Depart From My Life, One Step at a Time, and Go Softly

I needed to see this today.

Every morning, as is my habit, I check in on Pinterest for a few minutes while still in bed. It's really the only time that I get to check there, that website which gives me tremendous lust for beautiful clothing (that is often no longer available, wth, Make the Rounds dress from Modcloth??) while simultaneously making me lust for yummy foods and toned, well defined abs.

I digress.

I'd woken up this morning and grabbed my phone to see the time, noted that it was much too early and thought to do my usual morning check in and maybe then go back to sleep. When I saw this quote, I stared at it for a hot minute, pushed the button on the top of my phone to turn in off, and turned over in the dark.  I laid on my side and stared in to the dark, and really thought long and hard about this quote. I realized that it hit me very, very deeply, and could be tied in with the "Cogs in a Kaleidescope" post from a few weeks ago.

I'm not the greatest at friendships. I try, I really do, but time and stress and responsibilites and being somewhat high maintenance all combine to work against me. I'm a difficult person with super scandalous standards, a fierce potty mouth and an overwhelming desire to both be correct and have time in silence.

It's also difficult for me because I don't have a lot in common with many people, and my ideas about things and situations tend to run counter standard. I'm also known for being somewhat filterless, mostly thoughtless and somewhat self centered. It makes me somewhat wary of making friends - for I wonder sometimes if people will really want to be my friend, if they really get to know me. Maybe those frienships have faltered and faded *because* those people really saw the true me and ran helter skelter for the hills.

Yeah. You are all running to compete to be my best friend, I can totally see that.

It's not like I'm having these ENORMOUS visible break ups - many times, for whatever reason, the friendships are hot and heavy and then fade. It's like we grew apart - which is a super analogy and one that is trite and overused and, above all, true. I spend a lot of time in self flagellation - what did I say *this* time, how did I screw up *again*, what did *I* do wrong -

yeah, I always make it all about me.

But what if it's not?

What if the cessation of a friendship is just because that relationship has lived it's life to the completion, and being friends with that person serves no purpose in either your OR their life? What if your friendship has come to a natural end, you've given everything that you can to that person and, for whatever reason, you are of no more need to them in THEIR journey?

It puts an entirely different spin on things.

Maybe, instead of beating myself up about it so often, I can reframe the lenses through which I observe myself. Maybe I'm filling a spot in someone's life and once I've done that, I'm the one walking out of their play.

It's not always about me. I need to repeat this until it actually sinks in.

 

Comments

[Kyooty/Mary]

Friendship is hard to pin down because it contains more than one person and their thoughts, and feelings and ideas.

[Headless Mom]

But the ones who remain. Those are the ones that are worth your time and consideration and love. Also, good, true friends like you BECAUSE of those traits.

[Tara]

Don't forget, it takes two to make any friendship work. It goes both ways.

[Soni]

Said it before and will say it again - I think you are great friend material, in spite of - no because of your fearlessness to speak your mind. This post has given me a lot to think about as well.

[mbillock]

I usually find that the more I get to know people the more they just disappoint me. And I probably do the same for them We are all just human! (depressing I know!)

[Katie B. of HousewifeHowTos.com]

This is a truly wonderful quote! I've lately been letting go of many friendships, since my husband's brain cancer diagnosis made it perfectly clear which of my friends were understanding friends, and which of my friends were just my friends because they wanted someone they could call and complain to. Reading this made me feel a lot better about my decisions. Thank you.

[Amy]

All very true... I'm going through something similar right now only it's my job & certain colleagues rather than a friend. Reason, season, lifetime... I'm ready to launch to my next endeavor and they're tired of me proving their way isn't the only way over & over & over again. So the parting should be amicable; it will be on my part - I gotta save myself. I could use a few weeks to let my potential new job make me an offer, though. :)

[addy]

I am not good at the maintenance part of friendships. Just don't do it well. So, I need self-assured and gounded friends who don't expect so very much from me. And by all means, speak your mind. Please!

[Sandy]

" Friendships come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime".....I think this quote sums it up!! I love how you "get" yourself, warts and all. I think that's why I love your blog so much. You are the real deal. :)

[Sarahviz]

I love you just the way you are. I think that's why we click. You're real. You're YOU.

[Rox]

I think that's why I liked you when we met at BlogHer. I like direct people. I don't like BS. I appreciate honesty. I have a firm sense of right and wrong, and my standards are high. And I think the occasional f-bomb is absolutely necessary. So just know that while you may find reasons why friendships don't work for you, there are people out there who really are looking for someone just like you -- even if it's only through occasional e-mails and blog comments! (One day I'll make it back to BlogHer, I promise ...)

[Maria Cardenas]

This has really gotten me thinking. Great Post!!!!! YOu and I are very similar. I also have very similar issues. :)

[Melissa (Alienbody)]

I love my friends, the very small group that they are. And, I'm sure they love me because I do NOT like talking about myself or being the center of attention. I don't like it being about me. I'm terrible at keeping in touch, hate talking on the phone...but love meeting for coffee (or cocktails...LOVE cocktails). I've had a couple of friendships die a natural death, it IS a real thing. However, I'm often surprised when I run into a friend I haven't seen in AGES and they tell me how much they miss me and would like to catch up. I'm old enough to sort through the crap and know it isn't lip service, but genuine. Those are the friendships I don't want to die.

p.s. Followed the link from BlogHer! Great post.

[Cindy]

Thank you, I needed to hear this today.

[Psychologist Sydney]

Nice quote! I truly believe that everyone we meet, we meet for a reason. We have encountered this specific person for a purpose. We have friends who remain, friends who come in our lives but soon depart and friends who just pass by our daily lives.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on out hearts, and we are never, ever the same.”