Mom to the Screaming Masses

Kids, Twitter and Their Online Reputation

Because I am online all the time, and because I am what's classified as "an early adopter", I know my way around Twitter, Facebook and the like. My kids friends, who are new to discovering Twitter especially, can't believe that I have more than 2,000 Twitter followers - which in my line of work is a small following.

It gives me a tiny bit of street cred, if you will.

I've spoken to my kids about Internet privacy. I've told them that everything they have put on the Internet is there forever, and you never have any idea who's watching, screenshoting, forwarding and the like.

Like, say, the day that you tweet about your AP psych project. And you forget that your teacher - and your mom - both follow you on Twitter.

AND Instagram.

When Your Vocabulary Outpaces Your Comprehension

That word, it does not mean what you think it means...

I have great kids. They are funny, smart, mostly well behaved, and they read like crazy. Anytime we go out, my kids have books with them, and I almost always get comments from others about their love of reading. I encourage the reading - I let them read in bed up to an hour before lights out, and I (hardly ever) say no new books.

All of this reading does great things for their vocabulary.

Sometimes, though it backfires. Take today as an example.

I stopped at 7-11 this morning to get some breath mints, and when I came back into the car, my children were – big surprise – arguing. My kids argue as if it's their life's mission, their reason for breathing, to validate that their existence on the face of this earth is not all in vain.

In short - they argue over everything.

"Mom, tell her I'm right! Tell her she doesn't know what she's talking about!"

Well, I don't even know what you are talking about, so how can I tell her that you're right?

Shoplifters will be prosecuted. That's what the sign said. I told her it means you'll be killed if you steal stuff."

No, I'm pretty sure you mean executed. That's the word you were thinking of.

"Yes, like Lincoln was executed."

I am pretty sure you mean assassinated.

"Well, it all ends the same way. With a dead person. So don't steal."

Because I'm All About the Honesty 'Round Here

Yesterday I was driving around with my middle girl. She's a new high schooler, and, as she's been in private school, she's a bit more sheltered than my other kids.

I LIKE this. I'm HAPPY with it. I'm not looking forward to the streetwise attitude that I know is on the way.

We sat at a stop light and I rolled the windows down.

(Psst - rolled the windows down? How OLD am I??? NO ONE rolls the windows down any more. You put them down by pushing a button.)

SIGH.

Ok, so the windows were down, and my girl took a giant sniff of fresh air - made more so by the rain that had just fallen. She crinkled her nose and looked at me. "What's that smell?"

I took a deep breath. What was that - oh, whoa. I haven't smelled that in years. Took another deep breath. Yup, clearly and definitely remember that smell from the back of the stadium, the illicit parties that were thrown when parents weren't around, and under the bleachers at the football games.

Stalling for time, I said, (breathing deeply once again), "You've never smelled that? That - deep breath again - is not a known substance to you?"  She looked at me with astonishment. "No. It smells gross. What is it?"

I took another deep breath, just to be certain, and the light turned green. I halfway - ok, more than halfway - contemplated making a U turn and going back to sit at the stop light, but honesty - and yet another deep breath - compelled me to share with her what the smell was.

"It's pot. Someone is smoking pot," I explained.

"Oh, that's gross! That smells so bad! I'm NEVER EVER smoking that!" she loudly swore.

And I wondered if I could get that in writing. And if I'd get a ticket for an illegal U-turn. And thanked God that she didn't ask me anything I really didn't want to answer at that moment.

The Youngest Among Us are More Tech Savvy than We Think

Last call on the post below - tomorrow I am going to start working on back to school lunches. If you've got an area of concern, please leave it in the comments.

And answer the survey! I really like to know who is reading and the ages of your kids.

Please and thank you.

My 15 year old daughter is the biggest user of Pinterest I've ever seen. She's on Pinterest on her iTouch all day long.

She's constantly telling me to "try this!" or "I know how to fix that!" - that in this case being the odor in the washing machine and the fact that the dishwasher has just decided that it would rather USE the water than CLEAN the dishes.

I know.

I often ask too much of my appliances. It's an area of struggle for me.

Today's "I saw it on Pinterest, Mom!" takes the cake. She was at a babysitting job, and the little girl began to throw up. She called me for advice, as I would probably assume that she might do - but when I started to talk to her about the way she'd need to clean it up - she interrupted me.

"I've already looked on Pinterest, Mom. I know how to clean it up."

She LOOKED ON PINTEREST TO FIND OUT HOW TO CLEAN UP PUKE.

I am no longer vital to her life.

SOB.

