So, Fitbloggin. A conference about fitness, and blogging, and you do NOT have to be in fantastic shape to be at the conference. In fact, that's one thing that super surprised me - how many of the people were just exactly like my friends and family, like people I see on the street and at the store. I had gone to the conference feeling a little heavy, a little irritable with myself, a bit embarrassed because I really haven't kept all of the weight off that I lost almost 6 years ago. The shorts that I wanted to take were a bit too snug. The skirt I wanted to walk in was a bit too short.
I drove up to Baltimore feeling like I was somewhat of a failure.
And then I went to the conference, and saw people of all shapes and sizes comfortable with their bodies and feeling good about themselves. And many of those people weren't the super models that I expected - and they were WAY better than any super models could ever be.I saw people cheering each other on at workouts, happy when their partner - who they may have never met before this - maybe couldn't do a regular push up and moved to wall push ups. And the happy faces and the support were AWESOME.
And this happened.
And then I read this post by Fadra. And I am not ashamed to say that I teared up, just a bit.
Because I'm so often there. I put on my workout clothes, and pinch my muffin top really really hard. I catch a glimpse of my legs in the mirror at my crossfit workout and grimace - then I turn away from the mirror. I try, every day, to tell myself that I'm strong and confident, sexy and healthy - and so what if I have cellulite and spider veins and one really, really gross varicose vein behind my knee?
And some days it works. And some days
I work out with heavy equipment, do sit ups and push ups and squats and so much with the burpees, oh, man do I hate the burpees
and most days, it's enough.
Some days, though. Some days, it's not enough. And I have to figure out how to still that voice inside, the one that says
you AREN'T good enough and you AREN'T strong enough and so DEFINITELY not thin enough
and embrace what I see in Zumba class. Which is that yes, I am.
Tell me - does that voice speak to you? And, if so, how do you quell it?