Mom to the Screaming Masses

Further Discussion on "Getting Pretty for the Day"

A commenter asked for elaboration on a prior post, and I'm happy to provide:  

I do have one BIG question in that regard: when your children were little, how did you manage to stay dressed up all day? like, my oldest is 9 then come 8,7,almost 5,3,and 19 months. What I used to do was wear my "work clothes" during the day and shower and change into something nicer when my husband comes home. Problem is on the weekends and on his days off (he doesn't work a typical 9-5 right now). I need to get the bulk of my cleaning done when the big boys are at school... presentable and bleach don't really go together...

Full disclosure: I'm sitting under the dryer at the hair salon, getting my color did. So I'm DEFINITELY a more high maintenance gal than I was when I had small kids. When the shorties were even smaller, it was all I could do to be clothed daily.

Here are some random ideas and thoughts that worked for me. Some of them worked for a small time and then I had to readjust, some of them I still use to this day, and many of them may not ever work for you. And, hello - they are from ME - which makes them rambling, disjointed and many times, incomprehensible. My life and circumstances are completely different than yours - but we do have many similarities.

I remember, one night, my husband came home from work at about 10:45. I looked like warmed over dog crap - in my defense, I had a bunch of small kids around and, hello, I was ready to go to bed. I had no makeup on. I'd taken my contacts out, so I was wearing my coke bottom glasses. I had on a ratty tshirt and cut off sweats. He asked me why I didn't put on makeup when he came home, do my hair, get dressed - that sort of thing. Look pretty for him, since he'd been out all day.

Um, hello - I'm going to bed.

But I started thinking, and making some very small changes.

I have different clothes I wear when I'm cleaning. And that cleaning is done when I can, not on a particular schedule - so he might be around when I'm cleaning. But if I'm wearing scrubby clothes, I try, at least, to make sure I'm wearing makeup and my hair is done. That might mean putting my hair into a neat twist or ponytail - not letting it hang into my face. For me, and only for me - the makeup is key. It's AMAZING to me what a difference some makeup can make - and I'm talking 4 products. 5, tops. I use a cover up with a brush, a foundation stick, powder blush and mascara. I can do each one in stages, if I need - but all four can be applied in 2:30. I've timed it. :) 

I am a huge wearer of lip balm. If you find a tinted balm, it can take the place of lipstick. Stick it in your pants pocket, apply it whenever you think about it.

If my hair is tidy and my makeup is done, and I'm wearing scrubby clothes, it doesn't seem to matter, is the point I'm working SUPER hard to make - and not succeeding, I'm sure. I try, as often as I can, to change into something a little nicer when I'm done cleaning. That nicer, though - it's not a fancy outift. It might just be a clean t shirt to go with my jeans. Add a necklace and it looks like a LOT more.

Are you doing deep cleaning every day? Maybe do it twice a week, on days that you know you'll have the space. Will it work if you wear an apron? I know that I've started wearing them, even though I REALLY feel like a 1950's housewife - but they do preserve my clothes a bit.  And when I say "dressed up" - I'm not in a dress, hose and heels - more like a skirt with tights and flats. I have an Ann Taylor Loft pencil skirt that I LOVE - and I wear it quite a bit in the winter. It's comfy, and with tights I look like I'm trying a LOT harder than I am. My philosophy is, I've gotta put on SOMETHING - skirts go on as easy as pants, and it's just as easy to put on a nicer shirt as a rag. People comment over and over when I wear a dress - but it's super easy to put one one and you look super dressed up with ZERO effort.

All of this makes me sound like a 1950's repressed woman - those of you who know me in real life, please to stop the hysterical laughter, it's REALLY annoying - and it sounds, very much, like I'm advocating "Do it for your MAAANNNN. Make him HAPPPPPYYYY!" Which is not what I'm doing at all. But I'm married to him and he's married to me and we both deserve to be happy and feel as if the person we are married to cares enough about us to do something that makes the other happy.

And, if I know he's going to be home, I keep my makeup on and glasses off until I'm getting into bed. :)

It's a fine line, and one that I struggle with daily - I'm a feminist and not a man pleaser at all - but I also love my husband and appreciate what he does and want, more than all, for both of us to be happy. So? I compromise.

What have you done, my loyal and faithful readers, to bridge this gap?

