Today was a Fairytale is a Myth

I listen to a fair amount of Taylor Swift. Some of it is because I have girl shorties, and some of it is because I like some of her music.

I know. Shoot me now, eh?

But there's this one song, and the premise of it is that the day in question was a total fairytale - everything was awesome. I started thinking about it, and then I heard this really good homily at church today, and it started a chain of thinking in my head.

I know. It's a very bad thing, isn't it?

I've been in some conversations recently and heard, over and over, many people are dissatisfied in their lives, wondering, "Is this it? Is this all that there is? Where are the fireworks, the excitement, the wonder and the joy?"

And those things are there.

At least for me, but they aren't as often as many movies/tv shows/songs make them out to be - and many people think that they should have all of those things all the time, because, after all, those things are the constant topic choices for movies/tv shows/songs. And, we all know, if it's in a movie/tv show/song - it must be true. Many of us are disappointed when we feel as if we are let down by those in our lives, those we depend upon to raise us up. In reality, we are using the wrong measuring stick to measure our lives.

For me, when I feel that way, it's almost certain that my expectations are way out of whack and it's time for me to sit back and have a great reality check. Sometimes life does this for me. It's kind of like I have a weight on me and as soon as I reach a certain height - back down I come.

That's kind of morbid, I think, but it's reality. And above all, I'm a realist. I have days that are great, days that are full of contentment and happiness - but we've been dealing with multiple difficult situations in our family and these thoughts keep going through my head - and hearing some of them in church today really cemented it. Bear with me as I list them here - some of these are things I keep telling my kids over and over and over and - well, I'm sure you know as well.

• Life is hard.
• Life is not fair.
• People screw up.
• People are not what you want them to be.
• Sometimes, the good guy doesn't finish first.
• People don't act the way you think they should, do the things that you want them to, or show you what you would expect them to show you.
• People don't always treat you the way that you feel like you deserve. Maybe it's justified. Maybe it isn't. If you are thinking this, maybe you should do a reality check - and maybe it's time to do that reality check with a friend.
• Envy is the counterpoint of love.You cannot possibly be envious of someone that you profess to love. (This was the crux of today's homily, and it was super powerful to hear.)
• Being part of a bigger group - family, church, synagogue, fraternity/sorority - is an insanely tough amount of work.
• Sometimes, that work just isn't worth it. But if you think it isn't, try going at it alone and see how enjoyable it is.
• You work on being the very best you that you can be.  Everything else will get better or worse with absolutely no effort from you. If it gets better, awesome. If it gets worse, then it wasn't meant to be.

And there ends my weekend dose of depressing topic choices.

Comments

[Gina]

Thank you. Things have been all sorts of interesting around here, but I can still find the joy in the little things. It's nice to hear someone else having very similar thoughts.

[Shelly]

Thanks so much for your thoughts. Been reading you for years and so much of what you say just resonates with me and really causes me to admire you. Your last point is so true. We are only in charge of ourself, not others. I also find that really being truly thankful for the many amazing things in my life just brings joy. Some days this is just being thankful for the gift mug of hot coffee I get to drink. Thanks for sharing you.

[Headless Mom]

i have a friend who's son is acting crappy lately: blaming her for what he perceives is/was a crappy childhood. What I wish he could see is that A) parents do the best that they can with what they have available to them at the time, and B) He is incredibly loved and he can't possibly know or understand the agony that his mother has gone through to give him the best life she possibly could, and C) He can't change what happened in the past but he can change the future by how he chooses to act and participate in relationships in his future.

Oh, this is in response to bullets 6 & 7. I could write a book on this.

[Miz]

HUGS AND I SO SO SO SO SO

SO SO SO SO SO

SO SO SO SO SOOO
get this.

[addy]

I may have to print these out as a reminder for those days when thoughts run amok lately. Thank you for this.

[kyooty]

YES! I'm sitting here nodding in complete agreement.

[JMB]

I don't know if you read Heather King's blog - "Shirt of Flame" but she is interviewed by Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project and she touches on the same themes. It really does all come down to love and service to others. Great reflection today of the Feast of the Little Flower!

[Megan]

Well said. I'm a fan of TS and that song, too.

It's way too easy to get sucked into the little slices of other people's lives you see on Facebook or hear about in the two-minute "How was your weekend?" conversation. I have a friend whose relationship I absolutely envied. They were engaged, and it seemed like something out of a fairy tale. Two weeks ago, she announced they were breaking up. No wedding. No blissful life together.

We all fall into the trap of hoping for what we think other people have and forgetting what's great in our own lives.

[Rox]

When I told a friend I was divorcing, her reply was "this must have been what it was like when I was six years-old and found out that there was no Santa Claus." I heard a ton of comments like that, which causes me to remind my kids that you never know what someone's life is like on the inside when looking from the outside. Case in point, during my tech career, I was assigned a notoriously difficult customer -- difficult because he left at 5 pm each day, no exceptions, and most tech testing had to be done off-hours (we were all at a commercial bank and couldn't disrupt business). After politely trying to get to know him for quite some time and doing my best to work with his schedule, he thanked me for my efforts and explained that he had been at work years before when he received a call that his mom was being rushed to the hospital -- and he then stayed a few minutes to finish up a few work things, and those few minutes means that he didn't get to say goodbye to her. So, for his kids' sake, he started keeping a tight, regular business schedule and vowed never to miss the important, even small, stuff again. I respected him immensely for the good life he led and was always sad that others in our company had judged him so harshly when he had this whole life we didn't know about. It's the whole "walk a mile in my shoes" lesson, really. Great post.

[Wendy]

Another truism: The opposite of depression isn't happiness, it's just not being depressed.