Mom to the Screaming Masses

Giving Up and Not Giving Up

Yeah, I know, Lent doesn't start for a week, but the way I'm going, I need to jot this down now, while I'm thinking of it. 

Every year, we have the opportunity - that is, if we belong to a religion that advocates it - to give up something for Lent. 

I often joke that I'm giving up smoking, and I don't smoke, or something similar. I don't like licorice, so I'll give it up, that kind of thing. 

A couple of years ago, I decided to add to, instead of take from, my life for my Lenten sacrifice. I tried to add additional works of charity. This is a super great idea, except that we've already established that I have a decided dearth of extra free time. Then I decided that I'd try to be nicer to people - and that promise didn't take into consideration that I often say that I just don't like people. 

Not all people. Not you. But definitely, there are many people I just don't care for, and sometimes, that network of people is vast. 

I've added the 40 bags clean out concept - and that is a good one, you clean out your house and try to get 40 bags of stuff out of it. But I know I COULD do this and I know I SHOULD do this - but it's just that this concept really doesn't seem like it will help me grow my spiritual life

which is, after all, the concept of Lent. Doing something that will help you increase your prayer life. 

Segue.

I've felt like giving up quite often lately. 

I've always struggled in February - it's a short month that's usually longer than three others combined, it's usually dark and cold and it can be difficult to find the light. This February has been different - I actually realized a couple of days ago that I had yet to feel the depression of February appear. I was happy, attributing it to an increase in Vit D supplements, a solid and concerted effort to improve my sleep hygiene, and maybe just good luck. 

And then I got sick. 

My oldest son was sick, and one day I thought to myself, "Huh. I'm honestly shocked that *I* haven't been sick yet - I always get bronchitis in February! Maybe I've beaten the curse!" Oh, hahhahahhaaaa, go ahead, laugh at me. 

And then I woke up the next day with a splitting headache, and it stayed for three days, and on the afternoon of the third day, the rest of it hit me. Friday afternoon, I fell into bed and I basically stayed in bed until Monday afternoon, when I drug myself to an urgent care. 

An urgent care which had a wait time of 198 minutes, which, no thanks, so I went to the CVS Minute Clinic and was sent home with a Z pack and a diagnosis of a sinus infection and two ear infections. And I started to feel better Wednesday, at which point I had a migraine, and then Thursday I work up to a kid who said she felt sick

and my son had a flat tire on the way to school

and because there is strep rampant in the school it meant a dr visit before I could send her to school, in case she really was sick. 

And my internet at home, the place I work about 10 hours a day, has been wonky and I needed to call the company

and my cell phone plan needs to be updated

and my health insurance denied a visit they should have covered

and I got a huge bill for something I should not have been billed for

and I wasn't recognized for something I did that I was super proud of and that burned, man, 

and I could feel my blood pressure jumping up and I got more and more angry and pissed off and angry and I just thought

enough. 

I cannot do it all. I can't. There is no possible way I can, and it's unfair to me to ask me to do all of these things. I'm not going to help anyone if I stroke out, I told myself. (I have stellar conversations with myself. I really do. I'm the only person who will listen to me and nod sagely while stroking her seven chin hairs.)

Segue again. I'm good with segueing. 

I went to confession a couple of weeks ago and I really went because there is this "situation" at church that has been bugging me non.frickin.stop and I spoke with someone about it - basically, a third person has decided that I'm not a good person and he made a decision to drop me from a committee (a committee of which he is not in charge and has no say and literally the other 24 people want me there) but the entire situation just rubbed me SO WRONG because when he said he didn't think I was "appropriate" for the committee, it brought feelings of unworthiness and also anger and the person I spoke with encouraged me to go to talk to a priest about it, so I did. (The whole sticky mess is a church thing.)

In confession, the priest gave me this STUPID HARD HOMEWORK - I mean, among praying and doing good works and all that jazz - I had to list good things I did every night before bed. 

And I BALKED AT THIS because HUBRIS, MAN. We've been so conditioned to avoid talking about the good we do, so as to avoid bragging. And it's a tricky, tricky balance - when does recognizing a good act transfer over into bragging? It's a thin white line in a loud rainbow world and I can never find it. It's hard, y'all. Try it, if you don't believe me. 

But.

