Mom to the Screaming Masses

How's Your Sense of Direction?

I have a great sense of direction.

Seriously. That's not bragging, it's the truth. I'm the person you ask for directions, the one who helps when people get lost, the one who can always find their way home.

In fact, the first time I was in CA, I was in a car with some friends - they had picked me up at the airport, and we drove into San Franciso to pick up another, and then we were driving to a house that we'd rented for a few days. (This was in the early days of the internet, when flying across the country to meet people you'd only met online basically assured that you were flying to meet a hairy 15 year old axe murderer.)

We got lost. I got us out of there - me. The only one in the car who didn't live in California.

Don't ask my husband to give you directions - people end up in the wrong city when he does so. We all have our strengths - the man can fix anything in the entire world that breaks, no matter if he's never ever done tht kind of work. It's more than slightly maddening, but at least I can tell people how to find places. My directions might be along the lines of, "Turn right at the 7-11, and then go down to the house with the yellow door" - but I can get you there. I'm also really really good at finding my way around my own town, and the neighboring cities.

I never get lost.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my daughters had an event and I needed to pick her up at 10 p.m.  downtown. It was in an area with which I am familiar and I left my house in plenty of time. It was an easy 20 minute ride and I brought a book, thinking I'd be early enough to sit and read for a minute. 

And I GOT LOST. Completely and totally, 100% lost. So lost that I started to be afraid. Which was totally ridiculous.

It started when I drove to the other city on auto pilot and passed the road upon which I needed to turn - and didn't realize it until several streets later - and when I did, the cut through I thought was there had been closed for road construction and there was a detour. I followed that detour, but it lead to a residential area - one that is pretty expensive - and had NO streetlights OR street signs.

And I kept circling around, knowing that *surely* one of those roads would lead to a road I knew - but it didnt, and I became more and more disoriented. I looked online on my phone, but the theater had no street address (??) and I had no idea where I was. I entered the name of the building into my GPS, but with no street name it wasn't found.

It was so ridiculous and so frustrating that I started to cry. Not because I was afraid, or lost, but just because I was so incredibly frustrated. Have you ever been that upset with yourself? I kept driving, and calling my daughter, whose friend must have thought I was the *biggest* idiot - who gets lost in this tiny city? Finally, I gave up, and we agreed to meet at a different location.

So instead of being 15 minutes early, I ended up meeting my daughter at a McDonalds almost 20 minutes late. I felt like a drug dealer pulling in to a fast food parking lot at almost 10:30, peering into cars, looking for my kid - and profuse apologies and sincere, although ridiculous, explanations, later - we were on our way -

and I still have no idea how I became so lost.

I think I'm being given a lot of opportunities to learn humility lately. I just wish that one of them would stick so I could stop going through these situations. I'm getting tired of them.

Today, I was in that same city, and I purposely got lost, trying to find my way to that theater, just so that never happens again.

Lots of Wind, Lots of Rain, but OK Overall

We got a lot of rain. More than 12". We had a ton of wind. Lots and lots and LOTS of wind.

My little girls were in my room this morning at 7 a.m. - on a NO SCHOOL DAY, this is tantamount to a sin - scared because the wind was whistling and making scary noises. (Their bedroom sticks out and the wind does whip around it.)

But, overall, we were fine. Again. Lucky, once more. It's still raining right now and forecast to rain for the next day or so, but the wind has died down a bit and the storm is well past us.

The last couple of storms we've had were much worse in the hype than actually panned out - and while I'm not silly enough to start to take these things less seriously - we've made it through unscathed.

Some pics of my home town - I didn't take any of these, but they circulated Facebook and Twitter today, so if they are yours PLEASE let me know so that I can give proper accreditation:

This is the oceanfront where I take my kids - the beach is usually about, oh, 30-40 yards deep, according to my husband (and depending upon if they've replenished the sand recently).

Another view

King Neptune statue at the beach

Restaurant at Chick's Beach - the outdoor bar

Check in if you are in hurricane alley - how are you doing??

 

Seatbelt Time!

So, Frankenstorm 2012.

No idea what I'm talking about? Click that link.