 

Crisis of Faith

Heather asks a very deep and heartfelt question:

I find the Catholic Church so beautiful in the Mass and many of the Traditions. My husband was raised Catholic, but was non- practicing when we met and we've muddled through a few different denominations over the years. If I can expand on the question a bit, would you be willing to talk about how you maintain your belief when bad things happen? My faith took a big hit a few years back with a troubled marriage, several untimely deaths among my friends and family, and then infertility. I never left the church, but I was having trouble staying on speaking terms with God. Maybe a more abstract question is about how to maintain optimism? One of the reason I read your blog is this sense of hope that permeates your writing. I find it inspiring.

Thank you for your kind words. It's so funny - I don't really think of myself as optimistic or hopeful in any way. I think I'm way more pessimistic - but one of my kids is the MOST pessimistic people that has ever drawn breath - and so I keep working on pumping up said kid.

And my mama always said - Put on your slicker and let it all wash off of you.

The thoughts in this post are rambling. They don't make any sense at all.

I don't know that I have retained a belief when things go south. And, believe you me, there's been some southward stuff. To me, the southward stuff isn't because I've had no faith, or because God's forsaken me. It just - ya know - happens. Bad stuff happens to everyone. Which sounds really horrible. But I really and truly believe the inverse is true as well - bad stuff doesn't happen because you've stopped praying.

When I had my little nervous breakdown, someone told me something really, really hurtful. I'd CAUSED myself to fall apart. If I'd only prayed more, done the rosary every day, really paid attention in Mass and read the Bible every day - none of the bad thoughts I'd had, none of the depression, and certainly NONE of the crying would have happened.

And that was so, so hurtful to me. It made me feel like I wasn't trying hard enough. If I'd only tried HARDER, prayed MORE, talked to The Big Guy more, someone whose very existence, on some days, I question -

yes. I said that.

I'm not a priest. I'm not a Sister, a Monk, or a scholar. I'm a pretty simple person who has pretty simple, basic beliefs. To me - and only to me - I believe because I believe. Bad stuff happens because people are inherently swayed to do the wrong thing, to follow the crowd, to sit down and watch rather than stand up and fight. I've been reading a lot of WWII stuff lately - and I wonder - what would I have done? It's SUPER easy for me to say that I'd have stood up and done the right thing, sitting here in my heated house with running water and food in the pantry, the freedom to go where I want, when I want, and with whoever I want.

I wonder if I'd be a different person with virtually all of my freedoms taken away, without access to food, cut off from everyone with suspicion in the forefront of everyone's mind. It's not a nice thought to ponder.

The point that I'm really trying to make - and I'm not making it very well - is that bad stuff happens. To everyone. Every day, in every way. To me, to you, to her and him - really great people die, atrocities happen, stupid little stuff happens that really messes up your day. I don't know of any Bible, any church or temple, any Holy person teaching, though, who says that "If you just follow my path, nothing bad will ever happen to you."

Kinda like a roll of Saran Wrap, covering you and keeping all the crap from affecting you. No guarantees. Ever. At least not that I've read - and I read A LOT. People do bad stuff to each other all the time. That doesn't make it right by ANY stretch of the imagination. But if you watch a group of 3 year olds for longer than 5 minutes, you'll see a natural occurence for human behavior to exert itself - and it's not always in a way guaranteed to bring out the best in anyone.

I know that people blame God for "bad stuff" - and I know I've done my fair share - but I equate it to a kid, blaming a parent when they aren't allowed to do what they want, when they want to do it - like, say, a teenager who wants to take an unsupervised weekend trip with friends.

:)

I have hope, though. And I can't imagine not having hope, because, to me, that seems pretty pointless. And, whenever I start to doubt, I think to myself, "Well, you've gotta have the bad with the good - can't have one without the other. No ups without downs, and all that jazz."

And this quote sums up the entire matter for me, much more succinctly than I could ever have done.

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer." Corrie Ten Boom

As always, I welcome your thoughts and musings. 

 

 

Books, Exercise and Politics, and A Reader Needs Advice, FTW!

Amie asks a couple of doozies:

1. Read any good books lately?

I did! I did! Pick me!

