I've traveled twice in two weeks, and I've experienced some really interesting things.
- There was a lady in the airport standing in the middle of the hallway, hands on her hips - doing lunges. She had been at it for about ten minutes and was still doing it when I got on the plane. Just one lunge after another after another - was she trying to get her morning workout in? Maybe avoid blood clots? Me, I just pace. I'm doing travel wrong.
- I never take a bath at home. Never. It's a pain to clean the tub and I never, ever have time. So, when I'm in a hotel, I usually try to take a nice, relaxing bath. I decided to do so, and turned on the hot water. I realized, after a long while, that the tub was only about half full. I turned off the water - and heard the water draining out of the tub. I decided I'd jump in and start to soak, and shave my legs. Because I wasn't thinking, my bright idea to keep the water in the tub was to hold the drain down with my heels. (I know, what was I thinking? I should have used a washcloth around the drain.) It became a race against time - I finally finished shaving in approximately 1/2 inch of water. I WON.
- As my driver passed the taxi stand at LaGuardia, I looked over to the left and saw into a large concrete building full of men, all standing together peeing. It was the waiting area for the taxi drivers - and I guess when you've gotta go, you've gotta go. Just, maybe close the door next time, fellas?
- On the first trip out, I went through TSA with a large bandage on my elbow. I train boxing, and we'd had an open round on the heavy bag and I used it to work on elbows. I LOVE training me some elbows. The TSA agent asked why I had a bandage - and seemed disbelieving when I explained. I'm not sure what that says about them - or about me. Do people smuggle stuff in bandaids? Elbow bandaids?
- On the next trip, I wanted to bring two jars of homemade jam to my coworker Zakary. The conversation went something like this.
TSA - What is this? Me - Jam. TSA - What kind of Jam? Me - Tomato. And Peach/Cherry. TSA - I've never heard of Tomato. What's in it? Me - listing off ingredients. TSA - Why are you flying with it? Me - Because I'm cheap and don't want to pay $14 in shipping. TSA - How big are these jars? Me - ???? TSA - How do I know it's really Jam? Me - Quizzical look on my face as I try frantically to pull up the right answer. TSA - How do I know it's not explosive? Me - is that a trick question?
Finally, he decided to bomb test it and wipe it down, and I was allowed to pass. Between the bandaids and the jam, I think I'm doing this flying thing alllll wrong.
Except that she was able to clear one airport with the jam and no issues - and had it taken away when she had to go back through security at the second airport.
And, finally, when I boarded the flight home from the second trip, this is what awaited me in my assigned seat.
I dunno, seems legit.