The ELFF Diet

What's Up With You?

This week I did the following for exercise:

• Sunday I walked for 45 minutes.
• Monday - worked out with my trainer and did weight work and took capoeira
• Tuesday - nothing.  I was grumpy and irritable because what I planned didn't work with the back to school drama
• Wednesday - worked out with my trainer and did weight work.  I took a Muay Thai class and a capoeira class and pulled my piriformis muscle - in other words, I PULLED MY ASS muscle.
• Thursday I took a Muay Thai class.  And I grumbled and gimped my way through it, hobbling around and feeling like the biggest joke of all, because, really - who sprains their BUTT?

What exercise have you been doing this week?  Are you keeping on keeping on??

The Failure Edition

I feel like a failure.

I was afraid to go to Blogher this year.  Not because I was nervous to see people, or afraid to speak.

I was afraid because my weight is up. And I was afraid that people would talk, and people would criticize.

Fourteen weeks of wearing the boot, 6 weeks of physical therapy, followed by a miscarriage and then having to pick myself up and begin basically ALL OVER AGAIN - it's demotivating and demoralizing, not to mention the other D word - depressing.

I've been a success at weight loss, having lost 80 pounds, but it was really too much weight.  I have no idea how much I weigh right now - as in, too ashamed to get on the scale - but I know that last years jeans are really tight and in one case, unable to zip.  So, for the sake of kicks, let's say 20 pounds.

And I know how to get it off.  I just - don't want to. 

But I don't like my body right now, the muffin top that's reappeared, the gelatinous thighs, the bottom the size of South Africa.  I take muay thai or capoeira five days a week, but it's not enough cardio, and so I need to get back out there and pound the pavement.

I've got to.  For my own mental health, for my physical well being - because I'm not going back to where I was five years ago. I'm not.

I'm NOT.

This is me, picking myself up to try, try again. After all, what else can you do?