Flames of Resistance was very, very good. I downloaded Anna Karenina - can't help but be intrigued, as the movie trailers look ridiculously good - and although I'm just at the beginning (35 pages is NOTHING) - it's pretty good. I read a couple of freebies. Most of them were so stupid that I could totally see WHY they were freebies. But the above Flames was a freebie - a fluke, but very good. Before I Fall was good. On the "To Buy as soon as I get some Cash" list, which means I read the sample and liked it enough to fork out the dough - Year of Wonders, Escape from Camp 14, and Call The Midwife.

Which is a new series on PBS that I LOVE.

2.What is your current favorite workout? Zumba?

Yes. I love Zumba. It's fun, it's dancing and it's crazy sweat producing. It's also not happening as much as I'd like it to - my new job often goes into later hours and it's not feasible for me to get there always. I'm trying to pick up the walking and thinking that I might try to join a gym in which one of the teachers holds Zumba classes in the morning. I love where I go - I have a few really good friends - but it's also a crazy amount of Le drama and this mama has plenty of drama in her life - she doesn't need you to bring yours with you. 

I keep seeing people run, now that the weather is cooler, and I miss running. I miss my calf muscle hurting less, though, and so I'm ok with it - but I still miss it. 

3. Didn't you say you wouldn't discuss religion?

I did say that - but we didn't descend into a religious free for all, so it was all good. I actually have another topic in the religious vein for next week. :)

4.Are you as sick of politics as I am right now?

Oh, golly geez, YES. We don't answer the phone unless we know who is calling. We've almost stopped watching the news as a family - I just don't have any patience for it. I do discuss matters with my kids, I keep up to date via social media (how could I NOT?) but I'm really ready for the election to be over. I've made up my mind, I'm not going to change it - just like the bulk of the populace. The mud slinging, the tantrums - it's not going to change my mind.

And Sonja presents a really good query:

My husband is out of work for the first time since he was 18 (he is 44), not by choice. He is home all the time, as am I, since I do not work at present. I am wondering if you can pose the question to the group - how do you deal with this situation? He will go back to work eventually, but since it is not a financial necessity at the moment (thankfully), he is dragging his feet. I am on the cusp of getting a job, which will help. As much as I love him, it is really hard being together that much.

My answer is the that everyone needs their own space. All of us. What say the brains in the bunch - you, the readers?

_________

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Battles, Unbloggables, Rules and Depression

Jules has the FUNNIEST question: How do you pick your battles with so many children with so many different temperments?

That's a funny question to me because I really don't pick my battles differently with each kid. I feel that I hold them all to the same standard. You have to be decent. You have to be polite, and respectful and helpful. If you don't, I'm going to call you on it. I pick battles for those things - if you slam around, speak disrespectfully or treat other people badly - know that your mom is going to nail you. :)

If I know that one kid is struggling with being polite due to extra stress at work or school, I'll tell the other kids to give some extra space - but I feel like I'm pretty even.

If you know me in real life and you don't agree, tell me.

Janyll begs to know: Do you wish you could blog the unbloggables? Would it be a good outlet, or would the well-intended but sometimes ill-considered advice in the comments be unwelcome? Do you have the friends you can unload on instead? Or, like me, do you keep the really serious stuff close to the vest?

Sigh. The UNBLOGGABLES. I would actually REALLY like to blog some of the unbloggables. Mostly because a) it helps me gain perspective b) it helps me to see other people's sides c) I feel so much better when I get the unbloggable stuff out of me d) sometimes, whe you blog something that is going on that's just so bad and overwhelming - it's nice to get it out there for accountability and e) ya gotta admit - everyone wants to hear an "atta girl!" every once in a while.

That said - I've written the unbloggable once in a family matter and once in a school matter - both times I was super badly burned. I'll never do so again - but it really cracks me up to know that those who read, were offended and caused a super duper storm of upleasantness that continues to this day - still read here. I have two really close girlfriends that I talk to several times a week, and I talk to my husband and my mom and dad about things that are unbloggable. I'm not exactly known as someone who keeps her thoughts and opinions to herself. I do an awful lot of coded entry, and if I need to, I'll leave names and genders off. Sometimes, the fall out from an unbloggable topic has an exceptionally high cost - and only you can measure the cost to see if it is worth it.

Likeable girl asks: Since your kids are in different places of maturity, are rules tailored to each child? Are there some rules that apply across the spectrum without exception? How do you manage that?

