to other kids in stores because I think it would seem strange AND I HAVE A KID.

The only exception was when I heard a tween girl say loudly that she hated her mother. I said, I'm fairly certain that's not true and if she heard you, her feelings would be hurt.

Then I moved on.

[Amy]

Good for you mama-- better to seem paranoid that the alternative!

[Amy]

*than. Silly autocorrect. I was going to leave it, but I just couldn't!

[Laura H.]

Go Mom Radar!! My kids know if they get lost in a store, find a woman. Preferably one with kids, and she will help them. It is so hard, though, to know how to keep your kids safe without risking over-anxiety in the kids. When we talk about "stranger danger" I try to make it a two-way discussion; I'll bring up a topic, lay out the basics (don't get into the car with a stranger, no matter WHAT THEY SAY), and then we'll talk about scenarios, what steps we can take (i.e. having a password), and what they can do if it comes up. My kids seem to feel less scared, and more empowered, if they can come up with scenarios in which the situation happens and they react safely. (Long winded comment! Not enough coffee yet LOL)

[Beth]

you actually need vodka after that!

[lisa]

Your post made me think! Because I would have been that man--I talk to anyone, children included. I would not have thought twice about engaging your son in conversation if I wanted to know about the school. Maybe I should be more careful? Or is it because I'm a woman that it's OK? Interesting.

[Sandra]

that's would've had me rattled as well. my son is almost 10 years old, and i won't let him wonder off to another part of the store without me either. once you've figured out the wording and how to approach your children about the stranger danger scenario let us know.

[LizP]

Better to overreact in a situation like this than to not react and have something bad happen!

Besides, was the guy stupid? You don't walk up to a kid you don't know and talk to them?

[Gwen]

It is sad that people can't talk to kids in a friendly manner without people thinking they are weirdos. I have two kids - and if I'm standing right there - I think it is fine when people talk to them. Older people, especially, love to talk to my kids and ask them all kinds of questions. And if they wear a shirt with the school logo on it - it seems a pretty normal question to say, "Do you go to xyz school?" And maybe the guy was creepy, I wasn't there. But your description of his conversation doesn't sound that sneaky or alarming and it seems clear that if you could hear every word - you obviously were right there.

And really, of course you have to have a plan, and a line in the sand - especially if mom or dad isn't standing right there. It is just sad that we have to feel all guilty if we make small talk with a child at the store, or doctor's office, etc. I do it. I'll say hi to a little kid, or play peek a boo in the check out line. I might ask if they like school, or what grade they are in, do they like legos? So I guess I'm a weirdo!

[beth]

If was interested in a school rec, he SHOULD HAVE asked you.
Take thee to a gas station and get a king sized snickers ice cream bar.
I'm enjoying one right now :)

[Carly]

Sweets hell, pour yourself a drink. You always follow your gut. Thats sounded WAY off track!! Hope the rest of your week is better!! And everyone is breathing better soon! :)

[UKCraftySal]

After a day like that, I'm amazed you can formulate a sentence, let alone a whole blog post. You definitely did the right thing as regards your radar. I'm confident you'll find the right words with your kids. xx

[kyooty]

It was very polite of your child to keep their manners and for you to give the guy the benefit of the doubt but I'm glad you listened to your momma bear. Also I'd be reporting this...
Didn't a 9yrold just go missing lately?

[DC Mom]

Read "Free Range Kids." You'll feel a lot better and a lot less paranoid.