And now, what?
This is a query from a long time beloved reader. A few details have been changed to protect the privacy of the truly innocent.
I'm pregnant... 5 months, yay!... with my first child and I'm trying to get some insight into my husband, but I don't want to ask our friends and embarrass him. I know they say a man doesn't become a father until the baby is born, but I'm just worried that he isn't as "into it" as I am. I love him and he is a wonderful husband and I know he will be a phenomenal father, but he really doesn't do well with change - AT. ALL. This baby was talked about, planned for, and he was "ready" BUT... he had no interest in registering for anything, or even looking at what I've registered for, he is annoyed that he has to move his stuff around to free up a room for the nursery, and last night, when I tried to get him feel the baby kick, he didn't want to because it was "creepy".
I wasn't planning on doing a birth class... this may be our first baby, but I've done a lot of nannying for brand new babes, researching, reading, etc. and feel like I am prepared and I felt like the grody videos might freak him out... but now I'm wondering if we should take a class to help HIM prepare for this life change. He doesn't want to cut the cord and he's said he is staying up by my head so he doesn't have to see anything gross (which I am ok with, because it IS kinda yucky down there!)...
SO... My questions:
1) Is this "normal" behavior for a husband? Did your husband freak a little with your first child?
2) Do you think a birth class would help prepare him, or just make matters worse?
I know you don't know me from a stranger in Target, but you seemed like the right person to ask!
So, thanks for asking - you gave us something to talk about while I was driving my husband all over the city last night in hopes of confusing him - I didn't tell him I was taking him for chocolate fondue and I didn't want the surprise to be over too quickly.
First of all, he says, it's totally normal for a husband. The baby is a concrete subject to the mother - her body is changing, she feels weird, she can feel the baby move - her entire life has become consumed by the new baby, even though she can't see it. The husband can forget, for great stretches of time, that there is even a baby around. It also takes a LOT of the attention away from the husband, and even if he won't DARE to admit it - he might be jealous.
My hubby also says that he NEVER cut the cord because it IS totally gross - but he did cut the cord. I was there. Each time. I saw it. Let's face it, though. A lot of childbirth IS gross - so let him be up by your head. A class would be a good idea, so says my hubby, because it does help to prepare him mentally for everything that is going to happen. I was one of those natural birth hippie type people, and he so totally wasn't - but we still made it through - even though I kept grossing him out. :)
And my hubby says he's just not going to be "into it" until the baby is born - if he was "into it" - it'd be kind of odd.
So sez the hubster.
But what do the faithful readers say?