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Comments

Wendy

Hear, hear, Carmen!!

lisa

While I do think that how our children turn our has someting to do with how their raised, I think that too much is made over breast/bottle etc, with the unwelcome consequence of making moms feel guilty whatever their choice. Mostly we're all doing the best we can on not enough sleep!

lisa

I knew I should have proofread for spelling and grammar. Typing too fast! Sorry!

Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith

I did not nursing my children. They came to me through the miracle of adoption, each with much emotional baggage. Parenting is about hope. The end results don’t always equal the time and effort you put into it. Because in the end, children are their own persons, free to choose. They are not yours; they are on loan from God. They will accept God's free gift of grace or not. Their future successes and failures are not yours, they will be theirs.

Joelle

Awesome! Your's is definitely one of the best responses I've read to the inflammatory cover shot!

Tara

I saw the cover of Time magazine and thought that the mother made a poor decision for her kid that will have long term effects. I find myself wanting her to show some modesty and discretion.

My parenting technique was the opposite of what you did - I hated breastfeeding, my kids slept in their crib, I used disposable diapers, they were off the bottle and binky by 12 months - and I have no regrets. I know I absolutely did the right thing for us. I used my best judgment. And my kids turned out just fine. It is a total crap shoot.

Xenia Katie

I started out as a big Dr. Sears fan. I still am, to some degree-- I really don't have any qualms with A.P. However, I do regret the overwhelming feelings of guilt that I put on myself because I was an impressionable, young first-time mom who buckled under the pressure of some rather intense AP moms I knew (and looked up to) at the time. Moreso, I regret the flaming arrows of judgment that I flung (usually just mentally) at non- A.P. moms.... moms who I am now friends with. I missed out on some good friendships during those early years of motherhood, simply because I was so "black and white" in my thinking.
Mothering takes love, patience and understanding more than anything. Great post, Carmen!

Headless Mom

You go, Girl!!

PamL

You said it so well, Carmen!

And isn't it amazing how the benefit of time (and teenagers) changes your perspective on a lot of things? I, like you, did a lot of those things, and was very judgemental about others who did not. Now I can agree that there are a lot of right ways to raise babies, not just MY way. :)

Robin W

Very well written! Kudos!

kyooty

great post.

jodifur

I am starting to believe more, and more, than absent abuse and neglect, what we do may not matter as much as we think it does.

Tammy

Great post Carmen! You are right, each family has to do what works for them. Sadly, moms and women in general are very critical of one another when what women and moms need most is encouragement and support. You and I were new young moms together and I remember how supportive you were when I was trying to breastfeed. Thank you for that...if only we lived closer and I was not so hesitant to ask for help when I needed it!

addy

Very well said. I made similar choices and applaud any parent making conscious decisions regarding parenting. If you are actively trying to make it work for you and your family you are doing it right!
Well done Carmen.

Sandra

very well said carmen!!

Nicole

Amen! I'm so glad so many mom bloggers I'm reading are seeing the TIME cover and headline for what it really is: an attempt to divide women who should be, above all, supporting each other.

I nursed both of my children, but after about 4 months, my body stopped producing milk and I switched to formula. With my son (who was first), I was devastated. Every resource I'd been given--including pediatricians--said breastmilk was best and led me to believe my child would not grow properly on formula. With my daughter, I was saddened that I had to switch to formula, but grateful for the nursing I was able to do, and recognized that the most important thing was for her to get nutrition, not where it came from.

The media better watch out! If they keep pushing us, we will push back. And I don't think the media wants hundreds of thousands of moms with a single purpose on their minds. It could get ugly.

Kimberly T.

One of the BEST pieces of advice when I was pregnant and super stressing about how successful I was going to be at breastfeeding, because it really meant the world to me, was, "Do you remember how you were fed as a baby? Does it effect you now? Did effect you in the past? Just do the best you can and at the end of the day, all that matters is that you baby is happy and healthy." I, thankfully, was a very successful with my son at breastfeeding. He weaned himself at 16 months. But that advice gave me such piece of mind that it really effected a lot of the other parenting decisions I've chosen to make. At the end of the day, most moms do the absolute best they can with no map or blue print to follow, even if they're not first time moms. I've been consistent in all of my parenting choices, but as my son grows, I've noticed that he is who is he is despite a lot of my best mothering efforts. Do I regret my choices? No. But I am super thankful for the advice that reminds me everyday that all that matters is you're doing the best you can.

