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kyooty

well I think all relationships need work. Some people like Mr. Masses there has a tendency to be so likeable and great that uh they get married within a month? I think? so you have seen that spark in him that others see and you grabbed onto it. I think that's wonderful. I also think that friendships change over time. I'm thinking of the movie Beaches? Their friendship changed there was a time they wanted nothing to do with each other but in the end? when they needed each other the most? they were there. I find myself at times not wanting to do the work that it takes to maintain some friendships. I also see how some people (kyootyboys) do not make friends easy at all and seemed to have given up and just been happy with being themselves? My youngest is like Mr Masses, could make friends with a ROCK and get along with that rock no matter how it rolled.

JMB

"Happiness is a long life and a short memory". Not sure who coined that phrase, but I think in terms of adult friendships - there's a lot of truth in that statement. You do need to have a thick skin to be a friend and you need to be able to empathize with another person. Sometimes people say dumb things that they don't mean. I've said a lot of stupid stuff (and written!) over the years and I just hope that my friends will over look all the idiocy and just remember the good stuff about me. I try to do the same with my friends.

Melanie

Friendship is hard. I can be intense, and I expect a lot from people who I let into my life, which can mean that being friends is tough. I have 2 girlfriends who I can count on for anything, and 1 of them we just repaired a falling out that happened last spring :( If I'm your friend, though, I will be at your house at 2AM holding a colicky baby while you puke your guts out and you know it and aren't afraid to call me to ask. But, it's not easy to get to that point.

Sonja

So interesting that the hubs and I were just discussing this last night. He can count his list of true friends on one hand, and some are brothers so do they count? But he is fine and dandy with that. Me, I'm always up for making friends but find it harder to get people to be friends with me. Because at my ripe old age (45) I have decided to just be me and F&*% what everyone thinks. Fortunately, I am a pretty likable person (I think). I grew up trying to turn myself into other people based on who I was hanging out with and man, that was exhausting. Plus, I realize now that I probably looked like an idiot, i.e. the friends of a boyfriend who were talking about a Smiths concert and I acted like I knew what the hell they were talking about and made a fool of myself.
So yeah, adult friendships are VERY different. Just had to relegate a formerly close friend to acquaintance status recently because A) Her husband doesn't like me (????); B) She started making not-so-subtle remarks about things I did that were uncalled for; and C) I found out she was turning things I said into stories to entertain others at my expense.
The good news is that the friends I do have know exactly who I am and love me just the same. I can laugh, I can cry, I can act like a weirdo and they think it's all good.
Thanks for the reminder that it's quality, not quantity, that counts. And if you lived around here, I guarantee we'd be friends!!

addy

This has been a topic of discussion in our world recently. I made the concious decision to find a few new friends. Some older friendships had changed. That is ok. People change - circumstances change - friendships change. We all have options. Sometimes the best option is to let that friendship fade and nurture a new one.

Anita

I think a lot of people are in a bad way right now - financially - and they are deeply worried and can close down a little. Couple that with having kids and busy lives and friendships get pushed to the back burner. Like marriage, friendships are give and take. Also, I think like marriage you have to be prepared to give more than you expect to receive, forgive always and treat the person as if they were an extension of you somehow. Does that make sense?

Suki

So interesting! I've been thinking about friendships a lot lately, mostly because I've been feeling really lucky in that area lately. I was never a particularly popular kid or teen- I mean, I always had a little group of friends, and usually one close friend, but I was never the person juggling social engagements or part of the "in crowd". And now, somehow, as an adult with a young kid, I have more friends than ever before and just find myself constantly surprised that this is my life. It's particularly surprising because we were the first people in our group to have a kid (still one of the only to be married, actually), and somehow we've maintained most of our pre-baby friendships, which really makes me want to send flowers to each of them for being so awersome and not ditching us.

As I've been thinking about friendships, I've come to believe that one of the big factors that determines if a friendship works is if both people have the same expectations for the friendships, particularly in terms of effort put in. I'm a casual friend. I want to know what's going on in your life and be supportive and go out for drinks or cupcakes and all that good stuff, but I don't want to text back and forth all day or hang out every weekend. I felt bad about this for a long time, but as I get older, I find that I've kind of self-sorted into friendships with people who feel similarly. And it works, because we all want and need the same thing from eachother/the friendship. And now that I've lived in the same place for 10+ years and have been friends with people for that long, I find that the friendships have taken on this wonderful mix of casual and intimate- like, we can go for a while without hanging out, but then they can drop in for dinner on a night when the house is messy and I'm in yoga pants and it's all good. Now that I've typed this, I'm knocking on wood and feeling like I've doomed myself to every friend I have dumping me en mass :)

Headless Mom

True friendship IS hard. Not all the time, but sometimes. And that silly saying about "some people are in your life for a reason, season, or life" or something like that? It's kinda true. I mean, there are people who I love chatting with when I run into them in the grocery store but wouldn't invite them for dinner. Not because I don't like them but because that's not the kind of friend they are. (FWIW, they wouldn't invite me, either. Heh.)

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  • Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution, who never sleeps and drinks way too much coffee. She works from home as the Programs Manager for BlogHer, and is the mom to six kids, most of whom play instruments, sing or dance and all of whom are much smarter than she will ever be. In other words, her house is never ever quiet or still. A concentration of food allergies, spectrum disorders and learning disabilities means that she spends an awful lot of time second guessing herself and Dr. Googling, as well as learning to cook everything the family might like to eat. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boxing (she has her Black Belt in Muay Thai), sleeping, exploring coffee shops, photography, ballet class and cooking. She excels in being a smart mouth and has her major in sarcasm, with a minor in BS studies.