Let us see if I can manage to write out what I'm thinking without
- hurting someone's feelings
- Looking like a righteous - or not so righteous - fool
- forgetting to say something and needing to go back again (and again!) to clarify
I don't hold out much hope. It's been a really, really weird week for me. It seems abnormal to say that during the summer, but it really has been one weird week.
Ok. Deep breath.
I don't have a lot of friends. I don't say this for sympathy but just in the interest of getting it all out there. Some of you might disagree with me, but I really can count on one hand the people who I would say are friends. I'm mostly ok with it. Sure, I might like to be more popular, but I have a habit, some say a flaw - of always speaking my mind - which often gets me into trouble. I know *lots* of people. I have *lots* of acquaintances. I am friendly with lots of people who frequent the same places with me -
And I think that's the rub.
And when you return to the same function, you seek out that person. Pretty soon, every time you go to that event/school/assembly/sports meet - you hang out with that person. And you consider that person a friend.
But, one day, you realize that you aren't enjoying this friendship. Maybe the other person is more racist than you are comfortable with, or maybe he's more lax on the personal safety. Maybe that person said something REALLY unkind to you - something that took away your breath, made your stomach sink and widened your eyes. Sure, it was probably said as a joke - but what if it wasn't? How do you know?
Do you give a second chance? And then a third?
And then, what do you do? Because said person also thinks of you as a friend - and things tend to get ugly if you just walk away from the friendship - but maybe talking things out isn't a feasible option because that person, that person, well, that person has a HABIT of getting overly emotional - or making a big scene out of things.
Sigh. Friendship is complicated.
I overthink just about everything.