Mom to the Screaming Masses

Inquisitive Minds Ask Tough Questions

One of my boys asks a lot of questions. A LOT of questions. Often he spread them out and asks them of other people - his siblings, his dad, his friends and teachers. I don't mind answering questions - truly, I don't, for how else will he learn? But, sometimes, my patience is shattered. Let's take a typical afternoon exchange, as I drive him to his Muay Thai class.

What Better Way to Spend My Time?

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I woke up this morning with, no exaggeration, about 270 things on my list "to do". So, of course, after I dropped the kids off at school, I got busy.

No, tell the truth, Carmen.

Ok, I took a nap.

And then I did something that was definitely not on that list of things "to do" - I wrote our Christmas letter.

So, I wanna know two things. No, wait, three.

The Ultimate Playlist

I'm thinking about my upcoming 40th birthday party, while I'm holding down the fort with my trusty selection of Tylenol, Motrin, tissues and the thermometer. Oh, yeah, baybee - we are still sick like pigs over here.

I want to create a playlist of music to run while the party is ongoing. If you had to pick just one song, to create the best selection of music EVER - what would you choose?

I'm going first. I choose Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne. OR If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly. Tough choice.

What would you pick?

Tomorrow I Will:

...not wake up at the butt crack of dawn, thanks to no school for five of my kids

...send 4 of my kids off for two fun filled days with my mother

...go back to bed for a nap

...eat a healthy breakfast AND lunch prepared by someone else - I'm sampling foods by DietToGo for the next two weeks - go me, no cooking for myself

...take my son to the doctor for a third visit to see if we can determine why he's lost so much weight - we've ruled out just about everything and he's still losing and exhausted

...maybe go to a movie

...at least go to the mall and buy some new blush to replace the blush that disappeared a month ago

...revel in the fact that I no longer look pale and wiped out - maybe people will stop asking if I'm sick

...not be upset that I can't afford the iPhone that my contract will finally allow.

...try to avoid visiting the phone store. Fail miserably. Again.

...try to wash all the bed sheets

...clean out two bedrooms while there is no one at home to see how much C-R-A-P I am getting rid of

...make cookies. Or maybe these cupcakes.

...not worry about how to pay all of the bills that threaten to envelop me

...go to an awesome party and not have to worry about driving home, thanks to my very good friend who agreed to be my designated driver

...Enjoy the very heck out of a day that I've anticipated for weeks and weeks

If You Give a Blogger an Empty "Compose Post" Screen

She'll sit and stare at it for five minutes.

She'll try to think of something funny from the day before. She'll fail.

She'll try to think of something profound. She'll fail.

She'll check her stats and referrals to see if there's a good story.

Seeing the stats will depress her, and there's nothing in the referrals that's juicy.

So she'll get up from the computer. To get a cup of coffee.

On the way there, she will trip over five pairs of shoes. So she'll yell.

Guess What I Did?

Tell me what this picture signifies. Tell me what I did with six hours of my life that I will NEVER EVER get back.

Make Up Your Mind Already, Muriel

One of the "things" about me, the quirks I have, is the ability to make up my mind in an instant.  A split second, if you will.  My husband is the exact opposite.  I get SO annoyed when we go together to buy cards.  He reads CARD after CARD after CARD, and I just want to GO already.  I look at two, pick one, and I'm gone. It's not that I don't care - because I do, very deeply.  I just get very annoyed with the process that it takes to make up your mind. I'm decisive - I know what I want and when I want it.  It is usually a pretty good thing - until it's not.  Occasionally, I've made up my mind too fast and suffered the consequences of my speedy thinking.  Most often, though, I find that my first choice is usually the best one and I rarely second guess myself.

This decision is different.  I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice with regards to the kids and their schools for next year that I almost feel paralyzed with indecision. I've consulted various people, talked my mouth off, looked online and basically, done most of the research that any one person could hope to do. I'm afraid, though, that no matter what I choose, it will be the wrong choice.  I'm afraid that I'm doing my kids a disservice.  I'm afraid that I'm failing them by not being able to provide the schooling choice that we've made since forever, but wondering not so secretly aloud if the choice I made so long ago is still the best one.  I feel extremely guilty that I even have to entertain the thought of taking them out of Catholic school and that I've been somehow unwise with my money, when it is the reality of a shitty economy. Sure, if I didn't have an enormous mortgage I might now be facing this decision, but I still might. As if I'm a failure, as if people will talk.  Well, sure, and hell's bells we ALL know people will talk. People always have something to say - but it's not like I've been irresponsible with my money and blown it all on twinkies and gin and betting on ponies.  (Well,technically it was Ho-Ho's and vodka and playing the lottery - but let's keep that between us, shall we?  Thanx.)

So I'm taking my time.  Looking at every possible situation from every possible angle, creating elaborate pro and con lists for each and every choice.  I do not want to rush this decision - but I'm getting to the point where I'm beginning to go just a tiny bit mad with the continued internal debate. Every morning when I wake up, it's the first thing on my mind.  For that matter, it's what comes to mind when I wake up in the small hours of the night as well.  I've created elaborate pro/con charts and add to them - and erase from them - at least once every day.  No matter who I talk to, everyone has a definite answer.  They should go public, says one corner.  No, no, keep them private cries the other.