If you live on the East Coast, from NC to NY - it's time to get yourself in order. We've got a bumpy couple of days ahead of us.

Here are the things we've done to prepare:

• bought gas for the generator - key to keeping the fridge going and the coffeemaker and the phones charged
• filled the extra propane tank
• downloaded new books for every reading device I have
• as well as set out some books to read that are paper
• bought the requiste bread/milk/food stuffs that can be eaten without prep
• we already had water
• filled car gas tanks
• picked up the entire yard and secured it all
• taken pics of the outside of the house - just in case, for insurance purposes
• located batteries/flashlights/candles and matches
• found the French press - AND lots of preground coffee - in case I can't use the Keurig

I've cooked a lot. Made bread, 2 kinds of cookies, extra dinners that can be reheated. I still need to refill one of my son's medications, just in case we lose power and so does the pharmacy.

We have plenty of booze.

Everyone is going to shower/hair wash tonight - mostly because that's what I have the shorties do on Saturday night - but also just in case. All of the laundry is done, and I'll make sure everything in vacuumed tonight.

What? I don't like dirty carpets. Everyone has something they do before storms - some of which might make you shake your heads - mine is vacuuming.

Once, we had a storm hit us in a similar fashion, and we lost power for 6 days. It was August, and I was pregnant, and it was a bad scenario. I'm thinking that we will probably lose power for a while - but at least it's not August and I'm not pregnant.

BOOM.

Are you in an affected area? What steps have you done to get yourself prepared?

Stay safe, y'all. I'll update as I can.

_________

I'm taking on the Walgreens Balance Rewards program - check it out and follow along!

Question for a Friday

I heard this in a eulogy, and it stuck with me.

"You are what people say you are."

I don't agree with this - although the speaker was talking about his father, who was a very good guy and everyone said so, and his point was that his dad WAS what everyone thought - amazing.

I wonder what your thoughts are to that sentence.

"You are what people say you are."

"Thirteen Feels Like Tired"

That's what he said to me this morning, when I woke him with the words, "Happy birthday, Gabe!"

He doesn't like to get up for school. (Pssst - got a secret for you, kiddo - none of us do!)

He's smart and sharp and got a style of his very own. When he went away for his yearly trip with my mom, he capped off the outfit with just the right piece of flair.

He's tried wearing contacts and he's not a fan, but he's got some really gorgeous eyes.

He's funny and goofy and a completely boy type child. He makes faces, laughs at fart jokes and lives, breathes and sleeps Legos and Minecraft.

I prefer Minecraft - somewhat - just because I don't step on them.

Happy Birthday, Big Man. You are now a teenager. If hisory is anything like it's been, the next few years will force us to put on our seatbelts and hold on for dear life.

I hope your life is filled with Legos, books, laughs, friends, music, more books, pizza, chocolate cake, nut free cookies, Ninjago, MInecraft, Creepers, and even more books.

Mommy loves you.

Every Person has a Story

That's been a really interesting part of doing funeral ministry for me.

I have a tendency to take people at their public face - what they show to the public, what most people know about them. I mean, if someone comes across as a know it all, difficult to get to know, sort of standoffish and rude - who among us doesn't take that person at that truth?

And avoid getting to know that person.

When, in reality, that person may have a fascinating story of love and loss, heartbreak and tragedy, irritability and stalwart servitude. But you'd never know it.

You find out a LOT about people when you start to talk to them - and even more when you shut off your own big fat mouth, close down your ever working brain, stop trying to figure out what you are going to say next

and instead - just listen.

I spoke with an older lady once, who had been married to a sailor and was being honored during a Veteran's Day ceremony. I asked her what she'd done to be awarded - and she said, with a shrug,

I was just a mom.

But when I talked to her, for a long while, she had so many stories of love and loss. Betrayal, heartbreak, death and denial sandwiched in there with a whole lot of laughter and snark.

I try to remember this when I'm dealing with someone especially difficult. Reflecting on the person as a puzzle, an enigma, a challenge - has been really helpful, and I wonder:

What would be the piece of information that people would find most interesting, most unusual or most astonishing about you?

Yes. It's Blue. So What?

These are fairly lousy self portraits - what I wouldn't GIVE to have a couple of my photographer blogging friends nearby - but yes, I *did* put more blue in my hair. On the top.

