Mom to the Screaming Masses

Oh, The Noise, Noise, Noise, NOISE

My kids are super duper musical. They love to sing. Love to play their instruments - the band teacher says that they are ahead of the game in terms of what they should know (and I have ZERO idea if they are or not as I don't play an instrument and don't read music and really know absoultely very little about any of it).

They hum. They whistle. They sing. They hum when they eat. They grab the recorder and play a jaunty little tune as they waltz around the house. They practice the opera pieces for school. They play music on their iPods, they listen to the radio - and they whistle. They sing while doing chores. They whistle in the shower. They sing during homework, during dinner and in the car on the way to school. They hum into mouthpieces, and they whistle. Sometimes, more than one of these activites at once, and sometimes, more than three kids at once. More than FIVE kids at once.

Did I mention the whistling?

By about, oh, 8 p.m. - I start to feel like The Grinch. The NOISE.

There's no purpose to this post, I'm just saying - it's noisy over here, yo. It might be a happy noise - and it sure beats arguing - but I'd be a liar if I wasn't dreading Christmas break.

Answers to Questions and Further Ponderings on Adult Friendships

You guys are slam up funny. I loved reading the answers to your questions! Here's mine:

1- What was the last thing you ate? And had to drink? Parmesan Garlic Pita Chips and Lemon Propel Zero with double the water.

2 - What was the last movie you saw? Lincoln. I loved it, but I should never ever ever go to a movie that STARTS at 10:15. I'm officially an old person.

3 - Am I the only person who doesn't like mojitos? Sadly, one of - I just think they taste like mouthwash.

4 - Do you feel guilty if you run a red light? Or do you just feel like you've gotten one over on the man? I feel terrible. We have red light cameras here so I try not to do it.

5 - If you could only take one kind of vitamin, what would you feel was the most important? I think calcium.

6 - Are you wearing socks right now? No. I HATE wearing socks. So do my kids, and my mom yells at them every time she comes over. Seriously - I never wear them unless I absolutely HAVE TO.

7 - What kind of gas mileage are you getting lately? Um, Jeeps are lots of things, but gas efficient is not one of them - 16. Urg <hides head in shame>

8 - Even though this is the absolute longest Christmas season possible - i.e., we had the earliest turkey day possible - who among us already knows that she'll be scrambling last minute?? Duh. Me. Perpetually. I do have a lot of ideas and a spreadsheet going - does that count??

9 - If someone does something nice for you, how do you repay the favor? Send a thank you note? Make cookies? Or just do nothing and hope karma will even it out for you? I try to make cookies/brownies/cake/bread, or return a favor. I'm also a big believer in karma.

10 - Are you a liquid or bar soap person? So not a bar soap person - I'm squigged out by germs - but I've gotta admit, I just bought some soap from Haldecraft and it might make me a believer.

11 - What was the last text message you received? Poop. Ok. (My senior in high school daughter, who had just been informed that her tardy to school this morning meant an earlier bedtime in order to facilitate a timely departure the next day.)

______________________

So. Friendship.

I know I wrote about it a while ago, but I was in conversation with two friends yesterday  - both guys, btw, although I'm not sure if that has anything to do with, well, anything - and I have thought about nothing else all day other than ADULT FRIENDSHIPS. Specifically, how friendships change when you become an adult, and how they morph further when you have children, and God forbid if you are the first (or the last, let's be fair) in your circle to have children. Or if you have more children than society thinks you should, or if you marry someone whose age is greater than ten years different from yours - your friend circle is going to be totally different. Not bad, necessarily - but different in ways you may not even imagine.

Being a friend is just - weird. I don't know how else to say it. It's opening yourself up to someone else, someone who could very easily say something rude and hurtful and change your outlook on almost everything. It's allowing another person to see the darker side of you. It's overlooking someone else's quirks and failings.

It's coming to a realization that you, yourself, are not perfect.

