I'll Take "Shapes and Sizes" for $400, Alex

Once upon a time, I purchased many, many magazines in a month. I bought just about every ladies' magazine that was on the racks. If it spoke to "ladies interests" (?) I bought it.

My husband *hated* my magazine habit. To him, it was a waste of money. When the economy tanked and we needed to cut the expenditures big time, one of the first things to go were my beloved magazines. I tried for a while to retain my hold on them - I asked for subscriptions for birthdays and went to the library, but gradually, those shiny pages became less important to me. I began to notice that many of the stories were repeated in different magazines. Often, the headlines were virtually the same - 99% dealing with diet, sex or beauty - and sometimes the stories conflicted each other.

Today I took some of my kids to the water park. We have season passes, and it's a tremendous deal for us - it's a clean place to spend a lot of the summer. I wanted to have something to read while there, and didn't want to bring my Kindle, and so I thought maybe I'd stop at a convenience store and pick up a magazine.

Something light and easy to read. Something frivolous. I couldn't find anything I liked and so I went without. I decided to watch people instead.

Before I left the house, I made the mistake of looking at my backside in the mirror - and I sighed. Wider than I want and cellulite laden - well, it is what it is. I do lots and lots of cardio and walking and squats and step ups and it's just - a booty. I'm genetically predisposed to having a J Lo butt.

Last week I read a fantastic post about body image and wearing a bathing suit proudly, no matter your size or shape. The author shared a picture of her older female family members, all of whom were wearing modest bathing suits, smiling and laughing. None of them appeared to be self conscious, ashamed of her body of embarrassed to be photographed.

They just looked - happy. I'll bet they never read a ladies' magazine in their life.

Today, at the water park, I saw lots of bodies. All different shapes, all different sizes - and I was at first embarrassed and ashamed of mine. It's not the tightest. It's not the slimmest. In fact, it's heavier than it was 5 years ago. But it is what it is and this is the body I have - and I'm not buying a new one.I 'm not as heavy as I once was, and I'm not in bad shape, I kept teling myself. Get over yourself already.

Luckily, a kiddo of mine FREAKED out and took my attention off the size of my booty.

I saw women, both large and tiny, wearing bikinis in bodies that showed more skin than society would think allowable - and they didn't care. I saw some very large women in bathing suit dresses, down to their knees, with sleeves and collars - and those women's bodies were on display just as much as the ladies in string bikinis. A body is a body. No matter what you wear, what color or shape it is - your body is going to fill a certain void in space and that size is the size it is. I don't think that people understand that, and living in black doesn't make you look any smaller - so if you like colors and prints - and I most certainly do, although I love wearing the black as well - wear it, already.

There were women wearing less clothing than I wear when I'm going to bed - and I didn't see one self conscious glance, one hand covering a butt, one t shirt over a bosum.

No one looked self conscious.

In short, no.one.cared.

And, at that moment, I realized that ladies' magazines, with their airbrushed covers and internal angst - how to get a good man, how to keep a good man, how to be ever MORE sex-ay! and here's WHY your body type is horrific - reading those magazines, I think, does the women of the world a disservice. We are surrounded with tricks! and tips! and hints! on improving ourselves and being better - when, all along, maybe we were good enough to being with.

I vow, this summer, to wear my bathing suit unselfconsciously. To not worry about "saving others the sight of me in a bathing suit", to skip "sparing folks the sight of my bodacious booty and thighs that meet in the middle".

Thigh chafe, for the win. <sigh>

I had an email conversation with a relative who I consider a friend, who bought a retro bathing suit similar to the ones I have - whose hubby HATES her suit. She LOVES it. What should she do, what should she do? Wear the suit, was my advice. If you like it and you are comfortable in it - wear the suit. Be proud of who you are and wear the suit.

It's a lesson that I'm slow to learn, one I need hammered in over and over and over. Your body is your body. It's no one elses - it's done things that no one else has, faced struggles and turmoil unique to you - so be in your body and be one with your body.

I'm not advocating a free for all at the all you can eat buffet. I'm not advocating a lifetime of twinkies and soda, pizza and brownies and chips and dip. I still firmly believe in moderation and exercise. Daily exercise.

But if you are doing the best you can do, it's going to have to be good enough. Stop reading the magazines that tell you everything you do is wrong! and deficient! and not good enough - and go hang out in the water park with 600 of your closest neighbors.

I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself.

Because you are beautiful.

