This question came up in the comments on another post and I thought it was worth exploring. Because I'm honestly interested in what everyone has to say.
How do adults make friends?
which is different from the converse question - How do kids make friends?
Kids make friends super easy. Or, at least, some kids do. I have this one kid who makes friends wherever, and I do mean wherever, she goes. She's outgoing, bubbly and talkative, and I remember lots and lots of times that we went to the store and she brought a perfect stranger over to me.
"This is my new best friend - um, what's your name? I forgot to ask your name!"
The point is, no one is a stranger to this kid.
But adults, or at least most adults, are more reticent. We walk in to a new place, look around, see no one that we know and immediately get that funny feeling in the bottom of our tummies. We might sit at the same sports practice with six other parents and begin to talk about what our kid is doing and how the practice is going - and then we find ourselves looking forward to seeing that person at the next practice - and then we might feel like a friendship has developed -
but what happens if, after a while, we realize that we may have gotten just a bit too chummy with someone that, had we known a leetle bit more information - we'd have steered clear from?
Don't tell me that this has never happened to you. Just - don't tell me. Because it happens to me quite frequently.
I have a couple of genuinely great friends. Friends who I can talk to whenever I need, even if it's been days or months - and there's no judgement and no bitchiness - we just pick up where we left off, and they are there for me.
Like I told one of my kids, who was lamenting a lower number of friends than a sibling - You don't need a ton of friends - just one or two that are amazing.
So - here's my questions for you - how do adults make friends? And how do you know when a friendship is too much work and too much drama - and when do you let go? And how do you know when you've got a good friend?