And, yes, there's some green in there too.

And, yes, I knew what I was doing and, yes, I wanted it to look like that.

And, no, I'm not crazy. Or having a midlife crisis. I promise.

:)

Life is Super Funny

I struggle with keeping my house tidy. Not clean, that part is fine. I struggle with getting everyone to pick up their stuff. All day long, I walk around, pick up stuff, and return it to its proper place. This bugs me for several reasons. One: am I the only person who can see this amount of filth?

And how can I get that filter on myself? I would love to be able to go into a room and not notice the 726543 things that don't belong in that room.

This is a constant source of frustration for me. I feel like a drill sergeant, I nag and it never changes topic. Pick up your shoes. Pick up your coat. Pick up your book bag. Pack up your schoolwork. Whose pencil is this? Whose paper is this? Why are there socks in front of the toilet? Stand the shampoo bottles up - don't leave your lego minifigs on the table.

Once, I was very very frustrated. I picked everything up that didn't belong in a room, and I put it into a laundry basket. I called a family meeting, had a speech, and gave everyone back their stuff. They didn't care. I tried holding it for ransom, charging them per item – nothing seems to work.

And I get so frustrated, it affects how I behave towards my family. I don't like this. I don't like that asking nicely doesn't seem to help, asking firmly doesn't get me anywhere, and setting an expectation – and expecting it to be followed – doesn't seem to work either. I do not want to be the self-sacrificing martyr mother, the slave that services everyone else's needs.

We are a FAMILY. Not a society in which everyone drops everything wherever and I walk around and pick it back up.

And I don't want to be a harridian. It's not the memory I want. It's not the face I wish to present.

But, oh, am I so super aggravated.

______________________

Three days ago, I opened my Facebook to find that a very good friend reported that her son had been involved in a critical motor vehicle versus semitruck accident. Her son was in critical condition and on life support. The next day, Max passed on. I'm devastated for my friend, reeling at the thought that her beloved firstborn son, a boy of 19, close in age to my own children, could be gone from this world. He was everything that is good and right – always there to lend a hand, always happy, in short – the best kind of kid.

And I'm sure his mother could care less if there's any mess in her house that he left behind.

It's a sobering lesson for all of us.

_____________________

I've tried, with varying levels of success, to get a handle on this situation, being cognizant of the reality that, in the long run, mess doesn't matter - life does.

Love matters.

Appreciation, kindness, gentleness and making people feel good are what is important.

What happened this week has rattled me.

But I'd be a liar if I said I was no longer bothered by the intense lack of personal responsibility that I see displayed. And frustrated at the ability to reign in both the laziness and my own frustration, and balance it with appreciation and love.

Especially when I feel little of it coming back my way.

Except from my husband.

Wrap Up

My friend David has a campaign that he's working on. I am not compensated for posting this in any way - I'm posting it because I believe in it. We had a scary experience recently that David heard about, and he clued me in to a great resource - it's called LoveIsRespect. If you've got preteen or teenage kids - boys AND girls - I'd really recommend that you look at the site, and at the very least, share this graphic with your kids - it's small enough that they won't feel preached at, and packs a super punch of information quickly.

These were the BEST meatballs I ever made and enjoyed. Double the sauce. You won't regret it.

Dedicated and pretty, oh so pretty reader Wendy begs a favor from some of you:

My son's 2nd grade class is looking for postcards from all 50 states. They need the following states:

Massachusetts
Georgia
Indiana
Lousianna
Tennessee
Connecticut
Nebraska
Ohio
Rhode Island
Delaware
Kansas
Maryland
South Carolina
and West Virginia.

They need to be unique to that state and the sender should write something about their state on the back. They should be mailed to:

Mrs. Stockert's 2nd Grade
Lewis & Clark Elementary
600 14th St NW
Mandan, ND 58554

Have you seen the video of "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" - my kid has a great explanation!

Did you enter the giveaway for the Flutterific DVD pack - it's a GREAT gift for the upcoming holiday season - it's not too soon to start your shopping!