 

 

Comments

[Tara]

Good article. I compare myself constantly to those around me. ("At least I don't look like that" or "wow look at her perfect figure") Public pools and beaches level the field and I am reminded over and over that there are more people with imperfect bodies than there are with perfect ones.

[karen]

Well said Carmen! I now weigh about 15lbs then I did a year and half ago, due to medical issues, stress, bad eating whatever, but I decieded my old siwm suit still fit, however not quite so well, but I'm not buying a new one. First I can't afford it, but for being 51 I don't look that bad..

[addy]

Well said. I made that same decision last year. I will wear a two piece bathing suit. Scars, Tats, bumps and all showing to the world. Mine - all mine. Each with a story or atleast a thought behind it. It is me. Thanks for sharing yours. And I love water parks!

[Beth]

Absolutely spot on! Today, I lost a dear cousin, who was in his mid 50's. As a young adult, he did something stupid which cost him the use of his arms and legs. He was sooooo hot as a teen! Football player, thick hair, gorgeous italian features - and very body conscience. That ended, and he hid for many years, ashamed of how he was now. Just recently, he reconnected socially with so many through facebook and the computer, and we all benefited from his wit and charm. Now he's whole again, for which I am thankful, but it does serve as a lesson to be grateful of what you CAN do! It's not the body, but the spirit inside of us that makes us who we are. RIP Danny.

[Elizabeth]

as a plus sized woman I rarely ever wore a swimsuit. Since Charlie has decided he loves the pool we're there every day in the summer so I've had to "get over myself" as it were. I proudly wear my swimsuit in public now.

[Sharilyn]

Hmmm, this is similar to a post Rachel Evans wrote a few weeks ago: http://rachelheldevans.com/enough
Preach it sister!

[Sonja Holzman]

This could not have come at a better time. We are counting down the days to the trip of a lifetime in July - taking the kids to Atlantis in the Bahamas with us for our 20th Anniversary. I have been working really hard, but not as hard as I should, to be able to look "good" in a two piece suit, something I haven't worn since I was in my twenties. In my opinion, I am still not worthy, but my sweet, wonderful 15 year old daughter took a look at me in the one I dared to try on and told me I looked great. GREAT! So I bought it and will flaunt my so-called great body, cellulite and all. I will try every day to look at myself in this suit and own my shape and be grateful that I am whole and able to do such things with my family at all. You are so right that nobody cares. Nobody. Thanks.

[Laura]

I am fairly self conscious because I see myself as scrawny. And it causes me periodic discomfort in bathing suits. I bought a new bathing suit this spring. Was going to get a one piece (I figured I should) but found a two piece that I just loved. So I brought it home and put it on. It was a little skimpier than I liked (covered all the spots needed, of course), but it got rave reviews from my Husband. I was debating whether to keep it or not, and I mentioned it to my 10 year old girls. They told me to try it on and show them, so I did. They unanimously told me to keep it as it made me look cute. So I kept it. I am going to be brave and not hide under an overshirt when we go to the waterpark in a couple of weeks. (Oh, I know there will be one woman who will stop me to lecture on the evils of anorexia. There always is. Probably right after I eat a cheeseburger for lunch. LOL)

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

Preaching to the choir here! I, too, have purchased passes to a water park this summer. I am shaped like a pear and do not like my lower half at all, but this summer it is not about me (I keep telling myself) it is about my girls having fun.

[JMB]

I made a decision last summer - I was 44 at the time - to force myself to walk around the town pool and the beach wearing bathing suit sans cover up. I finally said to my inner voice: shut the f%$#* up. Seriously, my body has served me well. It's bore 4 healthy children, walked miles, traveled to many places, endured some excruciating pain as well as pleasure. It's time to respect it rather than trash it. You are so right tho - ditch those mags!

[J.]

This is so timely! I have actually never looked worse in a bathing suit than I currently do, but you know what? My life is really awesome, and I am not going to miss out on doing stuff because I don't look good. I am not confident in the way I look, but I am confident that I have more fun trying new things that sometimes require me to wear only a bathing suit, and I have never regretted trying things. The photos make me cringe, but once I get past it, I can focus on how awesome it was to snorkel/swim/surf/paddleboard/whatever.

And let me be totally honest: the people I know who love me and want me around and who invite me to try new things aren't doing it because I look good. They want me around because I am funny and smart and kind, and I can be those things in a bathing suit as well as I can in a track suit.

[kyooty]

well said! :)

[Sally in the UK]

This is a great post, thank you for making all of us feel a bit better about our bodies.