Are You Ever Really a Part of the In Crowd?

First of all, if you didn't go watch my Ford Videos and read my Ford Review - go do it now. So, so much fun.

So. Last night, I had a (profound only to me) thought that stemmed from a post I wrote on my Facebook.

So, I got a lot of comments from my friends, and while everyone took a lot of effort to make me feel better - and said such really lovely things about me - I noticed one thing over and over.

None of us ever feels like she - or he - belongs. Even those people who I thought have it made. Whatever "it" is.

I actually started thinking of this while traveling back from the Ford Event. When I was in the airport, I had a lot of time before my first flight left - about four hours. I spent quite a bit of time sitting in a coffee shop with a couple of new friends, and when they left to catch their flight, I started walking the terminal. I walked up and down, all the while window shopping and people watching. I love people watching at the airport -

Did you see the movie Love, Actually? Airport reunion scenes are the best. I cry every time.

I saw women wearing many different things - and the more different outifts I saw, the worse I felt about my own outfit. And the funny thing is, I thought I looked good when I'd gotten dressed that morning - but then I went and rode cars and stood in the heat and raced around the race track - and I wasn't wearing heels and didn't look like I'd come from the inside of a salon. I wasn't wearing cute jeans and wedges and my jewelry was in my pockets after a pat down from my besties at TSA.

I think I had on a black t shirt and shorts. I'm not sure.

I'm almost never wearing the right thing. Ever. Some of that is because I'm a little bit quirky and have my own style - part of that is that with six kids in the house I just don't have the money to devote to shopping that I'd like to be able to spend, and part of that is just that I don't have that innate sense that some women do. I also have that chunky body shape that really doesn't look good in the current fashions, and so I'm more often found in the older styles. Which is fine by me but also makes me, shall we say, not always part of the group.

I just typed up an entire paragraph detailing different scenarios in which I don't fit in - various clubs, sports groups, school groups, and it all sounded so incredibly whiny that I deleted it.

You're welcome. :)

I think that the In crowd is a bunch of people who just want to make everyone else feel bad. And if I'm in a group of people feeling like I don't belong - maybe it's THEM and not ME.

Here's the thing - we all belong. And none of us belong. If you drop me in a group of, say, homeschooling, dress only women - no, I don't belong. If you drop me into the Mommy Mafia - and I won't say any more, but every school has a group like that - I don't belong. If you stick me in a group of college professors discussing eco solutions, I'm gonna stick out like a wedgie in a swimming pool. 

If you stick me in a group of free spirited big mouths who talk to virtually anyone, who have tattoos and love to sing and dance, a group that simultaneously loves to eat and exercise, a group that drinks hard and plays hard and is such a people person that they just jump into conversations and encourage perfect strangers to use Jazz Hands and lift their arms high in the air while riding the train up and down the hills - like a roller coaster - a group of people who talk too loudly and speak on inappropriate things and really kind of, sort of, has no filter, says "Science!" when people sneeze (it's a long, long story, but it's a wildly funny and inappropriate joke from the Ford Event that I've now got my kids following), a group of people who want to do a flash mob and bought cowboy boots even though they don't live in a cowboy area, a group that curses too much, laughs extra loudly, embarrasses the quieter people and almost always says the wrong thing at the wrong time -

That's the group that I belong in, the group of which I should probably be the President.

I need to make sure that I hang out with my group. My fun people. And not try to fit my octagonal, 3 dimensional shape into a square, two dimensional opening - and then become upset when it doesn't work.

Which is something that I *REALLY* need to work on.

Comments

[Tammy]

I don't fit anywhere but I'm ok with that. The sad part is that it has taken me to age 41 to be ok with that. My daughter coined the phrase "embrace your inner dork," a few years ago and it sums she and I up nicely. We are dorks at times, but we enjoy being dorks. Hence the current pink we are both currently sporting.
PS I still think you rock and I always think you fit in better than I do and better than you think you do. You have a personality that is fun, not a wallflower. We wallflowers envy those of you with spunk. :)

[Lisa@All That and a Box of Rocks]

Excellent. Freakin' excellent. You really are like the Carmen in my head.

[Laura]

I know how you feel! Especially about the outfit thing; I always dress carefully. My style is mostly casual, but I'm always very careful with my appearance when I go ANYWHERE. And I can think I look okay, but the minute I leave the house, I suddenly feel like everyone is judging me, and finding me lame. And it's not true; I KNOW this. I get along with people very well. But, even if the group I'm in seems welcoming and accepting, I feel like the outsider. It's not them, it's me, and I'm working very hard on this. But yeah; I TOTALLY get what you're saying. And I'd love to be part of the group you described as your people. Sounds like fun! :D

[Chrisdtracy]

I just typed a whole comment and then lost it when I signed in. I don't have the energy to recreate it, so I'll paraphrase.

You do fit in. You fit in with the rest of us, here on the Internet. That's why events like the Ford event are so much fun. Like minded, but not always from the same subject areas.

P.S. It makes me furiously happy that your kids are saying, "Science!" I've wanted to say that out loud to people for years, but feared excommunication from the Bible Belt.

[addy]

That last group described - that's me! And my friends. And we good with it. I could never quite understand the "in" crowd or the "popular people" and their ways. I don't really care to explain all my tattoos to them either....

[Sara]

I am so you. I can identify with all of that!

[Brandy]

I don't fit in. Never have and I doubt I ever will. I'm okay with that most of the time. There are times I am incredibly lonely, but I'm used to filling that with a book.
I wish I had a group like yours. And I so understand the lack of outfit coordination thing.

[Sonja Holzman]

I was a triangle trying to fit into square holes my whole life growing up. That is how I was raised. Now I behave in my singular, triangular fashion, which is quite unique to me and fit into very few holes (think about it - how many triangles are in the world). And I am HAPPY!! Occasionally I wish that I fit in better, that I didn't blurt out inappropriate things at awkward times or laugh too loudly (amd sometimes snort). But then there are the times where I'm dance-shopping with my teenager in TJ Maxx and we are having so much fun that I am glad I am just me and am encouraging her to be just her. And I agree with Chrisdtracy - you do fit in, here, which is why you have such a loyal following.

[Sandra]

i need a "like" button...

[Joless]

Don't you think the in-crowd are cookie cutter versions of each other? It must take effort to look so polished, and they often look bored. I find it impossible to look stylish, ever. Most people wear smarter stuff than me in a regular basis than I wear when I'm trying hard. I don't shop enough to keep up with trends and mostly I have a fine splattering of mud from walking the dog :-) Enjoy and embrace whatever you are like and you'll find that people gravitate to you because you are different and funny and above all, interesting. The following you have proves that.

[paige]

Hey, at least you aren't fat anymore, right?

Hang in there, it's just one of the joys of being a woman and feeling insecure.

[Sylvia]

;)

[JMB]

OK, I'm going out on a limb here - but to all you women who feel like you don't belong because you are not fashionable or sporting Keratin straight hair and gel nails and what not, I am all that and guess what? I feel like I don't fit in either. I get the "once over" look often, or the "why are soooooooo dressed up where are you gong/coming from" at school pick up or at the supermarket. Or the "when I first saw you I thought you were a bitch". Whatever. I just read an article in some magazine that said that people make prejudicial judgments about other people based on their looks. Thin people are perceived as bitchy and selfish, fat people are perceived as lazy.

[Jen]

Can I be in your gang please? I'd fit right in....