And I think that we've all been fed a line of cracker crud with regards to friendships. We see friendships as something made of big, white fluffy glittery snowflakes falling from the sky while we ride through the sky on a pink unicorn that farts fluffy cotton candy while I'm wearing my princess tiara and you wear your boa and we never ever disagree. We hold hands and we sing Kumbaya and it's just - perfect.

We see movies and Hallmark cards with friendships that are awesome! and amazing! and the other person is always!there!for!you! and we encourage our children that To make a friend, BE A FRIEND and maybe I'm jaded

but I just don't see that in the world. We confuse acquaintances with friends. We confuse coworkers with confidantes. We think neighbors are interested in the inner workings of our minds and get our feelings hurt when someone says, "How're you doing?" - and doesn't listen to the answer.

And there are some people - Mr. Masses, <cough cough> - who seem to be made of teflon and get along with virtually everyone. Even rude people. Even crabby people. Even people that NO ONE else likes. And I wonder - how are there people like that? People who like everyone, and everyone likes them?

Don't get me wrong - I do have friends. The ones I have, though, are true friends. Friends I can count on. The type that I know have my back when good AND bad happens. Friendships are WORK. And I'm kind of difficult.

Do we let that dissuade us from letting someone in to the innermost sanctum of your very self?

Opinions, thoughts, Girl, you'd better find a shrink, as always, welcomed and appreciated.

Questions for YOU

So, I've seen this on a few other blogs recently, and thought it would be fun to do. This time, the questions are for you. Humor me, here, people - make me laugh at my ridiculous questions and cheer me up.

1- What was the last thing you ate? And had to drink?

2 - What was the last movie you saw?

3 - Am I the only person who doesn't like mojitos?

4 - Do you feel guilty if you run a red light? Or do you just feel like you've gotten one over on the man?

5 - If you could only take one kind of vitamin, what would you feel was the most important?

6 - Are you wearing socks right now?

7 - What kind of gas mileage are you getting lately?

8 - Even though this is the absolute longest Christmas season possible - i.e., we had the earliest turkey day possible - who among us already knows that she'll be scrambling last minute??

9 - If someone does something nice for you, how do you repay the favor? Send a thank you note? Make cookies? Or just do nothing and hope karma will even it out for you?

10 - Are you a liquid or bar soap person?

11 - What was the last text message you received?

 

 

A Glimpse into the Future

Having a lot of kids is really cool. It's fun, it's interesting, it's loud. There's always something going on, always someone with a drama, always a concert to attend, a feeling to console, a new pair of shoes to buy. It's holding someone's hand, drying tears, braiding hair and racing cars on wall mounted race tracks. It's discussing the heavy, the light, the in between and the all around.

Everyone told me that they'd grow up, but it's kind of hard to imagine that.

It feels like I've been stuck in the same years for, well, years. Get one kid through elementary school and there's another behind him - and a few more behind her. I've been involved in elementary school for, oh, let's say 15 years now. I've become, shall we say, a bit complacent. We've got the same third grade teacher for the fourth time - and I LOVE her, don't get me wrong, she's awesome and so exactly what my kiddo needs - but after a few years, it almost seems as if time isn't passing. The same fourth grade project with the same costume that her siblings wore, doing the same dance that all of the others did - and it's awesome to remember that MY kid was the one who flat out refused to dance with the partner and ended up being sent to the principal's office after smarting off to the teacher.

There's a lot to be said for stability, and a lot to be said for creating a solid foundation for my kids, living in the same house in the same neighborhood with the same school mates and the same families. But many of the families that we were friends with in the beginning have moved out of the elementary stage and are solidly into college - some of them are empty nesters, and I'm still focusing on teaching times tables and how to use the metric system.

Which, BY THE WAY, I'm totally crying foul on. When *I* was in grammar school, my teachers told me that when I was a grown up, it'd alllll be metric, learn it nowwwww, they said, you'll be ahead of the game. And I'm still driving in miles and measuring in cups and pints and creating a gallon man and marking off inches, so I feel like I was lied to.

The older kids are getting older, but it's kind of slipped my mind until this weekend.

