Screen shot from a session at the Blissdom Conference
So, this is going to be rambling and angsty and at it's core - all about me. Because that's what this blog is, at the very basic - the entire blog is about me. Sure, I talk about my kids, my husband, my enteractions with people and places -
but it's colored by my outlook. My perceptions, my energy.
This one time, at Blissdom - I had an epiphany. An epiphany, defined as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience - it means exactly what it sounds like.
People who are SOMEONE often love to know that they are SOMEONE. But when they become SOMEONE, they forget that they were once NO ONE. They were once a woman, sitting on her couch, typing words as they flew out of her fingers, quite possibly over the noise of her kids or the irritation of her husband or the inner rumblings of her own mind or the phone ringing or the doorbell with 1000 neighbors showing up to play. She wasn't always SOMEONE.
When I first went to a blogging conference, about 6 years ago - I was a shameless mess. I tried to meet EVERYONE who I thought was going to help me BECOME SOMEONE.I was going to MAKE SERIOUS MONEY, y'all. I dropped cards left and right, made a pest of myself by jumping in to conversations between people who WERE someone, and generally made a complete and total fool of myself. I'm surprised that people are still talking to me. i didn't do that after the first year.
I've tried, as much as I can, to change my ways, to learn from my mistakes. Part of the reason is that the overachieving, always "on" - that's not me. I wasn't comfortable with who these efforts made me.
I had, for a good long while, been somewhat less than happy than I am not an "A-lister" - a person with multiple companies screaming to work with me, thousands upon thousands of Twitter followers and known to almost everyone.I was desperate to be the blogger who made the money, in order to validate the effort that I've put into growing this site for TEN YEARS. TEN YEARS of your life is a long, long time to devote to something that is a labor of love -
Wait. Stop right there.
It's a labor of love. I LOVE my site. Love what I've worked so hard to do.
Epiphany: I no longer want to be that "A lister". The run ins I've have with those A listers over the past four or so years have proven to me that I do not want to be the person who hurts other people, is cavalier with their feelings, and ignores those around her - unless my efforts are making that person feel like a bigger success - with absolutely no effort at all of getting to know me. Not all "A-listers" are that way - many are warm and kind, but just like life
There are mean girls everywhere and I most emphatically DO NOT want to be a mean girl. Even if it means more money.
Although I was talking about this with a friend, who told me that she listed me as a "A-lister".
HAHA. As if.
While at Blissdom, I attended a concert put on by Chris Mann. He sang for Blissdom last year and the years before, and he was on the first episode of The Voice - and then chosen by Christina Aguilera (!!!) We had a concert and after, he was kind enough to take pictures with each of us. While I was having my photo taken, I asked him if I could talk with him about some questions I have about my daughter.
My daughter who loves to sing, loves to be on stage, and is a 100% natural for the stage. Who auditioned for theater school and I am absolutely clueless as to how I can help her.
He not only offered to talk later at the party, he REMEMBERED who I was - by NAME - AND what I wanted to talk about and spent about 15 minutes patiently answering my questions - and he is DEFINITELY an "A-lister".
THAT, right there - that is what I want to be. Someone who is warm and kind and gracious and takes the time to talk to everyone. To make other people feel at ease when they are with me, to just flat out be nice.I want to make people feel how special they are, how important they are -
It's not about the money.
Although, you know, I really like money. But I like being true to me more.
Does that even make sense??