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Tiffiny Stewart

I think we all have these moments, for me I turn to God when I feel this way, I pray and thank him for all my blessings. It doesn't always take it all away but it does give me hope back because I know what he has done for me and will continue to do for me.


Boy, I've been THERE. And back. At this point 2/3 of my kids have grown up and moved out, so I'm working hard not to be that person who notices that the house is cleaner, the laundry is less, but gosh it sure is quiet around here and I don't really care for that either. I do know that at this point in my life, I have more control over the things that bother me than I used to have, and while I think that makes a huge difference, I also know I've gotten better with lack of control.


Been there too. Sometimes it seems as though the harder I try to get ahead, the more behind I get, and if I do get ahead, it disappears and I'm more behind than ever.

I also work at remembering the good stuff. It's the only thing that really helps.


Totally been there/am there every month. It seems to peak around PMS. Now after the nightmare that we survived during Hurricane Sandy, I thank God every day for power and heat. To heck with everything else. I have a good book rec for you - Dodie Smith's "I Capture the Castle". Its from the author of "101 Dalmations". I think it just might be the answer to any malaise you may be feeling.


This is such a great question for me to answer, emerging from an abusive marriage into a divorce that is as ugly as it can get while trying to do my best to keep a stable, pleasant home for the kids who live with me full-time. As things started to fall apart, I spent a few months basically in bed, depressed and hiding from the world. But then, one day, a friend got me out of bed, put a mocha from my favorite bakery in my hand, and demanded that I start living again. Her actions and all that's happened in this past year have taught me that just getting up each day, putting on my big girl panties, and getting through the hard days without crawling back into bed are good enough -- made better by surrounding myself with the friends and family who love me and have my back. And each day has gotten easier, and I started putting on make-up again, and I started going out of the house again, where I got loads of compliments from my weight loss (a side benefit of the diet called divorce) ... and so I started to feel good about myself and wanted to be out and about more.

Lo and behold, it's almost a year to the day since my life started falling apart, and I smile more than I ever did in the last decade of my marriage. I laugh louder, I look better, I'm doing the things I love, and my kids are even happier -- likely because I'm taking care of myself, and that makes all of the difference.

So long story short, the closet can wait. You, my dear, cannot. When stress goes up, self-care must go higher. The spa day needs to be taken sometimes. We women put ourselves at the bottom of the list. In my case, that's a big part of what basically ruined my life, because I became a doormat pretty readily. My life fell apart, yet I got my confidence back. And it makes all of the sense in the world when you really think about it.

Lastly, I'm a big believer in having things to look forward to -- realistic things, not something far off like "retirement." In my case, I'm going to dinner with a male friend next week and will see where that may lead ... and there's always vacation. Maybe make a spa appointment, then you'll know you have a time to relax on the calendar. And most of all, hang in there, and know that you're not alone in your frustration -- and that you can get through it. xo


I have felt that way the past couple of weeks. It seems no matter what I do we keep sliding down with bills. And time. When I feel sad I try to read (love the library) or exercise or even clean something. Because I know that if I stay sitting still (unless I have a good book to capture my interest) I will continue down the path of depression and being overwhelmed.


When I feel overwhelmed and low I'll often remind myself of how things could be worse, and sometimes how they actually have been worse for me personally (just a couple of examples; loads of laundry stink, even worse though was a year ago when I threw my back out and had to literally crawl around in a sweat pushing laundry ahead of me, so laundry when mobile suddenly seems not so bad; bills, worse by far when husband was out of a job). I too remind myself of how I'm happy the kids are healthy when listening to arguments, or being argued with. I sometimes "tease" myself as I do the kids when they complain about relatively mundane things, "Oh, I should write a book on how terrible things are, and call it "The Awful Life of a Woman With a Loving Healthy Family, Enough Food, and a Roof Over Her Head." Outside of mind games, I also find that blasting music (dancing and singing can figure in here) and scheduling a therapeutic massage (which I had never had before last year, and now can barely get enough of) works wonders, too. Or just forcing myself to stop, and take the time to make myself something I really want to eat (vs. leftovers again, or grabbing whatever just so I can eat, or simply not eating), and doing what I want to do while eating that good thing works well, too. Checking in with friends and seeing what they're up to helps get me out of my head, as well. Oh, and I used to dwell on things like you mentioned, but something finally clicked with me on that and I've gotten really good at letting things go. Of course sometimes it's therapeutic, and kind of fun, to pick them up and rehash with the right person, but I still somehow keep things from latching onto me like I used to let them. As far as the dwelling goes, I always think of the phrase, "Living well is the best revenge." And living well includes living happily. Happy belated birthday!


I think every situation brings a different reaction. I totally got overwhelmed with the state of my hardwood floors in the livingroom (had to add the LR part for some readers) and came down to the treadmill to ignore and listen to the laundry that I am accomplishing.


I am having a hard life right now...unemployed(not my choice), planning on adopting my three foster children (but an unfit relative just filed for custody and might just get it) and I am dealing with mental health issues related to childhood trauma. So, I swum and sit in the hot tub, go for long walks, play with my kids (2,4, and5 years old), draw, listen to music, cook, hang with some friends, snuggle with my wife, see my therapist, read, and try to remember I am enough, just the way I am. (Thank you, Berne Brown for her books and videos reminding me of that)

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  • Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution, who never sleeps and drinks way too much coffee. She works from home as Social Media Programs Manager for SheKnows, and is the mom to six kids, most of whom play instruments, sing or dance and all of whom are much smarter than she will ever be. In other words, her house is never ever quiet or still. A concentration of asthma, food allergies, spectrum disorders and learning disabilities means that she spends an awful lot of time second guessing herself and Dr. Googling, as well as learning to cook everything the family might like to eat. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boxing (she has her Black Belt in Muay Thai), sleeping, exploring coffee shops, photography, ballet class and cooking. She excels in being a smart mouth and has her major in sarcasm, with a dual minor in BS studies and avoiding laundry.