My son has a serious girlfriend, and she was over. (I really like her, btw, AND she reads here - so hi!) My two oldest girls had not quite boyfriends over, who were maybe, possibly, auditioning for the role, sort of, kind of, Oh My GOD MOM, do we have to discuss this NOW, this is so embarrassing, let's order some pizza and talk about anything else but this.

It was really kind of nice - the girls interrogated each other's boys, the boys did their best to hang in there, the little people ran around like demons, the house was a different kind of loud and it was

foreign to me.

I had nine people in the house, and six of them were couples - and it hit me - this is the future. One day it will be me inviting my kids to bring their kids over for dinner, planning the holidays around other sets of in laws and other responsibilities that are no longer mine.

I remember standing in the kitchen, washing dishes, (oh, hello, tried and often) and realizing this feeling of difference. A feeling of moving on, no longer stuck in the same spot, but realizing that time is marching on without my knowledge, consent or permission. And it sounds really, weird, but I'd not realized until this moment that

I won't be stuck forever in I can't tie my shoes, Where is my teddy bear? and I spilled my milk. I mean, of course I knew it - but I didn't know it, if that makes any sense. I've been so bogged down in the right now of this very second that I had no concept of the future. Which is really super weird to me, as a person who tries, desperately, to cherish the moment and live in each and every one of them.

Sometime, frighteningly close in the future, there will be me and my husband and six grown up people. People who will be adults and will live in other places, probably with other people, and have other lives that I won't be a part of, and although it might make me sad in the future

for right now, it's really eye opening.

What Day is it Again?

Thank you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I've had a really tough couple of days here, and at one point felt like I fell down a rabbit hole into a parallel universe, where right was wrong and up was down. Thoughts that I've had for my entire adult life were found to be incorrect, and my mind was, officially, blown.

But I've taken the steps necessary to keep my own sanity - oh, no, I'm not going that route again, thanks all the very same, keep that gift for your own self - and I plan to spend the next three days with the people who mean the very most to me - my kids. I took a three hour drive last night to help me clear my mind and solidify some thoughts - and this weekend is a gift to me that I don't plan to take for granted.

Here are the pictures that I spoke of in my last post. It's kind of after the fact, now that the next weekend is here - but this was my weekend LAST WEEK.

 

We had a very special breakfast

 

Super Duper Fancy Special Manicure

 

A bit too dark, but I really love this dress an awful lot

 

Photo booth fun!

 

 

Photo booth fun!    

 

 

I never noticed before that Riley and I have the same cheeks. And, hello, hair - although it was super, super windy that day, I look more than a little possessed in this shot...

 

Horse Back riding birthday party!

 

Two of my favorite people

 

 

Granola, FTW!

 

Drama in Real Life

I had this great post written in my head. I spent the weekend getting ready for the big social event of the year. I had my nails done, my hair done, had a beautiful dress. We went and had a great time. We went to the photo booth and took some great shots.

Sunday I took one of my girls to a horseback riding party. It was awesome and a great, growing experience for her.

And I took pictures and had a post already written in my head. And I was going to talk about Thanksgiving and food and recipes and family and fun.

And then Monday happened.

My sister in law has cancer and she fell and broke her hip and suddenly, my plans fell apart. Because I'm not able to think of those things. I'm trying to be helpful and do the things necessary and not be in the way.

I'll be back later with those other posts. Which will be too late and not make much sense - but that's real life, right there.

Without Hope, We Have Nothing

I'm really not feeling very hopeful right now.

Sometimes, I just feel - down. And, well, hopeless. I look at my house, and see stuff everywhere, in every corner and every flat surface - and instead of feeling grateful that I have stuff in my life - I feel overwhelmed that everyone else in my life needs to be able to see every single thing that they own at any given moment.

I see stacks and stacks of wash (both dirty and clean and clean stuff put BACK into the dirty pile), and feel overwhelmed that, short of joining a nudist colony - I'll never be finished. Ever. And even if we WERE nudists - shudder - we'd STILL have to wash sheets and towels.