This kind of goes along with the first question. Rules in my house that pertain to everyone - do your chores. Help out. Hold the door. Be polite. Be respectful. Do your chores. Close the cabinets and closets behind you. Tuck in your chair. Put your dishes in the dishwasher. Treat other people appropriately. All the time, no matter what. Help your mother.

The thing that isn't across the board would be, of course, age related freedoms. I try to tailor stuff more towards what a kid is able to do versus saying that you can do x, y or z when you reach a certain age. Bedtimes are graduated - if you are older, you can stay up later - and curfews are different for different age kids. Older kids can bike further and longer than younger ones - and those who can drive are alloted freedoms that the ones who can't drive aren't. But - the converse is true - if you can drive and you abuse it, you lose it.

Rox wonders: When you have a child who's down, or who's especially in need of a little something extra, what do you do/offer?

Food. Extra TV time. Shopping trip. Maybe nails - for the girls, duh. I'll try to sit and talk - sometimes, that's not well received. I might let a kid cook with me - some of them really enjoy that. Maybe lunch out.

What do you do?

Coffee, Make Up and Socks

Addy asks: How do you (or do you) control your coffee intake on a daily basis? Apparently someone thinks mine is out of control.

CONTROL my COFFEE INTAKE????? Why on earth would I ever do that?

I'm so kidding. My husband doesn't drink coffee at all - he might have a cup once in a while at a meeting, but he isn't a coffee drinker. I have at least one cup every morning, a second if I come home from dropping people at school and it sounds good, and about half the time, a third in the afternoon. Some days I only have that first one. Some days I have all three - but those days are rare. After years and years of drinking Starbucks, I now can't stand the stuff and drink it only if I'm out somewhere, have a headache and can't get something better.  I do like Dunkin' Donuts, and live by my Keurig - I use the refillable K cup and right now, my current favorite is Cafe Bustelo. It's super cheap at Wal-Mart. 

Anyone, ANYONE, who tells me I am drinking too much coffee is going to die. If you don't think you drink too much coffee, don't listen to anyone who thinks you do - they are just jealous of all you accomplish in one day.

Do you do the dress-up pretty thing every day? Or only on certain days?

Last year, someone told one of my local friends that she thought I had a REAL job - a work out of the HOME job, because I dressed up every day. I do have a real job - I did before I got the one I have now (squee!) and even when I wasn't getting a pay check, it was still a real job. I know that my husband works around beautiful, pulled together, immaculately made up women every day - and so, based on those things, my answer may surprise you - but most of the time, I try to get at least a little dressed up. I wear make up most every day, and try to take the time to have my hair look good at least 80% of the time. I feel better about myself when I don't look like cold death. I feel like a fully functioning adult when I at least attempt to get myself pulled together - and people respond more favorably to a woman who takes the time to look like she's worth something rather than the scrapings off the bottom of a shoe. That being said, I know it's SUPER tough some days - that's one reason I have a three minute, five step make up routine that I can do in two stop lights. I do literally EVERYTHING in stages - wash and blow dry my hair at night, straighten it the next day - and then it's good for three.

Stacey B asks the question of the day - or at least, last week: As a fellow mom to a big family, how do you control the sock situation at home? How is it that no matter how many new pairs of socks you purchase, label, only wash laundry together per bedroom, there are still piles or baskets of mismatched socks?

There's about, oh, 150 socks in this here Rubbermaid container

I really, literally and truthfully, HATE socks. Hate wearing them. Hate washing them. HATE looking for mates. About a week ago, I got so sick of the morning I can't find any socks! She's taken all of my socks! i don't have ANY SOCKS AT ALL - despite the shopping trip that had bought each school aged child a package of 8-12 pairs of clean, crisp new white socks - 

That I just rebelled. No more.

I dumped bureaus, I dumped drawers, I looked under beds and scrounged all over. In the end, my three youngest kids ended up with about 35 pairs of socks EACH. For real. And that bucket? The one up there? Is the UNMATCHED SOCKS. It is a SIN how many pair of socks I've bought for these kids, and I have no idea how to keep it under control.

