This One Time, At a Conference, I Had an Epiphany

Screen shot from a session at the Blissdom Conference

 So, this is going to be rambling and angsty and at it's core - all about me. Because that's what this blog is, at the very basic - the entire blog is about me. Sure, I talk about my kids, my husband, my enteractions with people and places -

but it's colored by my outlook. My perceptions, my energy.

This one time, at Blissdom - I had an epiphany. An epiphany, defined as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience - it means exactly what it sounds like.

I wrote, in a earlier post, that I had an experience with a mean girl. I actually had three, and all three of those women were SOMEONE. And the reality is, this isn't the first time that I've had a less than pleasant experience with  a person who is SOMEONE.

People who are SOMEONE often love to know that they are SOMEONE. But when they become SOMEONE, they forget that they were once NO ONE. They were once a woman, sitting on her couch, typing words as they flew out of her fingers, quite possibly over the noise of her kids or the irritation of her husband or the inner rumblings of her own mind or the phone ringing or the doorbell with 1000 neighbors showing up to play. She wasn't always SOMEONE.

Segue.

When I first went to a blogging conference, about 6 years ago - I was a shameless mess. I tried to meet EVERYONE who I thought was going to help me BECOME SOMEONE.I was going to MAKE SERIOUS MONEY, y'all. I dropped cards left and right, made a pest of myself by jumping in to conversations between people who WERE someone, and generally made a complete and total fool of myself. I'm surprised that people are still talking to me. i didn't do that after the first year.

I've tried, as much as I can, to change my ways, to learn from my mistakes. Part of the reason is that the overachieving, always "on" - that's not me. I wasn't comfortable with who these efforts made me.

I had, for a good long while, been somewhat less than happy than I am not an "A-lister" - a person with multiple companies screaming to work with me, thousands upon thousands of Twitter followers and known to almost everyone.I was desperate to be the blogger who made the money, in order to validate the effort that I've put into growing this site for TEN YEARS. TEN YEARS of your life is a long, long time to devote to something that is a labor of love -

Wait. Stop right there.

It's a labor of love. I LOVE my site. Love what I've worked so hard to do.

Epiphany: I no longer want to be that "A lister". The run ins I've have with those A listers over the past four or so years have proven to me that I do not want to be the person who hurts other people, is cavalier with their feelings, and ignores those around her - unless my efforts are making that person feel like a bigger success - with absolutely no effort at all of getting to know me. Not all "A-listers" are that way - many are warm and kind, but just like life

There are mean girls everywhere and I most emphatically DO NOT want to be a mean girl. Even if it means more money.

Although I was talking about this with a friend, who told me that she listed me as a "A-lister".

HAHA. As if.

Segue.

While at Blissdom, I attended a concert put on by Chris Mann. He sang for Blissdom last year and the years before, and he was on the first episode of The Voice - and then chosen by Christina Aguilera (!!!) We had a concert and after, he was kind enough to take pictures with each of us. While I was having my photo taken, I asked him if I could talk with him about some questions I have about my daughter.

My daughter who loves to sing, loves to be on stage, and is a 100% natural for the stage. Who auditioned for theater school and I am absolutely clueless as to how I can help her.

He not only offered to talk later at the party, he REMEMBERED who I was - by NAME - AND what I wanted to talk about and spent about 15 minutes patiently answering my questions - and he is DEFINITELY an "A-lister".

My arms look ENORMOUS in every picture

THAT, right there - that is what I want to be. Someone who is warm and kind and gracious and takes the time to talk to everyone. To make other people feel at ease when they are with me, to just flat out be nice.I want to make people feel how special they are, how important they are -

It's not about the money.

Although, you know, I really like money. But I like being true to me more.

Does that even make sense??

 

 

Comments

[Headless Mom]

Yes, yes, and yes. I can't wait to catch up for real. Sounds like you ended up having a good time. I'm glad.

PS-I still see you as an A-lister. ;-)

[Tara]

I love you just the way you are, A, B, C or otherwise. But I'm all for you making the money too! There are people who manage both and I have no doubt you will be one of them.

[addy]

You can be both Carmen! That's what these conferences are for I think. Epiphanies for everyone ..... And Chris sounds like an amazing person!

[Angela]

Comments are closed on the other post...I have four lines of Hebrew script among my 7 tattoos...I think Hebrew makes a lovely tattoo...can't wait to see yours!

[Angela]

And this post brings to mind:

It's nice to be important,
But it's more important to be nice.

If we all remembered this, what a better world this would be.

[Sarahviz]

I love you. And you ARE A-lister in my book!

[Elizabeth]

For what it's worth, Carmen, I read every post you write and follow your links, and I truly have no idea who the A-lister bloggers are. I thank you for sharing your journey with us! Sure, it's all about you, that's what makes it interesting.

[kalisa]

HELL. YEAHZ. Love you more'n ma luggage. Truly.

[Emily C]

Wanna know a secret? I don't enjoy reading any "A-lister" blogs anymore.

But you're someone whose writing I enjoy, even though we've never met.

So congratulations on not being an A-lister! You're just on my awesome list.

[Pat]

Just a thought--Where is it written that if YOU become an "A-lister", YOU must, therefore, become a "MEAN GIRL?"

[MelissaS]

Seriously, you are on my "A-list" of what to read in my queue of blogs each day. And I appreciate that you keep on keeping it real around here!

[Brandy]

I love your blog. You are kind and while it sounds simple, you are genuinely nice. I wish the absolute best for you, whatever that may be and hope that the money that will help you follows soon!

[LisaK]

Carmen, I know its not why you wrote this, but you are an 'A' Lister to me. I check in on your blog everyday because I love to read what you have to say.

[maggie]

Hi Carmen, I'm happy you had that epiphany! Although I feel badly about the way you have been treated, sometimes it takes that to actually grow. I think we all have wanted to be the "A-Lister" at some point in our lives....who needs it! Just be you and you'll be fine. I love reading what you have to say and yes, kindness does matter! And mean people suck!

[beth]

You are an A-Lister to us! Seriously! YOU are why I got into blogs to begin with.
So thanks for being you.

[Laura]

Due to some technical issues (my computer didn't exactly blow up, but the insane virus that a certain anti-virus program made worse... explosion would have been less maddening) I've fallen a little behind in reading here. But I'm back, and I'm going to echo everyone and say to me, you are an A-lister. No doubt about it. On the rare occasions I've thought about starting my own blog, you are who I think of. Because I like how you use YOUR space here, and that's very cool. Oh, and sorry about the mean girls! There are a couple of mean-girls I keep bumping into, as their circle overlaps mine a little. I have a trick for dealing with them...

[kyooty]

It makes so much sense. I've been blogging for 7yrs the last year has mostly been being a Listener not an A-lister. :)