For complicated reasons that I'd rather not delve into here, being that the Internet is forever, and I have no idea who reads this – although you are all really very lovely people – January and February are always difficult months for me.
I know the reasoning behind it, I know that I've had tough times in these months in the past, and I know that the weather doesn't help. (Although, hello, today = 70 degrees...) I try to be especially aware of this and be kind to myself. I try to do things that will make me feel better. My things are not always the same as yours. For example, I once shared this with a friend, and she "solved the problem" by sending me tons of funny puppy and cat pictures.
I'm not a puppy person. I'm not a cat person. Now if you want to send me sarcastic e-cards, we might be in business.
I typically wake with a sense of purpose, a sense of excitement, a feeling of "Something's going to happen, what will the day bring?" In Jan and Feb, I don't feel that. Opening my eyes leads no excitement, no anticipation - it seems dull and blah. Even planning fun activities- parties, trips, etc - it doesn't seem to help.
I try to exercise every day, for I know that that's a mood improve-r for me. I have in years past taken a vitamin D supplement every day, and I realized yesterday that this might be something I need to look at again. I try to make sure to eat the right things, get enough sleep, spend time with friends, do everything "right". I really try hard to avoid stuffing my face, because I know that food makes me feel better - but tight pants make be feel worse. It's really a catch-22.
But sometimes, it doesn't really matter how much funny stuff I watch, how much good music I listen to, how much exercise I do – I still feel very dark inside.
So. January/February = holding on for March. And today means that I'm halfway through. I know I'm certainly not the only one, and I'm supremely lucky that this is only a temporary thing - I have family and friends who suffer from long term depression and have gone through that myself, both post partum and non. I've taken anti depressants, and am aware of myself enough to know that I'm not at that point - it's seasonal.
Right now, I'm going to go sit outside and soak up 30 minutes of warmer than average air. I'm going to close my eyes and just - sit.
Do you feel at all affected by seasonal depression? What do you do to combat it?
(I once saw a critique of my blog and the writer said that, by asking a question at the end of the post, I was begging for comments - maybe I am, but I sincerly want to know - what do you do? I can't be the only one who feels this...)
I absolutely hate this time of year. I'm inside all day, under flourescent lights, with no windows where I work. I crave the outdoors! The short days make it seem that all I do is get up and go to work, only to come home and start getting ready for the next day. Weekends go by so fast! Like you, I'm hanging on 'til March!
Posted by: Luckyduck | January 30, 2013 at 04:56 PM
Have you looked into Seasonal Affective Disorder? There is a lamp you can get that is supposed to help. I don't know much about it but have heard it helps. You may want to look into it. Hope you feel better!
Posted by: Lisa | January 30, 2013 at 04:59 PM
I'm so sorry you suffer during these months. January and February are very difficult months for me as well - my father passed away on 2/26/1989 and my mother passed on 1/19/1992 (they both were very ill). Since that time, it has been a struggle to stay even - for lack of a better word. I also go out in the sun, listen to music that makes me want to dance, and try very hard to get through it. Now that I have my 4 year old sons, I HAVE to. But there are nights that I will just cry...and remember my wonderful folks, all their suffering and the things they've missed. And you know what? I give myself permission to be sad and cry like a crazy woman and write some of the worst poetry ever in life. Sometimes it helps. :)
Posted by: Julie C. | January 30, 2013 at 05:01 PM
A) Yes, the "dark" months are the hardest for me out of the year. I need sunlight and temps above 50 for prolonged periods of time. Although, I have to say, that just last week I was thinking to myself how this year doesn't seem to be as bad as years past. So that's good, I guess. Generally, I just have no motivation to do anything. I do the minimum cleaning in the winter and avoid going outside, or even out in general.
B) Was this "critique" from someone who pays you? If not, screw him or her. I like that you ask for participation. I like it a lot. Don't change that ever.
Posted by: Tara | January 30, 2013 at 06:16 PM
I am not a fan of the cold. I tend to hibernate for Jan and Feb and look at condos in Maui. Ya I know. My daughter has S.A.D. and struggles terribly with this lack of light and warmth.Soak up as much sun as you can and know that it will pass. And ask all the questions you want - at the beginning or end who cares? How would you get answers if you didn't ask?
