The Weight of the World

Twice last week I read something about kids and weight that really resounded with me.

Kira wrote about her children, and their tendency in weight to be more short and compact. She wrote:  Midway through the exam, it was time to go over the growth charts. The kids' pediatrician and I have come to something of an understanding about the growth charts years ago. He would show me where the boys fell, and I would shrug away the dots with a brusque, "Yep. Looks like one of my kids." The thing is that my children are all, like me, of hearty peasant stock.

Another friend asked: Anyone have any tips on getting a young girl to diet without giving her an eating disorder??? 

It's so funny, because about a month ago, one of my kids fell clean off the bottom of the growth chart. I mean, completely off - she's got a BMI of about 4%. She's 15 and weighs just about 80 pounds. If she was my first, I'd be super alarmed - but she's following her brother, who lost 25 pounds in his Junior year from September to November, thanks to Cross Country and a lack of eating really anything at the right time.

I'm serious - the kid would eat lunch at 10, skip snack, run five miles, come home and eat an entire loaf of bread, and be too full for dinner. When he lost all of that weight, his doctor took a ton of blood, checked him over for everything, and sent us to a nutritionist. She went over snacking, how to eat effectively, taught us a bunch of stuff and sent us on our way. His weight loss coincided with mine, and there was a wee bit of discussion that, maybe, I'd cut my kids food portions as well - but that wasn't it.

Then there is my one daughter, who dropped a ton of weight on purpose thanks to a shitty boyfriend who told her she was fat - and I had NO idea until she went to a formal and I could see her spine and collarbones clearly. THAT was fun.

So when my daughter dropped weight this past few months, I wasn't unduly alarmed. That's what *my* kids do. They know all about nutrition - it's been preached to them forever and ever - but when they spend most of their time out of the house, they make different choices and for various reasons, they super slim out.

One of my shorties has lost so much weight that he's officially "failure to thrive" - go on and ask me how much pediasure we buy around here. It's a lot - and that stuff ain't cheap. He's lost weight for different reasons - mostly anxiety, food allergies, and the beginning of an ulcer. Good times. No one wants to eat when you think it will either kill you or hurt your gut.

Those four kids, well, I joke that they are my husband's body type - no butt, thin. You know the type. It's just my kids. They are not heavy.

But two of my shorties are different.  Shortie #1 is 55% for weight, 30% for height and 75% for BMI. Shortie #2 is 70% for weight, 40% for height and 78% for BMI. So clearly, from my side of the family - the stocky, German peasant type. To look at them with friends, though, they don't look like heavy kids. Interestingly enough, shortie #1 appears to be heavier than #2 - but the numbers indicate differently.

Which makes me slighty stabby about growth charts.

How to help more than a few put ON a few pounds, while helping two that don't need to put on a single pound without raising food obsessers - well, if you can solve that, let me know. Shortie #1 LOVES all things crackery/bready/sweet and getting her to eat fruit and veg is difficult - and she's not a lover of activity. Shortie #2 loves fruit and veg and eats as much of it as I will let her - and loves to ride bikes and go for walks - so if she's doing all of the things that she *should* be doing, and #1 isn't - but they both have really high growth numbers - well, it's got to be genetics. And when my friend asked about her daughter and dieting - it hit home to me. I don't want my girls to *diet* - but we need to find the happy medium of not worrying about weight and eating the right stuff and getting more active for them - things I've forgotten about because my other kids are so thin.

I know that girls, especially, tend to grow "out" and then grow "up", and so maybe this is that time for both of them. I wish I could remember with my older kids  if and when this occurred.

It's so weird to me, how I have children who contain the same genetic background, and yet are built so very differently.

Comments

[Becki]

I remember very distinctly an episode at the dinner table when I was about five. My mother was exhorting my older sister, who's been overweight most of her life, to stop eating so much. In almost the same breath, she was pushing (then-)skinny little me to eat more. Even now I can remember the stress in her voice.

As for my home, my son who eats like a horse is as thin as a rail. My daughter isn't as thin, but isn't heavy either. As long as most of the stuff that goes into them is healthy, and they are healthy, I'm not going to sweat it.