Somewhere in that there practice, I found myself thinking, during the day, if an action I was about to undertake, or a sentence I was about to speak, or a thought I was thinking - would it land me on the good side of things I did all the live long day, or was it going to be an effort I shied away from remembering and squirmed uncomfortably about when I reflected? Making that dirty, difficult connection meant actively thinking about what I was doing and what I was saying - was I charitable? Was I kind? Was I helpful, and good natured, and friendly, and non judgmental? 

So. If I can make those connections, and learn to slow down and be kind to myself

that's my Lenten idea. 

And, just maybe, I can be more peaceful and more understanding with myself, because over and over I'm told that I'm the hardest on myself. 

Oh, and I need to start taking a walk every day. No matter how much I hate it. 

Amen. 

The Concept of Time Currency

I mentioned this on Facebook today, and it has niggled at me all afternoon. It's a concept I fully believe in, and I don't think anyone else even knows what I'm talking about. 

Several years ago, we went through a really, really, really lean time. I mean, LEAN. The economy tanked, and with it, all sales industries just - died. I mean, my husband's income was cut more than half, I wasn't working  because my kids were small and it was a super difficult time for us. 

When you have less money, you donate less - but I still wanted to help out. I realized that in some cases, I was hosed - but there were some places and spaces that needed people as well as money. Ergo, the concept of Time Currency. 

We all have the same amount of time in a day, 24 hours. Not one of us has figured out how to expand that, right? (How I wish I could!) How you spend those 24 hours is somewhat up to you - I mean, we have jobs and some of us have kids and all of us have responsibilities (and sadly, this list in no way usually includes a nap) 

how you spend that time, though, that spare time? That is your time currency. 

Don't spend your time currency on stuff you don't enjoy. Don't spend it on people who make you feel badly about yourself, people who don't reply to your text messages or phone calls. Don't spend your time currency on things or people that don't bring you joy. 

I don't have a lot of spare time. I work full time from home. I have six kids - and although one moved out (last month, we didn't discuss this here yet, don't worry, everyone else is as surprised as you!) and one moves out in two months (I know, I know) - and my kids have lessons (multiple) and concerts (in quadruplicate) and I have laundry and cooking and dishes to do

I do have a tiny bit of spare time. I chose to spend it on things that bring me joy. 

If I text you, and you never reply? Or if I reach out 17 times to make plans and you blow me off? You are wasting my time currency.  I will probably stop reaching out to you. I don't usually do it with a flourish and a grand gesture, but I do it. 

In some ways, my time currency is even more valuable than my actual currency - and that's saying something, because, you know, it is the day before payday and I have about $2 in my bank account - but I am trying to make a conscious effort to spend my time doing things I enjoy and spending them with people who make me feel appreciated and valued. After all, I spend much of my life and even more of my time doing things for other people and doing things that bring me no joy. 

Once a week, I spend 2 hours setting up, serving and cleaning up a breakfast for the homeless at a church that isn't even my church. It is, in some ways, the best part of my week. I throughly enjoy it - and I am wearing a big baggy apron, my hair yanked up on top of my head, handing out hard boiled eggs and rubbing grit pans. Soooooo glamorous - but don't try to take it away from me. 

As often as I can, I help at funerals or funeral receptions. 

A couple of times a year, I try to get together with my girlfriends to blow off steam, go dancing, have a good time - to let them know they are important to me. 

I go to breakfast (early, before work and after school drop off, which means I totally have to get my shit together first thing when I wake up so that I'm dressed and hair brushed) with two friends at least once a month, and I have one other I try to meet during my lunch break. 

How are you spending your time currency? Are you doing the things that fill your soul, or are you frivolously cheating yourself and wasting those minutes and hours?

Easy Cheesy Garlic Cheese Rolls

So, there's this pizza place that my family loves. I mean, my entire family, including my extended family - all except for this one kid of mine, who professes that she just doesn't like pizza. 

I know. We still talk to her. 

Our extended family, I'm certain, is part of the reason that this restaurant was able to expand and to open a second location. We love some pizza, pasta, chicken, greek salads, you name it - if they make it, we eat it. 

And that includes their Garlic Knots. Except that over the past few years, they've changed the Garlic Knots, and now they coat them in oil mixed with crushed fresh garlic and I do mean GARLIC. They are much too garlicky for me, and I love me some garlic. So I decided to take a couple of recipes that I liked and I smushed them together and made these. And they were DELICIOUS and SUPER EASY and you should make them now. 

