The ELFF Diet

So, I've got NADA

and am feeling completely uninspired over here. I feel like I've got no new information to share with you, no recipes or tricks or facts or new exercises.  I do have a DVD to review, but I actually have to DO the exercise before I can tell you about it.  At least I think that's the way it works.

I'm still taking capoeira and loving it. I started Muy Thai with a friend and get my ass handed to me twice weekly.  It helps that I work with her and can take out my aggressions.  (Just kidding!) I'm still walking and running at least four times a week - my mileage in June was over 73 miles, so that's pretty good.  A brief detour into eating Mexican for four days added some extra weight- about 5 pounds -  but I'm back down to 135.  Still eating salads and lots of veggies, fruits and lean protein. Still doing heavy weight training three times a week.  On week 3 of the push up challenge, having completed 30 pushups on the test. 

What would you like to see?  What have you been doing?  What is the new exercise/food/idea that you are dying to share with the class?

In which I channel a deep and introspective persona

I received a few personal emails, asking why I'm so freaked out about having surgery.  One, from a person who has known me for quite a while, chastised me.  You are making a mountain out of a molehill, said he.  Plenty of people the world over have surgery every day, for much more major stuff, some even in worse conditions, and they survive just fine.  Buck up, buttercup.  Quit whining and complaining and get back to your exercise.   I swear, you are so melodramatic. And stop it with the weight talk.

Swear to goodness.  Actual email from someone I know well.  Posted here with his permission. I've already addressed it with him - oh boy, have I - but I thought you all might want to hear it as well. 

So, here's my background.  My brother in law died when he had surgery.  A mom at my church, with kids my own kids ages, goes into the hospital for routine surgery - she'd had the same surgery a month or so before.  She has a reaction to the anesthesia, suffers brain damage, remains in a vegetative state for quite a while, and dies. I attend a fancy dinner this weekend, and sit with two people.  These people have in common the fact that their mothers are deceased.  Why?  Coincidentally, both died during surgery.  One for a hernia. 

I have had one surgery in my life, when I was 17.  That's it.  So, I haven't much base to go on, so pardon me if I freak out a bit, um'kay?

As far as the "weight" talk, well, huh.  Realistically, I know that it takes a long time to put on weight.  When I had a stress fracture over the summer, when I tore my IT band during the half marathon, when I broke my toe - all of those incapacitated me, and I was worried about gaining weight.  Each time, I did gain a bit, but I was able to lose it.  I know that will be the scenario again.  I just don't have a basis of surgical experience to go on - I do have an injury history and know how my body heals with that.  I absolutely agree that I need the rest - the foot with the badly healed stress fracture is achey again and I think it needs time to heal.

I want to thank those of you who took the time to reassure me.  I'm a big baby, I know, but feelings are feelings - I can't change them and I can't control them but by God I can blog about them.

Now, if I could figure out a way to get another tattoo and a bikini wax while under anesthesia, I'd be allllll set.

Survey says:

When I was at the Johnson and Johnson event a few weeks ago, I heard a very interesting fact - one that I would love to share with you, and see if you agree.

On a BabyCenter poll, 7,000 first time moms were asked about their experiences with baby weight.  Of the 7,000, more than half thought that they'd lose the so called "baby weight" within the first year.  At the end of two years, more than half of those first time moms still had weight to lose.

What was your "baby weight" experience?  If you don't fit this demographic, I'm sorry to subject you to this. 

I had no weight to lose my first pregnancy.  My second, about fifteen pounds - which I never lost.  My third I had growth retardation and so gained nothing.  My fourth - a plus 15 or so as well, and so on and so on.  I didn't lose it until my last child was two. I certainly fit this bill, and yet, with celebrities like J Lo and Nicole Ritchie returning to pre baby weight in six weeks, it's tough to struggle with this issue.  If you are, know that you aren't alone.

The score is Life 10, Carmen 0

The day started off so well.

I was off work, I got a pedicure, I went to lunch.  I knew that I needed to be at the class at 6.  Various times were given to me - Mapquest said 3.5 hours, my teacher said 2.5, my mother opined that it was at least 5. My oldest son was going with me and he had a big Honors World History test last bell, so I planned to pick him up at 2:30 - end of school - and we'd leave from there.

By the time we were on the road, it was 3.  We traveled until 5, when the traffic just.stopped.  We waited for 45 minutes, with me tapping my feet all the way.  I finally arrived at 6:45, and that's when the drama started.  I didn't have my uniform on, and so I needed to change.  I also had to pee.  I checked in and was sent to the bathroom - a line of people awaited.  My classmates all called to me, and I quickly ran upstairs to use the other bathroom - locked.  If I didn't have to pee so bad, I'd have just changed in public and called it a day. I had to run back down the stairs and get back to the (thankfully) open, dirty restroom.  150 people, mostly men - one toilet.  You do the math.

Nerves

My capoeira belt rank test is Saturday.  I have to drive four hours away to take it, take a workshop the day before, sleep over night, and then test with about 150 other people.  Or so.

I'm nervous.  I don't think I'll make rank.  And I really want to.

Any words of wisdom?

___________________

Yes, I know - I still owe answers to your questions.  As soon as I come up for air from the realities of my life, I PROMISE I'll Get It Done.

Why we feel the way we feel

No real answers, just questions that I invite you to respond to in your own way.  I don't agree with all of them, but I'm VERY interested in your responses.

Why do we, as women, despise our bodies so?  Or do we really, just following along with society?

Why do men find their bodies funny?  I mean, they laugh when they fart and nothing ever really horrifies them.

Why do we equate thinness with optimum?

Why do we punish ourselves with exorbitant amounts of exercise to make up for dietary indiscretions?

Why do we, as women, equate smaller pants size with larger self worth?

