Drama Free For Once

For once, we are drama free.

Unless you count the trip to Children's Hospital, where I had the *distinct* pleasure of holding my child down while three vials of blood were drawn.

A trip for a chocolate donut after made it all better. Until the upper GI that is scheduled for next week appears.

I've put that thought away for right now.

Other than that, there's no drama here.

It was the last day of school for 90% of my kids. My public school kid remains in school another week+, and this begins the best! summer! of my 8th grader's life - as she got out of school a full week before everyone else (8th grade privilege and early graduation, yo!) and starts her public school a full week AFTER the other kids return to private school - so it's much longer for her.

A fact which may or may not be related that she's currently on "door removal warning" - one more slam and the door is gone. Which is the door for a shared room, and the sibling in question is already not happy with this concept.

"Kids don’t remem­ber what you try to teach them. They remem­ber what you are.” – Jim Henson

I saw this on someone's Facebook wall and it stuck with me over the past couple of days. It's been on the open page for "Compose New Post" - and it sat there, marinating in my curiously empty brain as I tried to delve into why it spoke to me so.

I'm both oddly and deeply concerned with what my children will remember of me. What types of memories will they have? Will it be fun and games, or navel gazing and introspection? Will it be hanging out at the beach and the water park, or will it be mountains of dirty wash and always, always, always piles on the sofa? Will they remember a person who stuck to her guns and held her morals? Or a woman always working, always busy, never still?

Will they remember a woman who thought of others and helped, as much as humanly possible - or will they remember the selfish side that all too often creeps into my soul and demands the spotlight?

Will they know, deep in their souls, how thoroughly and massively they were loved, even though the words stick in my throat and remain captive - will they be able to say, Yes. I know, deep inside, that I was loved and cherished and wanted, more than life itself. Or will they focus on the negative, the mistakes I make - often and without thought and almost certainly without malice?

Will they remember dancing as if no one is watching, Seizing the Carpe out of the Diem, grabbing life and living it completely?

What am I, and what legacy am I leaving?

Comments

[Sonja Holzman]

Glad to know we aren't the only "meanies" who remove doors when they are slammed! Nothing gets their attention more than this threat. I am looking at summer as endless and I only have two - I can only imagine how it is with six. I, too, think often about what, exactly, they will remember about me. Every once in a while they will tell me (well, my daughter will) the good things about me, mostly when I am feeling blue and she is trying to cheer me. I am positive that they know, without a shadow of a doubt, (your kids) that they are loved beyond words. It shows in every piece you write.

[Tara]

I think about that all the time, and at the same time I realize, sometimes to my dismay, all the ways I am similar to my father who raised me by himself. Good or bad, it gets passed on.

[shine @ Party Plan Kids]

oh great, and i thought i was the only one ever to walk the earth with this scenarios and frustrations in life. thankfully there are others out there who share my resentments

[jules]

Have you heard the song "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman? This post reminds me so much of it. And everytime I hear it, I'm wonder how others see me. Sadly, I doubt I'm remembered as someone who chose "to love" or to "point to Him". I'm always striving to do better . . .

[Brandy]

I ask myself this question a lot. Will my kids remember singing along to the radio in the car, or the time I grounded them for skipping schoolwork? Will they remember me baking cupcakes for their 4-H meeting, or me taking the computer away from them? I struggle with how they may remember me and I can only hope that the many times I tell them I love them as we hug goodnight- sinks in.

[addy]

They will remember it most of it. The good and the bad and the indifferent. So we make the most out of each day and move on. It all works. BTW - your kids know they are loved. Even when they forget.

[Headless Mom]

I hope that you googled jules song suggestion. I just listened to that album again=for the first time in years, and that song is fantastic.

Know what? Your kids will know and understand, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that they are/were loved and cherished. You are only one person and can only do so much. Your family has an abundance of love and caring, even of some of them can't see it right now.

[justin bieber shoes]

Experts predict that the coastline of Oregon, Washington, Alaska, and Hawaii will see some pretty nasty debris wash ashore; California will have some, but less, as most of it will be caught in a current that will carry it to the pacific islands.

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

This is a constant struggle for me. I am glad school will soon be over and I will not have to be such a drill sergeant with homework and schedules. Summer here we come!