Summer Means Creativity

When you are home for the summer and kinda bored, you might create a store. You might call it:

The We Have Everything Store

Which truly does, you know, sell everything.

you can buy anything you might desire - and there's even a cup for donations, should you be so inclined

Very Expensive "You Can Decorate Them Dolls" are available

And, sometimes, you might have to close the store - maybe because you are bored and have no customers. Even though you've badgered each and every member of your family to buy your stuff, and you guilt them into hunting for change with your sighs of sorrow while you remain devotedly at your post for hours a day. Sometimes there are even tears involved. Maybe even by the Mom.

Actual sign at the store

The Worker of the Week Award - Personalized, Even

And, if you are very lucky, you get awarded the worker of the year award.

But only after you sign your contract.

 

Wisdom From a Shorty

It took me a long time to write this, and an even longer time to get the nerve to pull the :publish: trigger.

One of my kids has low self esteem.

One of my kids has self esteem in spades.

It's crazy. I didn't do a single thing different when raising either one. It's true that it's a crapshoot.

This particular child I will refer to as Child X. Many, many people who know our family in real life read this here ol'blog, and those many people who read this blog and know my family in real life don't especially need to look at child X with any other lenses. So, it may read kinda choppy for a little bit, but the goal of this post is to pass on wisdom, not to change how anyone looks at Child X.

Got it?

Child X has this really crazy annoying habit. Child X wants everyone to like him/her, and so Child X will let virtually anyone treat him/her in any way that they see fit - because "He's just joking, Mom - he really doesn't mean to be so rude." Child X lets people cut him/her down, correct him/her, be rude - and sees nothing wrong with this. I want to be nice to her so that she'll be my friend.

I see PLENTY wrong with this.

Nanny McPhee's Snaggle Tooth

That's what we called her. That stupid top tooth hung in there, flapping in the wind, for more than TWO WEEKS. I have no idea how it stayed - it went against every possible law of gravity or whatever else one could call it. Finally, finally, I lied my way into I'm just going to wiggle it, of course I won't pull it, just let me touch it and see how loose it is...

and as soon as I could get a handle on it, out it came.

Two minutes of insane crying, and then the smile came out.

I just wonder when the teeth will follow.

Project 2/366

The note says, Dear Tooth BF (which means fairy, as if you didn't already know),

Thank you for coming. Love, Riley

The box was created with my husband - she wanted to make something special to hold this tooth - no, I do not know why - and so he came home on his lunch break and together, they made it. They cut down a small box, poked holes in the top, covered it in glitter glue and taped it shut. The holes are large enough to drop a tooth in and allow the tooth fairy to fly in, grab the tooth, and leave the money next to it.

And now you know.

 

All She Wants for Christmas

It's very tough being a 7 year old. This is the letter that's currently taped to my fireplace doors.

(translation: This year for Christmas I want a webkinz, a movie, a basketball, Santa I have a lot of stuff I don't need any other things actually just give me whatever you have and want to give me. (PS give me a sleeping elf cap PSS give me sleeping elf shoes PSSS I have an elf costume)

I've Officially Lost My &*#%@ Mind

After I picked up Thing 1 and Thing 2 from their after school choir practice, I decided to stop at the store. I needed to pick up several items that I needed for Thanksgiving day and, as I'm still under the weather, I didn't want to go home and then have to go back out. So we just decided that we'd stop quickly. it wasn't the best time for me to stop at the store, being that it's a) two days before a big holiday and b) it was about 4:30 - prime grocery store time.

The girls were excited to be out of school and full of vim and vigor, and I was - let's face it, tired and wiped out and still under the weather (yes, I'm on day 6) - and it was a constant refrain - "Come back here, you can't walk along the sides of the cart, no, you can't get cheese sticks/pirate booty/yogurt tubes - only what's on the list. Come back here!" I was tired when we made it to the self check out.

The Monkey

This is a true story about one of my kids. I'm not going to name said child, because I think, maybe, in the future, should a friend or not so much friend find this story - it could be an instance of teasing. But it was too funny not to share. HOWEVER - I don't need to get emails telling me that I'm a bad parent because this happened, or that my kids must lack supervision, or other nonsense. I've gotten my fill of judgement in a couple of anonymous comments left on old posts this week.

Over Spring Break, I took boxing class at lunch time. I brought two kids with me. While class was going on, those two kids ran across the mat to the bathroom. After about 10 minutes, I realized that they'd never come back, and so I excused myself and went looking for them. These two are liable to get into trouble together - there's a door to the outside and I halfway wondered if they'd managed to sneak outside.