Breakthrough thoughts and much contemplation.

Discuss, if you will. 

True Confessions, once again

Gah, could I have picked more depressing categories in that little drop down menu? 

I'd like to thank you for all of your advice with regards to my last entry.  Part of my trouble has to do with what happened last week.  I didn't share it with you, because I'm still processing it and I'm not certain how I feel.  But I'm going to give it a whirl here.  Advice and input is always welcome - assvice is not. 

I haven't been sleeping well for a long time.  I've been taking melatonin, which helps, but I don't like to take it until I can get at good nights sleep, because I'm afraid to be unable to function the next day.  So I've been working on a sleep deficit.  Part of THAT stems from the fact that I wait to write until the kids are in bed and I get all my work done, which means I don't sit down until after 9 or in some cases 10.  Which means bed has been 11 or 12, and I'm up at 5:15.  Pair that with uneven sleep patterns and you can see where the trouble started.  That's the background.

Monday I got up and went to the gym,where I did some really heavy weight work.  I had capoeira at night and got to bed around midnight. Tuesday after work I went running, but I felt punky.  I wasn't able to run the entire way, but I compensated by walking longer than I'd planned - I went six miles instead of 4.  When I got home, I was wiped out, but in a good way.  When I woke Wednesday, I was exhausted. I wasn't able to pop up and felt wiped out - my legs felt like lead.  I usually feel tired, but by the time I'm halfway through the weight work, I am awake and peppy.

Not so Wednesday.  I was barely able to complete the reps and wondered, briefly, if I was coming down with something. Mostly, I felt a disconnect.  I was slow and just out of it all day.  When I got off work, I went home and slept for 30 minutes. After I picked up the kids, I slept for another hour. When I woke up, I felt like crap and just sat on the sofa. 

Ok, so, here's the thing

About writing a blog that deals with diet, exercise, healthy living and so on.

It gets pretty boring.

I mean, seriously, how many times do you all want to hear me say, "Well, today, I did heavy weight work with my trainer and went to capoeira class.  Make sure you are making healthy choices and eating well!"

This blog has been up for one year and I wonder sometimes if I should continue it.  Do you all really want to hear me whining and complaining about my weight?  I've reached the one year anniversary - almost - of losing 75 pounds, which was my original weight goal.  The total lost was 80, but I fluctuate between that 75 and 80 pound mark, depending upon if I've pooped and what time of the month it may be. 

I spent some time last week looking through my archives.  I have some really good advice in there, and I know that I've been helpful to some of you.  I know that there are more than a few readers who have made dramatic changes in their lives, just like I did, and feel so much better about themselves - and, for some reason, they attribute the changes to me, in some small part.

This week I realized that I am in danger of overdoing it.  I took myself to the point of exhaustion on Tuesday and Wednesday and really suffered for it - Wednesday I crashed and slept just about every minute of the day I had free. I've had a headache ever since and really feel lousy, so I've needed to step back a bit and recover.  And that was HARD.

Part of that struggle is my fear that if I take a day off, ever, I'll gain all of the weight and then some.  Realistically, I know that's not going to happen, but the fear is there.  This blog has been, in the past, my way of keeping myself motivated and honest.  I'd like it to continue that way.

I'm just not sure it is working.  You tell me - is it? Are you enjoying it, or has this site become a drag?  What would you like to see on here?

I'm still here

I know, I know.  It's been almost a week since I've been here.

I am starting to wonder if I have a bit of SAD.  This is the first year that I can remember - well, except for when I had PPD so badly I thought I'd slit my wrists - that I've felt so down.  I'm always cold, except when I'm at work, because it's hot there.  I feel tired and unmotivated, fat and ungainly.  A friend told me that I've lost my helpful layer of body fat - that's why I'm so cold.  Whatever it is, I need it to get warm and sunny here.  STAT.

I'm trying to plug away, though, day by day trying to make positive choices. The one day at a time type thing.  Some days, healthy choices are the easiest things in the world, and some days are HARD.  I've had a spate of difficult days lately and need to be remotivated.

Let's talk fruits and vegetables.  Specifically, in order of preference, list the following:

FRUIT - apples, blueberries, strawberries, bananas, watermelon,cherries, red grapes, oranges, pineapple, green grapes, grapefruit.

VEG - green beans, broccoli, tomatoes, peas, green salad, sweet potatoes, and what am I forgetting?

Those are listed in my order, with the following caveats.  Apples would be honeycrisp, watermelon must be in season and I HATE grapefruit.  I love fresh steamed broccoli and not frozen.  I have a brain spaz and can't remember other veggies, so add in what you like.

And PRAY for warm weather.  Do you think a tanning bed will serve the same purpose as light therapy?

How can a size 18/20 feel like a 2/4?

No one believes me, but I'm totally serious when I say that.

i may have dropped enough dress sizes to make up a new person, but I still feel exactly the same.  When people comment on my weight loss, I say "thank you", but inside, I wonder if there is someone behind me that they are addressing. 

One of the really strange things is that when I weighed almost 80 pounds more, I thought that I looked pretty good.   I held myself well, had good posture, and dressed well.  I may not have had much self confidence, but I apparently possessed a LARGE pair of blinders. Looking at pictures of myself, I could see that I was heavier, but I certainly didn't feel like a bigger person.  Well, except when someone who had always been heavier than me told me that it was great to see that I wasn't always going to be the thin one.  Then, and when my daughter's classmates made fun of me - those were the times I felt big.

Like Mel, I often have the wildy inappropriate urge to ask people, "Hey, what size are those pants?"  I actually did this at work one day, to my extremely thin coworker - only to be shocked almost to death to find that we wear the same size.  I was stunned, she wasn't.  She said it was apparent to her.