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Thumper

You might hate it while it's happening, but later...I suspect you will be *so* glad you did.

One of my sisters gave up everything--her job, her freedom, part of her sanity--to live with our parents in their last years and I know it was hard, physically, emotionally, psychologically. But I bet if asked, she'd say she has no regrets and is grateful she *could* do it.

A big thumbs up for taking him in...I know how much it meant to me to know my sister was there taking care of them. It'll mean a lot to your family, too.

suburbancorrespondent

If you are already doing all those things for him, the move should make things easier, not harder. Plus, you are making your house ready not only for your FIL, but also for yourselves as you get older. Time well spent, money well invested...

Nikki

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

And for your father-in-law, I will just tell you that you are doing a great kindness by bringing him into your home. I'm sure it will be a transition, but if you're at peace with the decision, it's the right one. I'm a big family person, and if I were in your position, I would want to do the same thing. In my life, there is little as healing to me as having my family and friends nearby.

Hang in there. I know your summer is intense, but it will normalize, and everything is going to be okay.

Kathy

Wow Carmen, that's a lot. I've been through something similar, except I moved in with my mom instead of moving her in with me. I did it that way because I knew unfortunately it was going to be fairly short-term, and I just wanted it to be as easy as possible for her. It was SO hard, giving up my home and life (even temporarily), but I am so glad I did it. It's great you are feeling at peace right now, and even if it gets hard I'm sure you will be happy you made this decision.

Prayers for you and for your cousin's family.

maggie

God bless you Carmen. I'm sorry about your Cousin, tough summer. I think you will find you have made the right decision. My mother has been going through this for the past six years or so. Gramps had to give up his very active life at his home. His kids looked around for the best options. They settled on a wonderful family care facility...it's like a house with about five other folks and a full time care staff. My mom is older and cannot physically care for him at her home so it was the best fit. However, she remains the main caregiver and is in charge of all his stuff. It's not easy but I know she is happy to do it, who else is there? How lucky your father in law is and how fortunate for your kids to get to spend time with their grandfather. Just remember to be kind to yourself, too.

LizP

We are the sandwich generation. While your FIL would be fine at a retirement facility, he will be happier at your house. And as your dream told you - you made the right decision.

My condolences on the loss of your cousin.

Zakary

It will get better. And easier. Maybe just better.

addy

So sorry for your loss Carmen.I am sure the decision is the best for all of you. It will be an amazing experience for him. Breathe Lady!

Mary/kyooty

It's been said before, but this is a blessing for you all. You will have the time. :) My GM is 100, and while she's living in her own home and my Aunt lives next door it's still a stretch for my Parents as my Parents have my sister and her sons. It's family and it's time that kids will get to spend with their GF. Amazing! it's all very amazing wand anything Amazing takes a bit of shuffling/work. Love and prayers to you all. HUGS too.
I suspect the Dream was indeed a sign.

Ellen

I'm going to keep this comment authentic, just like your posts. My FIL lived with us for about 9 months. It was the only way we could get him to move out of his house, which was 1200 miles away. It is hard and it is stressful. It changes your relationship with the parent and you spouse and your kids. I didn't say it isn't worth it, but please know you're not alone if sometimes you don't like it or your FIL very much. I don't want to sound discouraging, I just think it's important to hear this side of the dynamic. I'm glad we did it. I was also very glad when FIL moved into assisted living. Best wishes to you in all your current struggles.

Headless Mom

I'm so sorry about your cousin. Prayers for them, and you! as you go through this difficult season. XO

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  • Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution, who never sleeps and drinks way too much coffee. She works from home as Social Media Programs Manager for BlogHer, and is the mom to six kids, most of whom play instruments, sing or dance and all of whom are much smarter than she will ever be. In other words, her house is never ever quiet or still. A concentration of asthma, food allergies, spectrum disorders and learning disabilities means that she spends an awful lot of time second guessing herself and Dr. Googling, as well as learning to cook everything the family might like to eat. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boxing (she has her Black Belt in Muay Thai), sleeping, exploring coffee shops, photography, ballet class and cooking. She excels in being a smart mouth and has her major in sarcasm, with a dual minor in BS studies and avoiding laundry.