A shout out to whoever that awesome lady was =]

FishyGirl

Exactly.

girlsmama

Amen,sister.

I nursed my first three girls all who self-weaned around 9 months. My fourth was a preemie who was too tiny to nurse from my, ahem, well endowed chest. I pumped until she was 5 months old. All of my girls except number three were supplemented with formula because I wasn't a great producer.

Guess what? They are all well adjusted, independent, confident, girls. Is it because of how I fed them or because they were all carried around in some type of baby carrier by myself or their dad? I don't know. Probably not.

I think it has a lot more to do with what our family does on a day to day basis, what values we try to teach them, and how we coach their responses to different life situations we encounter. It has to do with the fact that they know home is a safe-haven. They will always be loved, disciplined, and helped no matter what.

And yet, they still have their free agency and will choose how to live their life.

The best thing we can do is support each other in the battle of raising the next generation.

JMB

Well said, I couldn't agree more. I thought my children (solely through me and obviously none from the grace of God or my husband's genes) would be ear infection free, genius IQ, slim, athletic, perfectly confident and adjusted as adults because I breastfed exclusively. What folly! I have to laugh now that I placed sooooo much confidence on my limited experience as a mom. Oh well, I love my children and that's what matters the most, not how they are fed or where they sleep at night.
Plus, I lost all street cred at LLL because I once said that I practiced extended nursing to get skinny. Apparently it doesn't matter if you do it, what matters more are your "intentions". Getting skinny while nursing is not LLL stamped approved.

Meredith R

I am only a month into motherhood and have already had to scrap some of my "plans" for child care. Sometimes you have no choice. I wanted to breast feed for many reasons, cost of formula being one. Due to a series of unfortunate events (too long to get into), my milk never really came in and what little I had quickly dried up. Then because the boys came so prematurely, my cloth diaper covers don't secure around their skinny little legs and the diapers themselves are just too bulky for their little hips. Thankfully I can just roll with it, because the truth is sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

Carmen (not Stacier) ;-)

You cloth diapered, breastfed, coslept with and slung all six of your kids????? If I wasn't already SUPER impressed with you, I CERTAINLY am now!!!! Happy Mother's Day to you and all the mother's out there today and always, may the blessings continue to pour on us all!!! :)

Ouida Gabriel

Wonderful post Carmen. One of my favorite. I have one question though, why is it that I can't find a awesome group of moms like the ones that post on your blog? I have learned not to be judgmental of parenting styles because each of us are doing what we need to. I did AP a little, a little of this and a little of that. Really, I coped because I had no clue some days! My chlldren are wonderful despite my nursing or not nursing one of them, cosleeping or not cosleeping (my son would not cosleeping even though I tried) and really I have run the race with every parenting style. It seems to be working out, at least today.

Outdated Gabriel

Ouida Gabriel

P. S Happy Mothers Day!

Nelson's Mama

I nursed both of my girls until they weaned themselves (the first a little over a year, the second nine months) and they were were co-sleepers. They funny thing is - I never heard of Dr. Sears until recently! I just went with it - I figured people had been raising babies for hundreds of years and I didn't need to reinvent the wheel!

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  • Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution, who never sleeps and drinks way too much coffee. She works from home as the Programs Manager for BlogHer, and is the mom to six kids, most of whom play instruments, sing or dance and all of whom are much smarter than she will ever be. In other words, her house is never ever quiet or still. A concentration of food allergies, spectrum disorders and learning disabilities means that she spends an awful lot of time second guessing herself and Dr. Googling, as well as learning to cook everything the family might like to eat. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boxing (she has her Black Belt in Muay Thai), sleeping, exploring coffee shops, photography, ballet class and cooking. She excels in being a smart mouth and has her major in sarcasm, with a minor in BS studies.