 

1 cup warm water - warm to the touch

2 tablespoons yeast

2 tablespoons sugar

2-6 cloves garlic (it totally depends on your taste - I used 5 largish cloves)

1/4 cup melted butter - let it come to room temperature so it won't kill the yeast when it's mixed in

1/4 cup olive oil

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons salt

 

-8 oz. mozzarella cheese, cut into small cubes (Or you can cheat and use string cheese, cut into thirds - I won't tell)

-Fresh Parmesan cheese

-1/3 cup melted butter mixed with a sprinkle of garlic powder and Italian herbs.  (Read the note under the recipe for explanation) 

 

Mix together the yeast and water and let it sit for a couple minutes. Add the sugar, melted butter, and oil. Grate the garlic cloves, using a microplane, directly into the dough. Add the flour and the salt. Knead for 10 minutes, in the stand mixer or by hand.(May I just say that this is my favorite part of the entire bread making process, kneading by hand. I can get into a meditative state with kneading.)

 

Let the dough rise in a greased bowl (I used the same bowl) covered with a warm, wet cloth for about 30 minutes.(If you wet a dish cloth and pop it in the microwave until it gets hot, and then drape it over your bowl, you can decrease the amount of time it takes to see a rise in your dough - and it helps the dough to stay moist.) I rewarm the cloth every 10-15 min.

 

Preheat the oven to 375º. Divide the dough into about 20 pieces - I used my bench scraper and cut the dough in half, and then each half in half, and then each quarter into five pieces. This way I knew they were all about the same size. Flatten each piece of dough, one at a time, and place a chunk of cheese on top of the circle. Bring the dough up around the cheese and pinch the edges together, making sure that you completely enclose the cheese. 

 

Put the pinched side down on a greased baking sheet. Sprinkle the buns with more shredded cheese and grate fresh parmesan cheese on top. Bake at 375ºF for about 11-15 minutes until the bread is golden brown and the cheese is bubbly. Brush with the melted butter and herb mixture and serve warm.

(I usually buy a tube in the produce section that is mixed Italian Herbs (basil, oregano, thyme, rosemary and parsley) and I use that almost exclusively, unless I have fresh herbs on hand. I squirted a bit of this into the melted butter and brushed the rolls with the mixture.)

What to do with Leftover Soup

We eat a fair amount of soup over here. 

Well, all of us except The Husband. For some reason, he is not a soup eater. Says that soup is a "girly" food, which, whatever, old man. (He occasionally will eat it, but he usually pours the liquid off, which, ya know, kinda defeats the purpose of soup. 

I make Mexican Chicken, which is kind of a soup, Tortilla soup, chili, sausage and bean soup, ham and beans, black bean soup - all kinds. 

After dinner, though, there are usually a couple of portions left. And even if I save some for my lunch the next day, and a kid or two has a soup lunch - there might still be a couple of servings. (OR maybe I made a LOT of one particular soup. I've been known to do that.) How many days can one person eat soup?

Two. That's my number, anyway. I can eat the same soup for two days, and then, boom, I'm over it. 

I don't want to toss it, though, because I feel guilty. Then I saw this tip somewhere and I smacked myself in the head for not thinking of it sooner, because it's truly a stroke of genius. After all, if you put the leftover soup in a container - even if it's a single serving size - you might have freezer burn, the soup may expand and pop the top off the container, or someone might accidentally drop the container when hunting for ice cream and that plastic, brittle from hanging out in sub zero temps, shatters 

and bam! The soup has to be tossed. 

Enter the silicone muffin tin. Kind of like this one. (Not an affiliate link, I can't figure out how to do that. Just a link for ease.)

Fill the holes with your leftover soup - or mexican beans, which yum, or spaghetti sauce, pot roast, whatever the food - and place it in the freezer. When the contents are frozen solid, pop them out and store them in a freezer bag. (Maybe don't forget to write on the outside what the bag contains, because it's NO FUN when you dream of having that leftover chili for lunch and it's actually spaghetti sauce.)

Put two discs in a coffee mug, heat and enjoy. I work from home and it's enjoyable to have a nice, hot lunch with very little effort, especially on a cold day. 

It's ridiculous how easy this is, and how long it took me to start doing it, but my freezer is full of soups and I am a happy camper.