Further Discussion on "Getting Pretty for the Day"

A commenter asked for elaboration on a prior post, and I'm happy to provide:  

I do have one BIG question in that regard: when your children were little, how did you manage to stay dressed up all day? like, my oldest is 9 then come 8,7,almost 5,3,and 19 months. What I used to do was wear my "work clothes" during the day and shower and change into something nicer when my husband comes home. Problem is on the weekends and on his days off (he doesn't work a typical 9-5 right now). I need to get the bulk of my cleaning done when the big boys are at school... presentable and bleach don't really go together...

Full disclosure: I'm sitting under the dryer at the hair salon, getting my color did. So I'm DEFINITELY a more high maintenance gal than I was when I had small kids. When the shorties were even smaller, it was all I could do to be clothed daily.

Here are some random ideas and thoughts that worked for me. Some of them worked for a small time and then I had to readjust, some of them I still use to this day, and many of them may not ever work for you. And, hello - they are from ME - which makes them rambling, disjointed and many times, incomprehensible. My life and circumstances are completely different than yours - but we do have many similarities.

I remember, one night, my husband came home from work at about 10:45. I looked like warmed over dog crap - in my defense, I had a bunch of small kids around and, hello, I was ready to go to bed. I had no makeup on. I'd taken my contacts out, so I was wearing my coke bottom glasses. I had on a ratty tshirt and cut off sweats. He asked me why I didn't put on makeup when he came home, do my hair, get dressed - that sort of thing. Look pretty for him, since he'd been out all day.

Um, hello - I'm going to bed.

But I started thinking, and making some very small changes.

I have different clothes I wear when I'm cleaning. And that cleaning is done when I can, not on a particular schedule - so he might be around when I'm cleaning. But if I'm wearing scrubby clothes, I try, at least, to make sure I'm wearing makeup and my hair is done. That might mean putting my hair into a neat twist or ponytail - not letting it hang into my face. For me, and only for me - the makeup is key. It's AMAZING to me what a difference some makeup can make - and I'm talking 4 products. 5, tops. I use a cover up with a brush, a foundation stick, powder blush and mascara. I can do each one in stages, if I need - but all four can be applied in 2:30. I've timed it. :) 

I am a huge wearer of lip balm. If you find a tinted balm, it can take the place of lipstick. Stick it in your pants pocket, apply it whenever you think about it.

If my hair is tidy and my makeup is done, and I'm wearing scrubby clothes, it doesn't seem to matter, is the point I'm working SUPER hard to make - and not succeeding, I'm sure. I try, as often as I can, to change into something a little nicer when I'm done cleaning. That nicer, though - it's not a fancy outift. It might just be a clean t shirt to go with my jeans. Add a necklace and it looks like a LOT more.

Are you doing deep cleaning every day? Maybe do it twice a week, on days that you know you'll have the space. Will it work if you wear an apron? I know that I've started wearing them, even though I REALLY feel like a 1950's housewife - but they do preserve my clothes a bit.  And when I say "dressed up" - I'm not in a dress, hose and heels - more like a skirt with tights and flats. I have an Ann Taylor Loft pencil skirt that I LOVE - and I wear it quite a bit in the winter. It's comfy, and with tights I look like I'm trying a LOT harder than I am. My philosophy is, I've gotta put on SOMETHING - skirts go on as easy as pants, and it's just as easy to put on a nicer shirt as a rag. People comment over and over when I wear a dress - but it's super easy to put one one and you look super dressed up with ZERO effort.

All of this makes me sound like a 1950's repressed woman - those of you who know me in real life, please to stop the hysterical laughter, it's REALLY annoying - and it sounds, very much, like I'm advocating "Do it for your MAAANNNN. Make him HAPPPPPYYYY!" Which is not what I'm doing at all. But I'm married to him and he's married to me and we both deserve to be happy and feel as if the person we are married to cares enough about us to do something that makes the other happy.

And, if I know he's going to be home, I keep my makeup on and glasses off until I'm getting into bed. :)

It's a fine line, and one that I struggle with daily - I'm a feminist and not a man pleaser at all - but I also love my husband and appreciate what he does and want, more than all, for both of us to be happy. So? I compromise.

What have you done, my loyal and faithful readers, to bridge this gap?