I've tried buying all the same type for each kid - Hanes with green writing for one, red for another and so on. I've tried sewing different colors of thread on the toe of socks to indicate whose socks are whose. I've tried lingerie bags, kept in each bedroom, for the kid to toss their dirty socks, to be washed in the bag and returned to the drawer.i've tried sock clips to keep the socks together in the dirty wash. I don't match them - I give each kid a basket of their own clean wash and they are responsible for folding it and putting it away - and yet, every day, there's a ton of mismatched socks and no uniform socks to be found.Many days my kids - who absolutely don't care at all - go out in mismatched socks - and I'm embarrassed to say that when I got ready for a funeral last week - I had on one black sock that was mid calf and one that was knee high.

Nothing works.

We have way too many socks, but we've got white socks, tan and green for uniforms, and other ones that are just c-u-t-e. The problem is multi facted - no one puts them in the hamper, the washer seems to eat them, they aren't matched up correctly, and then they aren't put away correctly.

It's a problem that makes me c-r-a-z-y.

Design, Confidence and Belief

First three questions are going to be answered today, and, as always, I welcome your input on them.

Jenna wonders: who designed the new blog design? It looks lovely and I meant to say that on my past two clickovers.

Thank you! I love it. So clean and so pretty. It was designed by the beautiful Deanna of Domestic Chicky, who is very super easy to work with. I'd highly, HIGHLY recommend her work to anyone in need of blog redesign. She's fairly priced, works with you and has tons of really awesome ideas.

JMB wants to know: where does your confidence come from?

My what?

I often feel as if I don't have any confidence at all. I do an AWFUL lot of faking it 'til I make it kind of stuff. Lots of pep talks, lots of "You've been successful at a,b or c, so surely you can do d" type things.I force myself to do stuff. Make challenges with people - often people who have no idea that I'm competing with them in my head, like the lady who bugs me silly at Zumba. I try to work harder/faster/hold poses longer. It doesn't hurt her AT ALL because she has no idea, it helps me stay motivated and improve myself/

And Jennifer skirts the "no talking about religion" stipulation by asking: I wonder if you believe and support everything the Catholic Church supports -- or more importantly, how you come to terms with those aspects that you might not agree with?

We once had a priest at our church was was more liberal than others. He often acted as if he didn't want to be a priest, and was frequently angry with many of the more religious in the church. As some members of my extended family are among the more religious sector, it came up that he and I had some pretty interesting conversations. I liked him. I didn't always agree with him, and sometimes, I thought he was totally wrong - and I wondered why he'd become a priest. While in confession one day with a different priest, I confessed that I struggled with all of the many beliefs that were constantly being presented to me - this devotion, that devotion - this mandate which wasn't really a mandate any longer, that sort of thing. I also told Priest B that I struggled with the liberal and loose interpretation that Priest A had given me.

Priest B told me something eye opening and I've never forgotten it. "As a Catholic, you have to believe in just a couple of things. Everything else is gravy." For example, some things are tradition with a BIG T to some people - processions, devotions and the like. They are traditions and beliefs and not required. 

In other owrds, Tradition with a BIG T and tradition with a little t are different things.

It's a muddy explanation, but it's the best one I have. I believe in a couple of key things, and let the rest slide. I don't think that those who follow every single belief to the letter are better Catholics than anyone else. There are aspects of church rules with which I don't agree, just like there are road rules and work rules and house rules and gym rules with which I don't agree. Being part of a group doesn't mean that I have to believe in every one of those rules, though.

Food - Issues and Struggles and Acceptance

Lovely reader Ami asks:

You might have written about this before, but how did you deal with food struggles when your children were younger? Mine are three and one and a half. It's difficult to get them to try new things, but my husband and I keep offering everything we eat to them. Most of the time, if I know I'm making something for dinner that they just won't try, I'll fix them something else. A lot of moms would say that is incredibly stupid, or, as someone has told me before, I'm being too nice. However, it's the path of least resistance at the end of the day that I don't want to turn into a bad. Does  that make sense? The end of the day can already be stressful, and I don't want to add a power struggle to that at dinner. I guess my long-winded question is, at what age do I finally say, "Sorry kids, but THIS is what is for dinner." 

Now. You say that now.

I know. It's a tough thing to do. The longer you go on making different meals for every member of the family, the more entrenched they will be to eating only certain foods - and the more difficult it will be to stop this habit. I've got one kid who would be totally thrilled to eat pasta for every meal and almost nothing else. 

