A Glimpse into the Future

Having a lot of kids is really cool. It's fun, it's interesting, it's loud. There's always something going on, always someone with a drama, always a concert to attend, a feeling to console, a new pair of shoes to buy. It's holding someone's hand, drying tears, braiding hair and racing cars on wall mounted race tracks. It's discussing the heavy, the light, the in between and the all around.

Everyone told me that they'd grow up, but it's kind of hard to imagine that.

It feels like I've been stuck in the same years for, well, years. Get one kid through elementary school and there's another behind him - and a few more behind her. I've been involved in elementary school for, oh, let's say 15 years now. I've become, shall we say, a bit complacent. We've got the same third grade teacher for the fourth time - and I LOVE her, don't get me wrong, she's awesome and so exactly what my kiddo needs - but after a few years, it almost seems as if time isn't passing. The same fourth grade project with the same costume that her siblings wore, doing the same dance that all of the others did - and it's awesome to remember that MY kid was the one who flat out refused to dance with the partner and ended up being sent to the principal's office after smarting off to the teacher.

There's a lot to be said for stability, and a lot to be said for creating a solid foundation for my kids, living in the same house in the same neighborhood with the same school mates and the same families. But many of the families that we were friends with in the beginning have moved out of the elementary stage and are solidly into college - some of them are empty nesters, and I'm still focusing on teaching times tables and how to use the metric system.

Which, BY THE WAY, I'm totally crying foul on. When *I* was in grammar school, my teachers told me that when I was a grown up, it'd alllll be metric, learn it nowwwww, they said, you'll be ahead of the game. And I'm still driving in miles and measuring in cups and pints and creating a gallon man and marking off inches, so I feel like I was lied to.

The older kids are getting older, but it's kind of slipped my mind until this weekend.

My son has a serious girlfriend, and she was over. (I really like her, btw, AND she reads here - so hi!) My two oldest girls had not quite boyfriends over, who were maybe, possibly, auditioning for the role, sort of, kind of, Oh My GOD MOM, do we have to discuss this NOW, this is so embarrassing, let's order some pizza and talk about anything else but this.

It was really kind of nice - the girls interrogated each other's boys, the boys did their best to hang in there, the little people ran around like demons, the house was a different kind of loud and it was

foreign to me.

I had nine people in the house, and six of them were couples - and it hit me - this is the future. One day it will be me inviting my kids to bring their kids over for dinner, planning the holidays around other sets of in laws and other responsibilities that are no longer mine.

I remember standing in the kitchen, washing dishes, (oh, hello, tried and often) and realizing this feeling of difference. A feeling of moving on, no longer stuck in the same spot, but realizing that time is marching on without my knowledge, consent or permission. And it sounds really, weird, but I'd not realized until this moment that

I won't be stuck forever in I can't tie my shoes, Where is my teddy bear? and I spilled my milk. I mean, of course I knew it - but I didn't know it, if that makes any sense. I've been so bogged down in the right now of this very second that I had no concept of the future. Which is really super weird to me, as a person who tries, desperately, to cherish the moment and live in each and every one of them.

Sometime, frighteningly close in the future, there will be me and my husband and six grown up people. People who will be adults and will live in other places, probably with other people, and have other lives that I won't be a part of, and although it might make me sad in the future

for right now, it's really eye opening.

Comments

[Mary Ostyn (Owlhaven)]

Not to mention the addition of grandbabies some day. Let me tell ya, that bit totally makes up for having to teach the multiplication tables so many times...
Mary, momma to many, ages 24 down to 8

[kyooty]

It does though happen quickly. I remember when I got married and came home with my husband? It was so foreign because I was the married adult and yet when I got home that year I was still the child. Congratulations to the serious relationship.

[Mert]

All three of my sons are away at college now. Everyone was home for Thanksgiving, though. I really am enjoying the time with my husband and the focus on my career / hobbies. I thought I would hate having no children at home, but I'm good; very ready to allow them to move on.

[Brandy]

My seventeen year old has her first boyfriend. I call him the Boy Toy. We are more than happy to have him over at all, but he has yet to do so. I'm finding that dating in this day and age is very foreign to my husband and myself and wonder if it's this weird, how is her marrying later going to be? Thank goodness I still have the ten year old.

[Shelly]

That is how it is for me too...I have my oldest one, who is old enough to be married an have children...odd thought to me, and then I have the 3 youngers...10, 12, and 13. Next year I will have 3 different drop off/pick ups. HS, MS, Elementary. It is odd to be moving into a different place with these three...the older two getting to do older things, while the 10 year old sits at home and howls because he isn't with his brothers because he is too young. Up until this year, they did everything together....

[Justice Fergie]

Oh what a sweet post Carmen. The days are long but the years are
short, aren't they? On the one hand it's comforting to know that I
won't be helping people tie shoes forever but on the other hand, OH
how I am not ready for boyfriends and girlfriends and high school!
here's to relishing each phase ;)

[mariah]

I'm there. I only have three, but they are all adults. Two married, no grandbabies yet though, and one in his own apartment. They all end up migrating back home regularly for various reasons. The unmarried one brings his laundry over (and does it himself!...I'm so done with other people's laundry except my husband's!) because he doesn't have his own washing machine. The married one comes over often with and/or without her husband just to hang out. We have a great relationship with both of them. The other married one lives out of state but we talk on the phone several times a week. The empty nest is a different "state of being," and an adjustment for sure, but my husband and I are loving being just the two of us again. Can you say second honeymoon? LOL The adjustment part for me has been interesting. I'm still needed as Mom, but not in the same capacity. It's an emotional need now for them, not a physical one, and, honestly, it's been a tough transition for me. That whole "being needed and useful" thing is still a bit elusive and some days I struggle to find a purpose. I've worked a couple of different part time jobs but so far nothing is a good fit and we are fortunate that I don't HAVE to work so I can be picky about that. I know that's a total luxury that many don't have and I'm super duper thankful for it. I do keep busy with various projects and stuff, but finding my new "purpose in life" is an ongoing endeavor. So all that to say, that I'm there! And even though the adjustment can be challenging, it's a wonderful chapter of life! (Sorry this is so long.)

[Megan]

I think about that too, when I read your blog, because I remember when Riley was THREE and now she's almost nine and that just seems so old.

I hear ya on the metric system. They told us the same thing, that we'd have to use it one day, and I remember spending hours on those stupid conversations. And I don't remember the formulas and when my doctor gives me my weight in kilos I always ask him to switch the scale to the pounds mode.

Plus, I totally see it becoming a huge political issue if anyone significant were to propose switching. My math teacher made it sound like we'd just be quietly converting within a few years.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

[Rox]

Catching up on your posts a little late post-surgery (healing well!) ... Loved this one, and have to share that knowing that *right now* isn't *all* is what's getting me through these days of divorcing. I can still cherish these moments with my littles, even looking differently than I planned, knowing that they have so very much of their own lives to live that their father's choices (for they really were his) aren't going to govern the outcome of their life. My day to day is so very tough, but theirs is still school and soccer and the business of growing up to the point where they have a partner or a choice of schools or whatever, and watching it unfold is such a reminder that it's not all about the life that I alone defined -- and making sure that they're self-defined is all the more important to me now. I don't know if it makes sense, but the changing nature of their growth is just seeming magical right now, and as they grow and change, so will I ... and can't wait to see what's around the next corner. Hugs to you as you embrace these changes and the upcoming holidays!

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