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That comment you had to deal with angers me on so many levels. The idea that staying at home is a moral imperative rather than a career choice. The idea that a stay at home mom isn't also working. The idea that if your kid has a problem it's because the mom failed. The idea that not staying home causes the problems.

Any kid can have problems. In fact, those who stay at home with their kids and assume that by doing so their kids are guaranteed to be problem-free are in for a major shock, sooner or later.

As for your best not being good enough, I guess the question is "For whom?" Don't add to the pile-on by beating yourself up as well!

Hope things get better soon...


Saying that stay-at-home mom's kids shouldn't have any problems is just as screwy as saying that a working mom's kids have nothing but problems. If you didn't already know that this person doesn't have a strong enough filter, now you do. Always take that things s/he says with that understanding and administer your own filter. I pray for a better day tomorrow and a restful night's sleep for you tonight. Stay strong, Carmen! Don't let others bring you down.


Sigh. I hate those folks. But hey, I know you put your heart in everything.

Heather Jirka

Oh Carmen- I said these very same things to my husband two nights ago, (he's in Afghanistan). My children (4 of them- 17,16,15,&6) are pushing every button and then some.
They have worn me down. They ask for an inch and take 5 miles.
I need to scream.
I it gets better.


It's hard when people with no clue make judgments. Feel confident that you are doing what you know is best/right for your family.

Headless Mom

Did you tell them to come stay with your kids for a week? Suppose they'd have a different tune then?

xoxo....Margaritas in 3 weeks.


Personally i say tell that idiot to PISS OFF! But, that's just me. Tomorrow will be better. And eventually the judgemental will be judged. Hang in there!


WTF? What kind of screwy logic is this person using? What kind of problems are they implying your children have? I mean I read your blog regularly and the kids do not seem to be setting fire to things, terrorizing the neighborhood or being arrested. They sound like a nice, well rounded kids who enjoy each other and are all striving to be their best. The person we are referring to just defies rational reasoning. I mean , I think I am just tongue tied in frustration here. Sometimes people are just mean and stupid, you can't reason with it, you can't give it any room to set up shop in your psyche or heart bc they are wrong. Hang in there girly- hit the beach tomorrow with your gang of good kids. It will make you feel whole again. xxxooo


Time to call suh kurr uh dee...
& call it like Bon Qui Qui:

Wow, I know you're feeling beat up but that comment doesn't even deserve a reply. ASSinine to say the least!

So if we guessed that this person had
1.no kids
2.no children over age 2
3.teens that shared nothing going on in their lives...
4.fully grown kids with no real relationship

would any of those be right? lol

A Simple Twist of Faith

What in the world??? Won't it be great if people stopped judging each other, and started loving each other just a little.

Frankly, I do not know how you do it with six kids. You deserve a medal.


That's like saying that if a person goes to work every day there won't be any problems at their job. Brother. Eat some chocolate (if the kids left you any) and go to bed. (does this person you mentioned have kids of their own? just wondering!)


That's like the lovely acquaintance who started giving me parenting advice the other day. I had had enough and responded "Oh, is that how you raise your children?" to which he sputtered "You know we don't have any kids!" and I replied "Exactly." Of course he is also one half of the delightful couple who asked if we would ever have real kids because obviously our daughters, being adopted, are fakes.

Just like a marriage, no one has any idea what happens within a family. I'm not a stay at home mom to stop any fires from ever happening. I'm a stay at home mom so that when the fires start, I can deal with them before they burn down the entire house.

Caren Story

Carmen, I'm so sorry life is rough right now. I cant believe that person would assume something like that. Dont listen to them; they obviously dont know what they're talking about. I am praying for you. Take it a day at a time. I hope you are able to rest.


Ummm....did that person have kids?Or live in a vacuum? I mean honestly, even when I didn't have a child, I wasn't that stupid or clueless.

Life is Life, there will always be problems (whether kid related or not) of some sort, both big & small, at home or at work. I personally would LOVE to know how "to avoid all the problems" and "to make sure that things went well for everyone". I certainly don't control the universe, much less other people. Man, if I did things would be different! LOL

I know you are having a rough time this summer. Remember when you walk through the valley, there is a mountain top experience waiting for you on the other side. The Lord has a reason for using His refining fire on you right now. I just wish He'd let you know why but it will become clear at some point.


