The Happiness Project

When I wrote yesterday about happiness, I asked some specific questions.

But one of you asked one of me.

How do I find out what will make me happy? What do grown-ups do for 'fun' anyway?

And, at first, I thought to myself - well, they just do fun stuff. Who doesn't know HOW to be fun?

She goes on to add:

I don't like shopping particularly; we have a new puppy so the cinema and so on are out for now; my partner doesn't like clubs or jazz or any of that stuff; we walk the dogs everyday so walking for fun isn't an option. I want to exercise more but cannot get excited about it (I used to go the gym every day pre-dogs but now can't seem to manage anything). I do play field hockey and love it. My partner can't think of anything she wants to do either. I feel rather pathetic and stupid :-)

and then, woo boy - I got to thinking. Because I can really remember a time when I *wasn't* happy - and trying, trying oh so hard to determine where the line between happy and not happy fell for me.

I don't think that the reader means she's not happy - in fact, she clarified that later - Not at all, it's pretty fabulous, but I would love to be excited more, and thrilled and look back on great days that I have just had, or even great hours or moments! - but I know what she means. For a long while there, I wondered when the excitement would come, the fun, the woo-hoo!!! that I just KNEW the adults must feel, the fun times that I knew were right around the corner, just as soon as I got off work and cleaned the kitchen and sorted the dirty clothes and, oh, yeah, went to the teacher meeting 

And it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, everyone was out there having SO much more fun than I was, and I was deficient in some way, lacking in that elusive fun gene, that I was slow and plodding and boring and stupid

But.

I'm not. And you aren't. Maybe, just maybe, different things define fun for different people.

I hate roller coasters. Spinning rides give me migraines. I can't watch 3D movies. I don't especially enjoy concerts (unless my kid is in them, natch). I really don't enjoy bike riding or anything that I have to think about too much - like fencing. I don't enjoy karaoke. I don't like getting completely wasted - unless I'm out dancing, which, ok, is really a ton of fun, but not all that common in my life. I'm not a huge fan of running distance races, and swimming is one form of torture for me. I don't like sewing.

Those are all activities that other people say are fun.

I love to read. Could spend an entire day reading. I love to go to the movies. Love to turn on the music really loud and dance around - make a one woman dance party. I love to cook and bake. LOVE to take Zumba, love to go watch The Deloreans (an 80's band) and dance like I've been electrocuted. Love to go to the beach BY MYSELF and sit and read and listen to music and watch the water and sleep.I really like to go to Sephora and try on tons and tons of make up. I love to write on this blog. Have so, so much fun driving down the road really fast with the windows down and the music blasting and sing my guts out.

Used to love to do pad rounds at boxing class. I need to figure out a way to get back to that.

I have fun doing those things. I'm not a shopper for fun, mostly because I just don't have the money to do it - I'll bet if I did, though - I'd have fun doing it. The point is - what I find fun works for ME and not for you. But if I only did the things that worked for you, I'd never know what I enjoyed, I'd feel like I was missing something, and as if I was a failure.

I know someone who has gone to college for forever and ever. Every time he gets close to completing, he changes directions and learns something else. That's FUN for him. It's torture in a bottle for me.

Doesn't mean I'm stupid. Doesn't mean he's smarter than I am. He finds fun in a different manner than I do.

Find what works for YOU. Not for anyone else. You may have to try an awful lot of things - it's ok. There's no limit to how many things you can try in your lifetime - you don't have a sticker on the bottom of your foot that says you expire after you try ten activities. So you try a dozen, twenty, forty different things that other people find to be fun

and one day, you'll realize that you are having fun. It's not the fun that you see in the movies and on TV shows

but no one is having fun like that. Instead, we are all having the fun that matters to us

whatever that might be.

Comments

[Wendy]

For now I am happy watching my kids. I absolutely love watching them do whatever it is they want to do. Whether that be dance, volleyball, cheer, choir, soccer, or whatever (I have three very active kids, I could go on and on,) I am happiest watching them do what makes them happy. Now once they are grown and gone, I'm not sure what it will be that makes me happy. I love to read, I love to sing, and I love to help people. I would love to work with Habitat for Humanity and learn to build a house, and I would love to sing in our church choir. I figure once the kids are old enough, I can start finding things that I love to do once I have time to do it.

[kyooty]

I am happy. I can't really seem to figure out why? but I am.

Fun? cooking, baking, eating, even just being in the same room why my hubbie while he's doing his online courses?oddly makes me happy. I can't figure out why all the time. ha! then again there are times when being in the same house.... well...

[Sylvia]

Sign. I am going through a "nothing in life is fun" stage right now. I know I'm stuck but I'm also tired. Very tired. Things I used to think were or would be fun cease to be even entertaining any longer. I think wehn you get to this point it means it's time to reevaluate the person you've grown into and that's hard because once we're grown up it seems we are supposed to know these things. Change is constant. Don't be afraid to be a new person who doesn't like the same things you used to, you may discover you're more interesting than you ever imagined.

[Becki]

The older I get, the less I feel the need to define "fun" the way I've always thought I should. For me, things other people consider "fun" would be torture, like skiing or staying out late at a club. Love to lie on the front porch and read, try a new recipe, pick out paint chips. All of which I did today, and all of which would bore some people to tears. But I don't care, because it made me happy.

[Steph]

Amen, sister! There was a time when I wasn't happy, was desperately unhappy in fact. The memory of that time makes me realize how happy I am now.

Although I will admit that eating breakfast for dinner is one form of fun that I definitely enjoy as an adult. (-;

[Victoria@Snailpacetransformations]

I think fun can be found in the every day it is all how you approach it. TV show fun we see, is not real life fun. Fun is found in those we love and those things we love and some of those things can be pretty mundane.

[Joless]

I think I have a particular view of what 'fun' means and I forget that actually things can be satisfying or enjoyable or contented or whatever. Fun to me is quite an active, childhood word, so baking and reading don't fit that, even though I love both. It should be climbing trees or playing on bikes in the street, or exploring other people's gardens, or playing games.

I shall try more things :-) I just need to make myself get out and about and do stuff. I also need to socialise more. There's a whole new post on how to make friends as an adult, with no kids and no job :-) Challenging!

Thanks Carmen.

[Sonja]

"Dance like I've been electrocuted"!! LOVE IT!! I used to LOVE to go out dancing. Hubby doesn't dance. Not many places still exist to go out dancing and if they do, all they play is electronic-sounding crap. Much more fun to find a live band that plays stuff I like. I agree that "fun" is different for everyone and appreciate the idea that it doesn't have to be anything crazy, just what works for you.

[addy]

Fun is defined by the individual and the circumstances. Going to the coffee shop for a good latte to people watch, read something, and enjoy the person you are with is one of my current favorites. Roller coasters not so much thanks.