Further Discussion on "Getting Pretty for the Day"

A commenter asked for elaboration on a prior post, and I'm happy to provide:  

I do have one BIG question in that regard: when your children were little, how did you manage to stay dressed up all day? like, my oldest is 9 then come 8,7,almost 5,3,and 19 months. What I used to do was wear my "work clothes" during the day and shower and change into something nicer when my husband comes home. Problem is on the weekends and on his days off (he doesn't work a typical 9-5 right now). I need to get the bulk of my cleaning done when the big boys are at school... presentable and bleach don't really go together...

Full disclosure: I'm sitting under the dryer at the hair salon, getting my color did. So I'm DEFINITELY a more high maintenance gal than I was when I had small kids. When the shorties were even smaller, it was all I could do to be clothed daily.

Here are some random ideas and thoughts that worked for me. Some of them worked for a small time and then I had to readjust, some of them I still use to this day, and many of them may not ever work for you. And, hello - they are from ME - which makes them rambling, disjointed and many times, incomprehensible. My life and circumstances are completely different than yours - but we do have many similarities.

I remember, one night, my husband came home from work at about 10:45. I looked like warmed over dog crap - in my defense, I had a bunch of small kids around and, hello, I was ready to go to bed. I had no makeup on. I'd taken my contacts out, so I was wearing my coke bottom glasses. I had on a ratty tshirt and cut off sweats. He asked me why I didn't put on makeup when he came home, do my hair, get dressed - that sort of thing. Look pretty for him, since he'd been out all day.

Um, hello - I'm going to bed.

But I started thinking, and making some very small changes.

I have different clothes I wear when I'm cleaning. And that cleaning is done when I can, not on a particular schedule - so he might be around when I'm cleaning. But if I'm wearing scrubby clothes, I try, at least, to make sure I'm wearing makeup and my hair is done. That might mean putting my hair into a neat twist or ponytail - not letting it hang into my face. For me, and only for me - the makeup is key. It's AMAZING to me what a difference some makeup can make - and I'm talking 4 products. 5, tops. I use a cover up with a brush, a foundation stick, powder blush and mascara. I can do each one in stages, if I need - but all four can be applied in 2:30. I've timed it. :) 

I am a huge wearer of lip balm. If you find a tinted balm, it can take the place of lipstick. Stick it in your pants pocket, apply it whenever you think about it.

If my hair is tidy and my makeup is done, and I'm wearing scrubby clothes, it doesn't seem to matter, is the point I'm working SUPER hard to make - and not succeeding, I'm sure. I try, as often as I can, to change into something a little nicer when I'm done cleaning. That nicer, though - it's not a fancy outift. It might just be a clean t shirt to go with my jeans. Add a necklace and it looks like a LOT more.

Are you doing deep cleaning every day? Maybe do it twice a week, on days that you know you'll have the space. Will it work if you wear an apron? I know that I've started wearing them, even though I REALLY feel like a 1950's housewife - but they do preserve my clothes a bit.  And when I say "dressed up" - I'm not in a dress, hose and heels - more like a skirt with tights and flats. I have an Ann Taylor Loft pencil skirt that I LOVE - and I wear it quite a bit in the winter. It's comfy, and with tights I look like I'm trying a LOT harder than I am. My philosophy is, I've gotta put on SOMETHING - skirts go on as easy as pants, and it's just as easy to put on a nicer shirt as a rag. People comment over and over when I wear a dress - but it's super easy to put one one and you look super dressed up with ZERO effort.

All of this makes me sound like a 1950's repressed woman - those of you who know me in real life, please to stop the hysterical laughter, it's REALLY annoying - and it sounds, very much, like I'm advocating "Do it for your MAAANNNN. Make him HAPPPPPYYYY!" Which is not what I'm doing at all. But I'm married to him and he's married to me and we both deserve to be happy and feel as if the person we are married to cares enough about us to do something that makes the other happy.

And, if I know he's going to be home, I keep my makeup on and glasses off until I'm getting into bed. :)

It's a fine line, and one that I struggle with daily - I'm a feminist and not a man pleaser at all - but I also love my husband and appreciate what he does and want, more than all, for both of us to be happy. So? I compromise.

What have you done, my loyal and faithful readers, to bridge this gap?

 

Comments

[kyooty]

If I get the mascara on I'm doing well and if it's a sweat day, it's waterproof. LOL Lipstick is another winner, I've got the ultra rich Moisture from Avon. (why yes I do sell it but hey when it works you want to tell others)

[Headless Mom]

My husband isn't so much about the clothes or make up, (lucky me!), but he's all about the dirty dishes in the sink. Seriously, if I leave the dishes undone he thinks I've done nothing all day. I could have cleaned EVERYThing else but if the dishes aren't done it's not good enough. They all have their quirks, don't they? ;-)

[Anita]

In the morning I get straight into my exercise clothes, which look decent. After breakfast, my husband takes the two oldest to school and then takes a bike ride. In this time I run around like a lunatic cleaning and then do some exercise and shower and usually he comes back to see a more presentable me, not always though!

[Mary Beth]

I'm an ardent feminist, and I think it's great that you want to look nice for your husband. To me, it's part of being in a relationship to make an effort to attractive to your significant other, just like they should make an effort for you. And it does wonders for my ego to have groomed hair and a little bit of make-up.

[amie]

Hmmm, in summer I wear a dress or skirt almost daily. Sounds really fussy and prim, but honestly it is most comfy and easy thing I have found to deal w heat and humidity. Shorts simply do not fit or flatter me. Even w just flip flops, sundresses look cute and like some effort was made.
Cooler weather is more difficult, I LOVE my yogas. But thus far as temps cool, I have made a pact with myself to at least try for jeans and a girly top. Except for yesterday when I was painting and ran out of time to get cleaned up before school pickups. I nearly always wear makeup, BC I am very pale most of the year, have light colored stubby eyelashes ,and have some facial scarring. Without makeup I look washed out but I will run to school dropoff or the gym w bare face sometimes. I like to keep my toenails painted but gave up manicures long ago. My hair is long layers and wavy so it does not require a lot of time. Even if I did spend time on my hair, it would rebel and do exactly what it wanted so whay fight it. I am guilty of pulling my hair up into loose bun or pony at some point daily. I wear functional but never ratty pjs, usually pants and a cami or tank. I wear the exact same pieces of jewelry 24/7. In a nut shell, I suppose I go to a lot of effort to appear as though I go to very little:) Am I normal, avg in this approach? I am 43, mom of two, married for 21 yrs and have known hubs for 25 yrs. I want hubs to notice of course and I don't want my kids to be ashamed of my appearance/grooming. Honestly ,I just feel a bit perkier/spiffier if I prep a bit. Another thing I always wear is a bra outside of bedroom. I am not flat chested and for almost 44 still defying gravity to some extent, want to keep it that way. My pet peeve is free and floating boobies of a certain age in public, yucky and distracting.
And with all that being said, I still need to find a couple semi casual dresses/skirts for fall/winter. Driving me bonkers, I can not find anything anywhere!!!

[amie]

Yikes, I wrote a long post! Sorry about that. I think the topic got me going on a little self assessment. Thanks :)