Every month, bills pile up and need to be paid. No matter how many bills I pay - the mail goes out, the mail comes in. Work is awesome, fun and interesting - but as awesome as work is, it's not a day at the spa, kwim? Everyone works, and that's why it's called WORK - work and fun are often different sides of the same coin, but I really don't know anyone who would work for free. My husband works harder and with longer hours than anyone I've EVER known - and he's one of the most upbeat people, but even he gets down about it sometimes.

I think it's being an adult that does it. Responsibilities, man.

Life has a way of bringing us down. Of being an albatross, a weight around the neck, if it's not one thing to worry about, it's another. It's easy to get bogged down in it, easy to focus on the bad stuff, to think about the car accidents, the legal practicalities, the chores that have to be done, the bathroom molding that needs scrubbed, the kitchen counter that needs to be regrouted, the ceiling that needs to be painted, the closet that cries out for a gentle organizational touch, the

Oh, man. I just depressed myself again.

I think that this is where funeral ministry comes in to play for me.

Wait. Hear me out before you completely write me off as a looney bin candidate. 

When someone dies, the loved ones are left alone, devastated and wiped out with sadness. You can make a choice then. You can become super saturated with the loss and let it consume your every waking moment - and I've seen people like that. Or you can miss your loved one and focus on the good times, the funny memories, and live your life in a way that honors the deceased.

Caveat: I have NOT been in this situation. I do not know what I might do or how I might react.Take my words for what they are - words ONLY.

My mom tells my kids all the time - Put on your slicker. It's a shorthanded expression to tell them to put on a metaphorial slicker and let the bad stuff slide right off. It's super easy to say, but super tough to do. I try, as much as I can, to do this. If something happens that infuriates me, makes me cranky or mad or irritable - I try to really dwell in it for a few - and then let it go.

Easy to say. Harder to live.I'm SO definitely a work in progress on this one.

I try, as much as I can, to reframe the negative in a positive manner. You, in the corner, with the black shirt on - stop laughing. You might not believe it, but it's true. A kitchen full of dishes? We've got food and I've got a family. Kids screaming and yelling? They are healthy. Lots of bills? We both have jobs to pay those bills.

If I'm still feeling hopeless, I do something to bring up my mood. I watch Instant Cosby for a few minutes. I put on some music and dance around the house. I put on some music really, really loudly and drive with the windows down and my Harley Davidson jacket on. I might go into the kitchen and grab a pice of chocolate. (YES, I KNOW.) If that closet is bugging the snot out of me, I make myself fix it.

How do you keep your mood elevated? How do you keep yourself hopeful?

Today is The BEST DAY

I'm 43 today. Wheeeee!

I tried to make myself 43 last year,(by accident, guess I was in a hurry, and hellooooo, math is hard!) but this year, for real, I'm 43. I subtracted it all out and everything - it's legit.

For my birthday, will you please do me a favor? I want you to do something nice for yourself, or for someone else - and, if you want, come back here and tell me. Spread the love today!

Happy Birthday to me!

It's a Link Up Kind of Day

It's cold outside. It's rainy and windy and I'm so, so sleepy.

I wanted to send you to other places on the web where I've been busy - more than likely saying something way more interesting than what I'm spouting off here today.

Can I take a nap now?

New posts up for Hallmark: Merry Mayhem, Harvest an Attitude of Gratitude. 

New posts up for Reynolds: A New Way to Enjoy a Sweet Potato, How to Make Candy Bar Cookies.

I'm now writing for Target Kids: Dressing Siblings for Fall, Accessorize Your Way Through Fall.

Walgreens Balance Rewards - Is It Worth It?

Bake Off, Face Off!- complete with an AMAZINGLY yummy cookie recipe.

The Wrap Up of the 6 month U by Kotex project.

I'll be back tomorrow with something SUPER COOL. :)

 

My Mom's a Nurse!

