So, yeah, let's talk about all of those things. How are they related? ARE they related?
I decided to take the Love Languages test - I'm not going to link to it, but there are thousands of them online. Just look. It just takes a few minutes, and if you know yourself at all, you'll pretty much know the answer before you even take the test.
I thought my answer might be Acts of Service/Gifts of Appreciation, and I was correct. Quality Time and Physical Touch are farther down on my list - and to be honest, the reality that Physical Touch was at the bottom makes me sound super awful to be around, like I'm some kind of anti human who hates to touch people. Which is totally not true - I'm just less about the touchy feel stuff than the other stuff.
Definition: Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
See, I'm the kind of person who does stuff for other people. I might make them cookies. I might pick up a beer for someone if I'm out and see his favorite kind. I might spend hours sorting through vintage shops to find one particular bowl that a relative needs to complete a collection, or I might do your dishes if I come over and you seem totally overwhelmed. I might order pizza for you if you had a baby or bring you dinner if your husband had surgery. I might make a special lunch and drive it you at work, even if you work 45 minutes away - just because I know you like the way I cook. I might grab a coffee for you if I'm on my way to see you, or bring a book I think you might enjoy. I might pick up a new notebook for you if I'm out, or copy a picture you admire at my house and give it to you.
I do for people, in other words. It's the way I'm the most comfortable showing my love for others.
But the really awkward thing is that, when you do that for others, and they don't do it back for you - it makes you feel really unappreciated. Like you are unimportant. Like no one cares. (I'm not talking about my spouse - he's gotten this aspect of me down pat and does lots of really great things, like make a cup of coffee or unload the dishwasher, etc.)
But when you do lots of things for lots of people, and they never do anything for you - it can cause a rift, internally - one that you only will feel, but it can start to make you feel less than necessary in other people's lives. Like you are unimportant. You don't matter. You keep putting out into the world and nothing comes back to you. Which, at the heart of everything, is super silly, and you know unimportant in the grand scheme of things, and you start to feel petty and stupid and accuse yourself of over thinking AGAIN and brings me to this pondering
and you are saying, Thank GOD she got to the point, 480 words later…..
Is it important to speak other people's Love Languages, even if they are foreign to you, to show how you feel about them? Or is more important to do things in your own Love Language - and to hell with it if the recipient can't speak your language?
More importantly - can you maintain a relationship with someone who not only does not speak your love language but is totally tone deaf to yours? Who won't ever see that you need to have certain expectations in the relationship (and a friendship IS a relationship, not everything has to have a romantic or sexual basis) met in order to feel important?
What is your Love Language? Does it mesh with those in your life, both platonic and romantic? Can you ever feel as if one person meets your needs?