Question for a Friday

I heard this in a eulogy, and it stuck with me.

"You are what people say you are."

I don't agree with this - although the speaker was talking about his father, who was a very good guy and everyone said so, and his point was that his dad WAS what everyone thought - amazing.

I wonder what your thoughts are to that sentence.

"You are what people say you are."

Comments

[Laura]

Hmmm.... I think there is a lot of truth to it. I definitely believe that people SEE who we are and can make a good determination of who we are by seeing how we behave/what we do in our everyday lives. Where I think the argument for this could break down is when it comes to people who have ulterior motives for deciding to believe something negative about you or are just generally negative or bad people. You have to weigh what kind of person it is with who they think you are. There are nutty people out there who you have to know not to give too much credit to and therefore not worry yourself about what they think.

I do believe that people who feel they are misunderstood A LOT (ie who people think you are isn't who you you believe you are) or who are continually put in the middle of drama where they have conflict with people or who there are people who turn against them or whatever, REALLY should take a GOOD look at themselves and consider whether they are really being the person they think they are being. Or whether they are SHOWING people the person they really are inside. I've known people who feel they constantly victims of unfair judgement by others, are misunderstood, or whatever. The truth is - the large majority of the time, they are doing sometime to cause this. Gossipy people aren't going to be interested in thinking bad thoughts of people who really do live their life conflict free, doing good things, are loyal, true friends, are upfront with others, etc. (I would say the exception to this could be politicians or community or organization leaders who seem to attract lots of judgement by the nature of their position.) I don't necessarily think these people are doing something intentional, but maybe it is that their personality is just one that is different and is more able to be misunderstood (such as a shy person whose shyness comes off as elitist or unfriendly - I've know a couple like this). It is always best to take a hard look inward before you decide that it is everyone elses problem and that THEY are the ones who are wrong about you.

[Katie]

What it means to me, anyway, is that when you die, all that's left is the way people remember you. I don't really believe in an afterlife, so for me, what will remain when I am gone are the people I touched and the memories I created with others. I will live on, not in the spiritual sense, but in the goodwill I fostered in the world while I was here. In a sense, after we die, all that remains are the memories of the person others thought we were.

[CJ]

"Character is about who you are. Reputation is about who people think you are."
I think there could be some truth to the sentence you heard, although I think the other quote: "You are who you are when no one is watching" ties in as well. In short, I think we as people only show certain pieces of who we "are" to certain people, and honestly whos to say thats who we really are. :) Intriguing thought for sure! Hope you have a good weekend.

[Cheryl]

I agree with that saying. You are something completely different to every person you know. Every one of those people will see you in a different way.

Also, you how you will be perceived in any given moment will change, depending on the current situation, and how close or involved you are with that person.

My only hope is that when people say that about me, that they all mean it in a positive manner!!

I also agree with CJ's comment - this is a very intriguing thought, and could lead to a very interesting conversation!!!

[xenia katie]

I think it's true in the sense that oftentimes, people are capable of seeing our strengths and our faults almost better than we can. I.e., I'm sure I am too hard on myself and overlook or downplay my strengths. And some of my sins/ weaknesses are so embedded in me, I am not aware of them (yet), but it might be as clear as day to those who know me and are too kind (let's hope.... usually) to say anything.

But on the other hand, only God knows who we really are, our thoughts, struggles, intentions. Which is why we cannot be judgmental of others on this side of life... only God truly knows us, and will judge with His perfect love and mercy.

Sorry to get rambly and preachy :) I guess, as most things in life, my answer is "yes" and "no" at the same time :)

Happy belated 13th to your sweet Gabriel!

[Lisa]

I agree with the statement. People typically are "right on the money" with what they say about you. You may not agree with what they say about you, but if you really look in your "heart of hearts" you can almost always find some truth in their words.

[addy]

Not necessarily true. If someone is unhappy with you or with a decision you made their comments may not be accurate. Those who love you and care for you will be true to fact. In that case, you are probably those words and more.

[JMB]

To an extent, yes I think the statement is true, but it's a limited truth. I think each person is a mystery, and the fullness of a person is only known to God. Only God knows the truth. We are limited in our awareness and knowledge of other people's lives, thoughts, motivations, sins. We see only their public persona. However, I do think that how we conduct ourselves with both the big and the little things in our lives, does reveal a truth about ourselves. Christ says that if a man is trustworthy in little things, he is trustworthy in big things. A reputation can be destroyed in a heartbeat - think Joe Paterno. Or it can be salvaged with mercy and love.