I admire your restraint in not punching them in the throat or kicking them in the knee. Hmph, stupid people who feel it is okay to just drop these lovely little bombs in your life and then walk away. We all have your back, especially those of us who are similarly blessed with children with issues. I know you are having a rough time, but you are doing a great job whether you realize it or not. Hang in there. :)


I'm pretty sure I would have slapped that person upside the head, Carmen.

Hope today is a better day for you.


Ugh.. followed by hugs if I was there at least! No one knows your life or kids like you do. NO ONE.


"Wasn't the point of staying home with my kids, this person said, to avoid all of the problems?"

This comment made me laugh aloud! Clearly this person does not have children or if they do they worked outside the home and their children are 'problematic.' They do not have a blessed clue. May God have mercy on their shortsightedness.

And for what it is worth, I would suggest you ditch the 'close to' you person and find those who are supportive not ones who tear down.


I completely agree with Elizabeth. Life is full of problems, for everyone!!!
If staying home meant the kids wouldn't have problems, wouldn't we all stay home?
And, kids NEED problems! If they grow up with us solving all their problems, how will they learn to solve them as adults? And how would they learn that some problems can't be solved? Some problems need to be coped with and lived through. I believe that life is finding joy in the midst of problems.
Carmen, I hope you are finding some joy in the midst of the problems you are dealing with. Take care


The person who made that comment should step back and realize how hurtful and thoughtless their comment(s) were.
Why is it if we choose to stay home with our children we're either lazy or we need to be like Martha Stewart with everything perfect?

I can commiserate on the surrounded by selfish. Usually. Yesterday my oldest did something nice for me and I was in shock. Of course an hour later she was back to her normal. *g*

Hugs Carmen.

Jenn E

The stupidity of humanity. This annoys me.

I'll hold them. You cut them. Then we'll switch.



I worked full-time and went to graduate school full-time (at the same time) with my first child. Then, my second child had major medical issues from the point of conception, and I had no choice other than to stay at home. Compounding matters, no matter what I did, he was "failure to thrive" for several years (severe reflux, feeding and swallowing issues, etc.). Friends accused me of Munchaussen-by-proxy, doctors attempted to force me to stop breastfeeding altogether, and it felt like every aspect of my life became an attack on me, because, obviously, I was doing everything wrong. Making matters worse were the comments, sometimes from my MIL, about how shameful it was that I wasn't working after all of that education -- and comments that I might as well work, because maybe he'd do better (grow better) if someone else had to feed him, etc. My son's five now, and I can see how healthy and strong he is because I believed in him, and in our partnership, more than I believed the detractors -- and I know that, fundamentally, I couldn't have trusted anyone else with his care. Anyone else would have killed him from all of the screaming! You know that you're doing a great job, Carmen. Don't listen to the rude; they are weak detractors and could never do what you do. Most importantly, your kids know that. No one else matters.

No kids but a brain and some special needs empathy

Cutting some one gets you arrested, but you can't be arrested for giving The Finger.


Well, whatever you do today, make it look like an accident, lol.

And let's call whatever our children face "issues" and not problems. We all have issues; things we would like to change about ourselves, and given the chance would erase from our lives. Like my need to instantly yell when things run amuck in my household.

But I am just so pleased that you have talked to this person who felt that by staying home, your family should have no issues. The secret to it all! If only I had known all this time! All through the generations, this would improve the lives of families everywhere. All of those itty bitty things about my children that I would like to change would just vanish if I had only stayed home with them instead of putting food on the table.

Does this person hear what she/he says at all? Clearly not.


Life is full of problems, staying at home doesn't fix or prevent problems, it just means you're there to acknowledge them a bit sooner,sometimes, if you aren't living in Denial.Some people NEVER get what's going on in their kids lives no matter where they or their kids are. That happens with everyone. I think I must have missed the show. here. LOL Sorry I was off "actively parenting" for a change. My bonbons even melted. LOL

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About Me

  • Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution who rarely sleeps and loves coffee and happens to have six outstanding awesome, incredibly loud and opinionated kids who are always right no matter what. Her passions include Zumba, hiking, photography, homeless ministry, reading, cooking, and spending time at the beach as often as possible. She's a college student studying to be a social worker who works as a Barista. State of mind? Tired, y'all.