Unless, of course, you really don't mind making separate meals for each person several times a day/week - and I did it for a while - but I have the feeling that you aren't enjoying this display of domestic tranquility. It doesn't have to be a power struggle though - think of their arguments as a knee level thunderstorm and just - step over it. Remain calm and repeat yourself if necessary - "This is what's for dinner tonight."

The way it works in our house may not work for you. In our house, dinner is served. You can eat the dinner, or you can eat the dinner. If I know it's something that someone just despises, they at least have to eat a few bites. Then they can eat the other parts of the dinner. We always have something that everyone likes. One example of that is raw carrots. All of my kids like baby carrots, carrot sticks, or sometimes they just want a peeled, whole carrot. If I serve steamed green beans, I know that one of my kids hates them. She's allowed to eat a few green beans - while making faces and groaning - and then she can get some carrots.

Last week - she ate every one of her green beans without any comment. I was *stunned*.

I also serve a very small portion of something that I know a kid doesn't like - one of my kids hates tomato sauce - and I know that my mom is reading here and matching up kids with the descriptions, it's too funny - and so when I give her pasta, she gets a smaller amount of sauce on the side. She has to eat some of it.

Chili is a good example. Two of my kids HATE it. They can add cheese, chips, sour cream - whatever they want - to their (very small) portion. They have to eat at least half of it, plus a fruit and a veg. If they are still hungry, they can make a sandwich or have a yogurt or more fruit/veg. But they can't have anything else if they haven't had their (very small) couple of bites. I've been really happy with the fact that sometimes, their taste buds change and they end up eating the former despised food.

One of my boys once said, "This isn't nearly as awful as I remember it to be!"

Everyone loves chicken nuggets. I refuse to buy them. I make them. I make a lot of foods that I know that they like, but I make them healthier. We talk an awful lot about why McDonald's chicken nuggets taste so good but they aren't a great choice - and that's not to say we never have them, I bought a 20 pack for three of them to split (we brought carrots and apples with us) when we were in a terrible rush to get to a concert last Friday night - but I don't think I've bought them for a couple of years. 

Like I said, this is what works for us. I've got some pretty good eaters here, although the list of likes and dislikes is really, really long - but with this many people to feed, there's absolutely no way I can make them all happy. I know that not everything is going to be their very favorite meal, but I tell them, "just wait until you are an adult - you can only make the foods that you like!"

Which is why I will never ever ever make beets. Or cooked carrots. Or *shudder* venison, or organ meat.

_______

Just for kicks, I'm going to list my kids and the foods they don't like. I'm completely mixing it up - Child #1 isn't my oldest, etc, because I don't want anyone to get teased or such - but just because I've never written it out and I am curious to know what it looks like.If I had to consult this every time I made a meal, I'd go crazy - and I'm CERTAIN I've forgotten something.

A - Doesn't like milk. Loves seafood of any type. Will eat just about anything else but doesn't like green beans. Has an allergic reaction to fresh pineapple, peaches and broccoli and so can't eat them, but loves them all. Loves chili and lasagna.

B - LOVES milk and orange juice. Hates juice of any other type. Doesn't like pork, beef, or fish, except for tilapia. Loves pasta. Loves cereal. Loves soy butter sandwiches, fruit and veg of almost every variety. Loves vanilla greek yogurt but hates any type of flavored yogurt. Doesn't like Mexican food at all.

C- Loves milk and OJ. Won't drink other juices. Loves peanut butter. Loves chocolate chip cookies. Loves chili, lasagna, steak and pasta dishes.

D - Hates milk. Loves junk food of all kind. Loves Mexican food, Italian food and hates seafood of any type. Loves hummus, red peppers, subs and PB oatmeal no bake cookies. Baked potatoes are a particular favorite. Loves broccoli with cheese sauce and alfredo on anything. Loves mangoes, especially the ones from the Asian market.

E - loves shrimp and crab. Loves pizza, baked ziti but not lasagna. (I know, really??) Loves strawberries, figs, oranges, bananas, carrots, broccoli, and mangoes.

F - Loves crab legs. Hates tomato sauce.  Loves soy butter sandwiches. Loves steak, alfredo sauce and hates pizza. Loves carrots and cries when we have broccoli.

Questions, Questions, Questions

Lovely Sylvia asked me a series of questions a while ago and I thought I'd take today to answer them. I'd love it if you'd chime in with your own answers as well!

Which of your kids do you think look like you, which look like your husband, and/or which are even?