Posted by: addy | January 30, 2013 at 07:03 PM
I feel this way. I go back and forth about writing about it, because I am a pretty private person, and this doesn't really fit the mold of what I put out on the internet (:-) ),
but I know what you mean.
I think this is human nature. I believe that all humans feel this way at certain times of the year, or ahem, of the month ---- and you are just one (I am too) to feel the difference more significantly than others because you have been given the gift of having the opportunity to think and dwell.
and I do think it's a gift. Time to think is a gift.
Anyway---- yes, I feel this way, and I hate it when I feel this way, and I am able to realize that I can't get all that much done when I feel this way, so I just don't. I watch sappy movies on lifetime, or read televisionwithoutpity forums and probably drink too much boxed wine. And right when I think that I can't possibly take it a day longer, the fog lifts, I get my energy back, and I become crazy productive and meet all my deadlines.
We're not all on task all the time. Anyone who tells you they are, is lying and is trying to take your money.
and I love you. xoxo
Posted by: Stephanie ODea | January 30, 2013 at 07:18 PM
I used to get like this too when I was working. Never getting outside and the short dark days just did me in. Now I have stopped work and I am outside a lot more, have two dogs to make me smile and a kitchen full of glass to let the light in, I feel a lot better. But I still crave carbs so I'm working on that :-) hold tight, and do the best you can for you. That feeling of sunshine on your skin and warmth seeping into your bones will be back soon
Posted by: Joless | January 31, 2013 at 05:00 AM
Right there with you! You are not alone in this sucky time of year. I'm feeling the urge to crawl back into bed after the kids are off to school. I'm reading like mad just to get out of my own head lately. I haven't been to the gym, and my pants are mad at me, squeezing me every time I put them on!
Hang in there. I saw little tufts of new grass among the brown yesterday and it gave me reassurance. I hope you find some little green shoots of your own! Just don't crawl around on your front lawn looking for the, 'cuz the neighbors might start whispering...
Posted by: MelissaS | January 31, 2013 at 07:56 AM
I'm having that same feeling and to get out of it I like to shop but my husband went shopping for something really stupid so I'm SOL. :(
Posted by: Kyooty/Mary | January 31, 2013 at 08:52 AM
I think it's great that you recognize what's going on and how long it will likely last, and that it's not something more serious (not that this isn't serious, but you have showered in the last 2 weeks, right?).
That being said, what's wrong with just letting yourself feel how you feel. Something in you wants to be dark and quiet right now. So be that. It'll all be okay. I think a huge part of frustration with emotions is this screwed up idea that whatever it is we're feeling - we're supposed to be feeling something else - we're supposed to be happy all the damn time or at least content. It's not true. We ebb & flow. We have energy to spare, we need to collect energy where we can. You're in an ebb. Be in the ebb. Get your energy from the place it's coming from - even if that's a quiet moment on the couch with your eyes closed. The better to recognize the flow when it gets here.
If you need someone to say it, I'll say it. I give you permission to feel whatever it is you need to feel right now. But on the first sunny day in March - you get your newly happied ass outside and get some air. Okay? Because 2 months is a long enough moment to close your eyes and no one wants you to start hoarding cats.
And screw whoever critiqued your blog question while we're at it. It's YOUR VOICE and you can use it how you please. There!
Posted by: swlikeablegirl | January 31, 2013 at 05:42 PM
In January/February, about the only thing that gets me excited enough to get out of bed is the smell of coffee. Or bacon. And I *know* it's going to be an amazing day when I smell both!