In my gut, I really want to keep them private.  But mostly I think that's for my own convenience.  We've been there 12 years, and with a few exceptions, I love every teacher in the school - since many of them read here, rest assured that it's not YOU - it's a different teacher.  Maybe the one you don't like as well. There's no denying that staying where we are has deep benefits to me - everyone knows about the food allergies, the migraines, the SPD, the lack of vocalization, the everything.  I can literally drop off and not look back.

I have to say that I've been very very impressed by the public schools.  I've been all over the elementary in particular and every question, every dilemma has been answered with patience and quiet respect for me and my frightening inability to make.a.decision.already, woman.  I've talked with neighbors who love the schools and learned some really, really good things that calmed my nerves.  PLUS - I realized that a reader here lives literally within a mile AND has a little girl the same age as my Emma - and I've picked her brain and the result was great indeed.  As hard as I try, I can find NOTHING wrong. Except for the amount of work that I'd need to do, the trouble with one child in particular changing schools, and the fact that two kids would, in essence, be repeating a year.  And, once again, it's all about me.

It's almost turned into me vs. my hubby, who is a clear and honest advocate for public.  To give him his due, when we did bills this month, we decided that the end result, the figure left over after we paid everything, would tell us if we could afford to re enroll.  When that figure was way, way, WAY different - he volunteered to get a job at night, stocking shelves.  After he worked a full  14 hour day.  No way in hell.  And we all know that I just about had a nervous breakdown last year, after working out of the home for three years. 

I've got to make a decision, both for my kids sake and for my own.  I have to know where they will be next year so that I can begin to get my mind straight, for if I don't, my mind is going to leave me.  Or my husband might.  And I think I'm almost settled, but still, my brain cries out, What if?

$$$

There are lots of things that I buy.  Well, duh.  What a sentence, eh? But with the economy sinking like a body with brick lined underwear, I've had to reevaluate the purchases I make - some of the things that I buy, or have bought in the past, really aren't worth the expense.  Things that I thought I needed - lavender scented fabric softener springs to mind - I find that I don't miss at all. 

Some of those things are really worth the cash. My Swiffer wet jet, a good razor, having my hair colored by a professional, any electronic made by Sony. My iPod, my BlackBerry - both are used by me daily and while spendy, I've gotten my money worth over and over.

But, there are some things that have been just a waste of money.  The Dyson yellow vacuum, the Hoover floor mate,Starbucks coffee - three years ago I never would have said that, as I was a two-a-day drinker, but now the coffee I make is so.much.better.  I'm sure that there are other things, but I've sat here in front of the computer screen for ten minutes trying to think.

Help a girl out - what have you bought that was the biggest waste of money, and what do you currently buy that is worth just about all the money in China?

Where'd You Go?

Queried a reader.

I know. It was only a couple of days.  Three, I think.  But I've always tried to blog daily, to have new content here, to keep things fresh and exciting - or at least, uh, interesting and give you a new way to feel superior to me.  I just couldn't the last two nights.  There was nothing there.

Lately I struggle with exactly what to write.  What to say.

A couple of you asked questions along the same lines - Angela in Ohio put it best when she asked - Will you still blog when your kids have all left the nest? What will you write about?  I dunno.  I like to think so, like to think that my ability to tell stories and engage readers will stay with me long after my kids leave.  I'm finding that I can't blog as much about the kids as they get older - the arguments between them and between them and me become deeper, more personal, and in some cases, more heartbreaking.   The stories that they have are not my own - they are the property of my kids.  Not to mention, tales from high schoolers aren't nearly are scintillating as those from preschoolers, when innocence is still worn as a badge of honor and color is something you do every day at the table. You NEVER get a call from a police officer when you have just littles at home - or, at least, I never did. This new reality is a bitch slap up the head I might could do without once in a while.

A Pocket(book) Full Of Sunshine

Yesterday, my daughter dumped an entire 20 ounce glass of water in my purse.  Which meant that I needed to do the MOST dreaded of activities - the CLEAN OUT of said purse.

Duh-duh-duh.

So while I was in there, tossing receipts and cleaning out the (now very moist) food crumbs, I thought about what types of things every woman should carry in her purse.  And I asked my oldest daughter what she thought was a necessity.  Her list, and mine, were widely divergent.

She listed, among other things, extra shorts. A book. A pen and a pad of paper.  A camera.  Protein bars or another snack. Medications, gum, mints and a phone with address book.  I'm thinking that her purse is MUCH bigger than mine, and mine is pretty big.

Must haves for me include a pencil case that contains pens, pencils and frequent shoppers/punch cards, another pencil case with gums, Rolaids, dental floss and mints, a third case with epi pens and inhalers.  A pocket holds lipsticks and lip gloss and another pocket is home to hand sanitizer.  I have a couple of Chico Bags, a therapy brush, two small notebooks and my checkbook.

I told my girls to always have feminine items, a couple of spare dollars, a pen, a cell phone, mints, hand sanitizer and gum.  Those, to me, would be the must haves.  What say you?