[suburbancorrespondent]

I've found that the boys tend to grow out and then up. The girls, on the other hand, go through a shorter, more intense growth spurt (usually in the 2 years surrounding the first menses) and then tend to blimp out a bit, as their growth slows suddenly, before they have a chance to adjust their eating habits.

So far, everyone's sizes seem to have resolved themselves nicely; but something about my kids makes them suddenly need glasses at age 16. AFTER they've passed the driver's permit eye exam with flying colors...

[LizP]

Yep, it's funny how kids can be different. My almost 8 year old son is a skinny bean pole. My 5 year old is built like me ... thighs, belly, calves ... at birth I could tell she was built like me, she even had cellulite.

[Kyooty/Mary]

my biggest obstacle here seems to be getting my oldest to eat when he's asleep. For some reason sleeping seems to be at the top of his list, while my youngest? is stockier than the others were and loves to eat.

[Soni]

I'm with Becki - as long as you know that you are giving them healthy food, making it available even if they choose not to eat it, you have to let yourself off the hook. And for goodness sake, THROW OUT the growth charts!! There is no "normal". Just sit outside one of your shorties' schools and watch all of the kids parade by and you will see that they come in all shapes and sizes. A lot of it is, indeed, genetics. My older sister is shorter and rounder than me. My younger brother is taller and has always been able to eat whatever he wants and stay fit. If I look at old family photos, it is clear who gets what from whom.
On a more serious note . . . the 16 year old son of my BFF just had a check-up because he is WAY too thin. Turns out he is depressed, just didn't want to stress out his mom. He is now getting help and feels better, which translates to eating more. Just a thought . . .

[Joless]

My partners niece and nephew are the same. The 11yr old boy is skinny and tall and eats whatever, the 8yr old girl got my partners genes and is definitely on the plumper side but they both love sport and hate vegetables and love sweets... It doesn't help that in this case their mother also hates veg and loves sweets. The girl is being encouraged to exercise more by her parents but is fully aware why and is a bit upset by it all. A tough line to tread.

If she turns out like my partner though, she'll be fine - she can eat what she wants, exercises a bit and is in great shape!

[Kira]

YES. This so true. It's meaningless to compare all our kids to each other - even within the same family! Everyone has their own body problems and strengths. So true.

[Brandy]

Trying to get my eleven year old son to eat is like pulling teeth sometimes, he just doesn't like a lot of foods. So I stock up on everything he does like and pray for the best. My eighteen year old just had a doc appointment and while there I had to bite my tongue and roll my eyes. She's tall, but curvy and quite, um, gifted top-wise. The doc always makes a big deal over BMI and was quite happy that she'd dropped about ten pounds to bring her BMI down to "normal". She's happy, healthy very active (lifeguard and a black belt) and yet his big thing was BMI. I'm probably not explaining this well, but I just think too much emphasis with this doc is on BMI? Look at the child, don't discount the child. (This is the same doc that gave us obesity pamphlets when she was ten pounds heavier.) Gah!

[Amy]

I had my first go round with weight watchers in the 7th grade. My dad "challenged" me that if I could lose weight he would give me $100 to spend on clothes. I so badly wanted a baby blue slicker from Hudson's . I was intent on eating plain tuna on iceberg lettuce, cottage cheese, kid cereal with sugar twin and skim milk....and celery lots of celery....it's been a roller coaster ever since then. I didn't start my period until I was in 9th grade so wonder always if it would have fixed itself then without starting yo yo ing so young.
My mom also would tell me I couldn't wear certain clothes because they were meant for "tall thin" girls. I'm 5 7. Hardly short either.

[Katherine]

I think doctors can just as much buy into this idea of the perfect human form where they forget how individual each person is and the picture of health for one may not be the picture of health for another.

I remember being about 9 or 10 years old when my mom began obsessing about my weight. I can't help but wonder if she'd just left well enough alone, I'd have outgrown it but she didn't and I didn't. I would yo-yo my weight through high school and college and always my self-worth hinged on what I weighed. Kids deserve better. All my kids are different. My 7 year old is tall and thin, my 5 year old is short and thin, my almost 4 year old is tall enough for people to ask me about my "twins" but she has more meat on her and my 2 year old grows like a week and is built solid as a rock weighing almost as much as my 4 year old. All are healthy as can be. People are just different and doctors need to understand that.