I am the WORST person to answer this question. I cannot see my kids in me or in my husband. It's like that part of me is dead. That said - I often hear that my oldest boy is the spitting image of my husband - they sound identical on the phone - but he behaves more like me. Emma, I've heard repeatedly, is the image and action of me all over again, and Riley looks like my husband, as does Mackenzie. We hear all the time that Gabe looks like my dad, and Allegra looks like me.

I'd love it if you'd chime in with your thoughts.

Also, which children act more like you versus the husband?

This is even more difficult. Mackenzie, I think, acts like me. We often belt out songs together and dance inapporpriately in public. She's also perpetually upbeat - like my husband. A couple of my kids are WAY moody - and that would be me. I dunno - this was a hard one!

How do you handle fighting between siblings?

With lots of yelling. I wish I was kidding - but it takes a while for me to get to that stage. Mostly I lose my patience with the endless bickering and the ugly treatment of the siblings - that I can't STAND. My kids will do chores if they annoy me, and we've had to do some heavy duty work on those who feel it's a great idea to call their sisters inappropriate and ugly names. My older kids have had their cars taken away, a couple of times I've taken Facebook and changed their password, and we've been known to do some work at Grandpa's for those that just can't seem to be nice.

Early bedtime works REALLY well too.

How do you discuss sex with the kids?

A funny - today, one of my kids asked me what an OBGIN was - all of the letters together, pronounced like it's spelled - OB (the word job with no J and then the beverage GIN at the end). When I finally figured out that the question referred to an OB-GYN - after I laughed, I explained. And we all laughed, and there were five of us in the car at the time. The point is, there's no real specific time. We talk about it when it comes up and as it's asked. I try to be as open and honest as I can.

And then I go in my room and freak out.

WHY, WHY, WHY ARE KIDS SO MEAN? Because the sky is blue and elephants are big and the sun is shiny. Seriously - I have NO idea. I think it gives them a feeling of power over another person - it's the small, petty part of all of us that likes to feel superior.

What can you add?

Question from a Reader

I've known Scott a long time. In fact, we went to high school together - and he still talks to me, which either says a lot about his ability to forgive or maybe he was just drunk all through school and he's forgotten me.

In any case, he asked me to post a question and I'm happy to do so. Remember, if you've got a question - either for me to answer or something you want to ask my readers - I'm happy to do so - either send me an email of leave the question on the Mom to the Screaming Masses Facebook page.

You DO like that page, right???

Anywho, Scott's query:

Topic for discussion: why aren't dads in the PTA? I've noticed a glaring lack of dads at PTA meetings and particularly on the executive committee...which prompted me to volunteer to be the president elect....and president next year. I don't want my kids to think that their education is only mom's job and that only moms are interested/concerned about their future. It takes a village and that village should include the males too, so why are we underrepresented? Perhaps the answer lies in recent articles on why women can't have it all? We're wired differently, yet this generation's men have come quite a way from our fathers... Thoughts?

My (short) answer:

In my experience, it's due to long work hours, plus the fact that their dads didn't do it, and so they have no role models. I mean, really, did your dad do a lot? What I'd love to explore is why society doesn't expect much from men in terms of their kids - no one bats an eye when a woman takes her kids to school, but they fall all over themselves when a man does.

I welcome your thoughts and ideas.

Questions with Answers

This weekend, I'm going to do something a little different. I'm going to photoblog my weekend with lots of posts - using my phone, I'll post a couple of pics a day that tell what we are doing.

It's either going to be fun or boring. I can't tell which.

I received a comment last week that needed an answer, but the commenter didn't leave an email. If this was your comment, I'm going to answer here - but PLEASE leave me your email next time. If you don't want it public, I'll delete your comment as soon as it posts - I'm insanely online almost all the darn time anyway - but it'd be nice to be able to email you your answers.

This goes for any of you - if you want to send me a private email, the link is on the sidebar, but I can always delete your comment if you so desire.

:)

I have to ask, how did you get involved with being an Arimathean? Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that people as selfless as yourself are there to help the people left behind when someone passes. But what drew you to it? I've had numerous close friends and family die in the last few years and I don't think I could do it myself. I guess I'm selfish in that I'm more concerned with living as full a life as possible to constantly stop and think about my own mortality. 

As in anything, the answer is both clear and easy as well as muddy and uncertain.