†

This poster is on display at my mom's place of work - the quote on it is from a patient

For as long as I can remember, my mom has been a nurse. In reality, she's been a nurse for my entire life. When my younger sister was in kindergarten she went back to work, and she's worked ever since. At first, I thought I'd much rather have a mom who was a doctor -- it seemed that there was no glory in nursing.

Gradually, over the years, it's become clear to me that my mom could be nothing other than a nurse. It's what she is -- as corny as it sounds, it's what she was called to do. I was delighted to have the opportunity to interview my mom on behalf of Capella University and their Master's program -- and even happier that I get to share a bit of my mom with you!

What is your job title? Clinical assistant

What made you decide to pursue the field of nursing? I was 12 years old when my grandmother fell and broke her hip. I helped my aunt with her during the summer after she fell. One of the neighbors was a nurse who came by now and then to check on grandma. I decided that I also wanted to be a nurse and never changed my mind.

What degrees do you hold? Registered Nurse; Bachelor of Science with a major in nursing, minor in biology; Masters of Arts in Transpersonal Studies and certification in Orthopaedics and Ambulatory Care.

Can you perform in your field with less education? Yes, you can but most places now want nurses with at least a Bachelorís degree.

Did you find it difficult to be a woman in your field? No, as nursing is a traditional role for women.

Did you find it difficult to be a mother in your field? I would have if I had not taken time off from work until my children were all in school. My husband was military and to pay for child care even part time, and gas and extra expenses would have taken all my salary so I was a stay at home mother for 10 years. As long as I worked part time after that, I could arrange appointments around my schedule. I did have difficulties when someone was sick because of the need to find child care.

Have you utilized your mothering in your nursing or your nursing in your mothering more? I think itís a toss-up which I have used more. My children would bring everyone who was hurt to my door and tell them I would take care of their problem. I worked many years at Girl Scout Day Camp as a nurse and my children were involved in camp, also. None of my daughters were the least bit interested in nursing and in fact, never wanted me to talk about what I did ... I worked nights for 20 years and during the night, patients often need to talk, need someone who has time to listen. Now I work with young corpsmen in the Navy and young doctors and residents who always seem to need a mother or sister or den mother.

Has having a job in the field of healthcare made a difference in your life? YES, it gave me a life! At the time I graduated high school, girls were limited in what they could do and growing up in southern Missouri, I had no strong female role models who encouraged me to continue my education.

Would you recommend that others in your profession earn their Masterís degrees? I would if they want to go into management or a supervisory position. More and more nursing positions are becoming available for nurses with advanced degrees. I earned my Masterís in Transpersonal Studies because this was something that interested me. It has certainly increased my confidence in myself and my ability to do my job.

Share some of your favorite personal experiences: Nursing is one of those professions where you work hard day in and day out (or in my personal experience, night in, night out) and sometimes you wonder am I doing any good here at all? Am I making a difference or am I just marking time? Then I get a card or a letter of appreciation from one of our patients and I can see that for that person I did make a difference.

I am an Orthopaedic nurse, taking care of mostly hip and knee replacements; I worked over twenty years on an Orthopaedic ward in a hospital and working nights I would frequently be able to spend a little more time than the day shift nurses when patients wanted to talk. Pain is always worse at night and to be able to have time to listen was important to me. Now I work days and I do pre-op teaching to prepare our patients for surgery. Many days it feels like that I am spinning my wheels, that no one†is listening, then I get a letter that says this: ìIím not sure how to say thank you to an awesome group of people ëwho were just doing their jobíÖ however I want to try. Nurse Sue for making the paperwork streamlined and easy to understand, Iím grateful.î

Or this letter: ìI wanted to personally thank you for all your assistance during my recent hip replacement surgery ... you care about people, you make the process work and you get things done! All characteristics of a true Professional!î

And one last one: ìWe believe that anyone who knows you can tell from your warmth and
understanding that you sincerely care about their well being.î This is what has kept me in nursing for over forty years and I have no plans for retirement at this time. This is how I give back to society.

L Sue Aten MA BS RNC ONC

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