I'm meeting a new person this week, and for many reasons that are mostly way too boring to discuss, it is important that this person know a lot about me. So I've spent some time during the past week trying to pick out the parts of me that are the most relevant, the things that really make me, me.
I mean, is it really important that I participated in my high school pageant, not placing, but winning "Most talented"? Is it important that my favorite types of music to listen to include Eminem, Johnny Cash, and 1940s jazz? Is it really important that I would read a book a day if allowed, but when my daughter went over her PSAT questions with me, my mind glazed over and I felt like the dumbest idiot on the planet?
That's probably not one I want to mention, eh? Better to say that I was thoroughly engrossed in figuring out how much juice I would need to buy if my 19-liter mixture consists by volume of 1 part juice to 18 parts water, allowing for x liters of juice and y liters of water to be added to this mixture to make a 54-liter mixture consisting by volume of 1 part juice to 2 parts water, and finally determining what is the value of x ?
My eyes, they just crossed.
What are the things that make me who I am? The experiences that I've had? The feelings that I have? My take on certain circumstances? Someone told me recently that I am not the person that he thought I was, when he met me many many years ago. He made it sound as if I duped him. As if I pretended to be someone all those years ago, and just tired of keeping up the pretense. Or, he wondered, is the persona that I present now the pretense?
So, I thought, just because I was curious, that I'd list some things about me. Kind of like taking roll in my own life, keeping score and making careful notation of the squishy areas, the dark and crumbly corners, the gooey centers that I might want to clean up a bit.
I am, of course, a daughter and a wife and a mother and a step mother and a step daughter and a granddaughter (all deceased now, sadly), a sister and a half sister and a niece and an aunt. I often feel as if I do none of those roles very well.
I am a former ballet dancer and ballet teacher. I am a long time lover of I Love Lucy and Big Love, and Call the Midwife.
I am a reported "Wild Woman" - for real and for serious, someone at my husband's job said that recently - who loves to go to bed early with a good book. During my life, I have worked at a computer programming company, several dance schools, JC Penney's, an oceanfront tourist store, the school cafeteria, and multiple online companies.
I love fast car chase movies and sappy love stories. I love Madea movies and mysteries and really don't care for geeky things - MST3000, Star Wars, Star Trek and Dr. Who are not on my most watched list. I also don't watch cartoons. I'm a sucker for Vin Diesel and don't really find Ryan Reynolds all that attractive. (I know. You've just decided to quit reading.)
I love Mexican restaurants and Italian food. Don't like sushi and can't stand calamari. I love history and the study of the English language.
I love coffee (duh!) and still drink soda, even though I know it's horrible for me. I like martinis and whiskey and will only drink milk in coffee. I eat pizza at least once a week. I love to cook and to bake and am super snobby about food. I don't like fast food and really enjoy both roller and ice skating.
I don't exercise as much as I should. I am, at heart, lazy.
I fell out of a tree when I was 17 and spent a few days in the hospital. I have been in 5 or 6 car accidents. I have given birth 6 times, 4 of them with no pain medication and one with minimal and one doped up to my eyeballs. I've torn my calf muscle twice and had Stage 2 melanoma removed five years ago. I have five tattoos and love to serve funeral ministry and help clean the church (almost) weekly.
I hate being lied to. I have a very loud, embarrassing laugh that I don't use nearly enough and if I smile just right, I have a tiny dimple - but no one ever sees it because I smile very little. I have a super fierce case of Bitchy Resting Face. If you need help, I will bend over backwards to help you, go out of my way to do things to make your life a bit nicer and easier and let you know you are loved - but treat me or my family rudely and I'll go out of my way to avoid even looking at you.
I've been told I'm super nice and kind and thoughtful and bitchy and mean and unkind. I love social media and love my job and hope like hell I'm going to keep it because it's the absolute best blend of all of my favorite parts of my life.
I really don't like chocolate all that much, don't care for flowers, and am missing the animal gene. I have no desire to pet your dog, cuddle with your cat, or play with the gerbil.
I'm totally an enigma.