So. Last night, I had a (profound only to me) thought that stemmed from a post I wrote on my Facebook.
So, I got a lot of comments from my friends, and while everyone took a lot of effort to make me feel better - and said such really lovely things about me - I noticed one thing over and over.
None of us ever feels like she - or he - belongs. Even those people who I thought have it made. Whatever "it" is.
I actually started thinking of this while traveling back from the Ford Event. When I was in the airport, I had a lot of time before my first flight left - about four hours. I spent quite a bit of time sitting in a coffee shop with a couple of new friends, and when they left to catch their flight, I started walking the terminal. I walked up and down, all the while window shopping and people watching. I love people watching at the airport -
Did you see the movie Love, Actually? Airport reunion scenes are the best. I cry every time.
I saw women wearing many different things - and the more different outifts I saw, the worse I felt about my own outfit. And the funny thing is, I thought I looked good when I'd gotten dressed that morning - but then I went and rode cars and stood in the heat and raced around the race track - and I wasn't wearing heels and didn't look like I'd come from the inside of a salon. I wasn't wearing cute jeans and wedges and my jewelry was in my pockets after a pat down from my besties at TSA.
I think I had on a black t shirt and shorts. I'm not sure.
I'm almost never wearing the right thing. Ever. Some of that is because I'm a little bit quirky and have my own style - part of that is that with six kids in the house I just don't have the money to devote to shopping that I'd like to be able to spend, and part of that is just that I don't have that innate sense that some women do. I also have that chunky body shape that really doesn't look good in the current fashions, and so I'm more often found in the older styles. Which is fine by me but also makes me, shall we say, not always part of the group.
I just typed up an entire paragraph detailing different scenarios in which I don't fit in - various clubs, sports groups, school groups, and it all sounded so incredibly whiny that I deleted it.
You're welcome. :)
I think that the In crowd is a bunch of people who just want to make everyone else feel bad. And if I'm in a group of people feeling like I don't belong - maybe it's THEM and not ME.
Here's the thing - we all belong. And none of us belong. If you drop me in a group of, say, homeschooling, dress only women - no, I don't belong. If you drop me into the Mommy Mafia - and I won't say any more, but every school has a group like that - I don't belong. If you stick me in a group of college professors discussing eco solutions, I'm gonna stick out like a wedgie in a swimming pool.
If you stick me in a group of free spirited big mouths who talk to virtually anyone, who have tattoos and love to sing and dance, a group that simultaneously loves to eat and exercise, a group that drinks hard and plays hard and is such a people person that they just jump into conversations and encourage perfect strangers to use Jazz Hands and lift their arms high in the air while riding the train up and down the hills - like a roller coaster - a group of people who talk too loudly and speak on inappropriate things and really kind of, sort of, has no filter, says "Science!" when people sneeze (it's a long, long story, but it's a wildly funny and inappropriate joke from the Ford Event that I've now got my kids following), a group of people who want to do a flash mob and bought cowboy boots even though they don't live in a cowboy area, a group that curses too much, laughs extra loudly, embarrasses the quieter people and almost always says the wrong thing at the wrong time -
That's the group that I belong in, the group of which I should probably be the President.
I need to make sure that I hang out with my group. My fun people. And not try to fit my octagonal, 3 dimensional shape into a square, two dimensional opening - and then become upset when it doesn't work.
Which is something that I *REALLY* need to work on.