Posted by: Katie B. of HousewifeHowTos.com | January 31, 2013 at 07:43 PM
I second Lisa's comment about Seasonal affective disorder. Both my husband and mother have been diagnosed with this. When I probe them what it feels like they both say it's hard to explain not exactly depressed or sad but just humph about life in general, zero energy and a strong desire to just sleep (my husband for awhile was sleeping the entire time he wasn't working.) My mother also suffers suffers from manic bipolar disorder and her psychologist recommended the light box from Alaskan Northern Lights. She bought one and we got one for my husband, they are tad pricey. I normally would say it is all whooy but OH MY GOODNESS the difference in both of their moods is remarkable. My husband sits in front of it for 20 minutes a day while he eats his breakfast and my mother does the same. Even if this is kinda like a placebo effect, I don't care it is sooooo worth it!!! My husband has started going to the gym again, my mom actually gets out of her PJ's (that's a marked improvement). I would say consider it, they have a 60 day money back warranty and I noticed a difference in both of them in 1 week, you have nothing to lose but your peace and sanity. Good luck!!! Sorry for giving you advice if you were just looking to vent.
Posted by: Kindra | January 31, 2013 at 08:13 PM
Whaaaaaaat?!?!?!?!?!? asking a question is begging for..... DISCUSSION on your blog where people would comment? thats CRAZY TALK! what are you thinking?!?!
I'm more likely to contribute when you're asking my opinion... when I have time lol
I don't think I have seasonal affective but I DEFINITELY feel a downward spiral after Christmas. I DO think LOTS of people feel the same and or have SAD. NO DOUBT. I say yes to vitamin D, more ecards & some sitting in the sunshine! And right now the thought of sugary junk food turns my stomach so I obviously need to be eating healthier!
CMON SPRING!
you are not alone :)
Posted by: KG | January 31, 2013 at 09:14 PM
Me too. I printed out the sunrise and sunset times for my part of the orld yesterday. Tomorrow sunset is at 5pm and we will gain a couple minutes more everyday after. I looked at that yesterday and knew I could hold on......
Posted by: Kathy | February 01, 2013 at 12:31 PM
My solution is to disappoint myself every January and February. And then March comes (actually, April before things are really better around here), and I get distracted and frolic away, in pursuit of new flowers. And I forget to do anything about it until next January, when I proceed to disappoint myself.
Hey, I didn't say it was a GOOD approach.
Posted by: Kira | February 01, 2013 at 04:30 PM
Buy a lamp. A proper SAD daylight lamp, I had a big box one and now have one which gradually turns on in the morning and dims at night. Couldn't live without it. Feel for you, really sucks :( I made marmalade today, that and lemon curd brighten my Jan-March blues!
Posted by: Jen | February 01, 2013 at 05:31 PM
I have suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder for 20 years, practically from day one living as far north as the Canadian border, that means dawn after 8:30a and dark by 4:30p. Barely 8 hours of daylight a day!!! Very hard on a Southern California born baby!
I use my SunBox Jr therapeutic light box every day, as soon as it starts staying dark past 7a and continue until I am awakened by natural sun up at 5a in late spring! Otherwise I hibernate and find myself self-treating with high carb foods.
I am blessed that my sister just moved to Hawaii and I spent the month of October with her, extending my summer by a month. I am shortening winter by a month by spending February with her, too.
If you can't get the light box (FYI-bright LED lights didn't work for me) then drag yourself outdoors everyday for at least an hour! Even if its overcast, the natural light and fresh air will help.
Posted by: Karen at A Glimpse Into My Reveries | February 02, 2013 at 03:06 AM
I know a lot of people who feel this way about Jan & Feb, myself included (especially about Jan)! Vitamin D, Omega 3's help ... finding any ray of sun here in the PNW ... allowing myself to feel this way, knowing it will abate.
Posted by: LizP | February 05, 2013 at 06:31 PM
I feel incredibly blah in February. I live in the high Az desert, which means we don't get much snow, but we do get so very cold here! Snow actually sort of cheers me up, as it's different enough to make the day not so blah. It's not severe enough that I need to seek treatment, I just try to be aware of it instead of going "what the heck is wrong with me?!!" because for me, being aware of what the problem is goes a long way toward being able to deal with it. And this comment makes no sense, I think. LOL
(I had a MAJOR computer crash, but I'm finally back online and catching up on your blog posts, Carmen. :) )
Posted by: Laura H. | February 20, 2013 at 10:44 AM