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Xenia Katie

Wow, thanks Mary! Motherhood is definitely "death to self"-- it takes all of us, and all of God! May He be glorified in all that we do and offer. Nice to "meet" you, I'm a big Carmen fan, too :)

Headless Mom

So much to say about this...but I'll just say BRAVO!!!!!


Well posted! :)

ramblin red

Similar personality and similar experiences as I quit working outside the home 2 yrs ago. Good for you ;)

Lylah @WriteEditRepeat

I love this post, but I do disagree with one thing: I wouldn't describe motherhood as "death to self."

Reinvention of self? Sure. Re-prioritizing of self? Absolutely. But death? It may feel like that when you're in the hands-on, super-dependent stage of early parenthood. But if you sacrifice every aspect of yourself to someone else -- and that's what "death" of self connotates to me -- then you have nothing left when your kids get older and are out of the nest. You're shattered when they take you off that pedestal that you've been on for the first decade or so of their lives, when you go from being the one who can fix everything to being the one who can do nothing right (even if their "terrible teens" are mild, it happens).

Motherhood can still fit in with your ambitious goals and need for recognition. The awards aren't as obvious as those stamped on a diploma or given as a trophy, but they're there. It just takes a lot longer for them to arrive.

You decided to stay home because that's what you feel is best for your family. That's not death. That's a career change. Enjoy it. (From what you've written, it seems like you've already found parts of your "new career" that make it feel very, very worthwhile.)

Ann W.

Bravo is the first word that comes to my mind too...there is no getting this time back and you are reaping great rewards from some personal sacrifice...again, Bravo!

Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith

Thank you for all your kind words. To answer Lylah, I spent the first 40 years of my life being rather selfish, so a little "death to self" is frankly good for my soul. I do consider this my new career. It is the most challenging and satisfying one so thus far, and I have had many.


We had two little girls come home to us through family adoption, effectively turning my cushy stay at home wife/student life in to full blown mommyhood with two very needy children. I appreciate that you wrote this. Most people don't understand why I stay home, why my kids are home with me instead of in preschool, and why we are as affectionate and intentional in our parenting as we NEED to be for our daughters.

Most often, the best answer isn't the popular one. Kudos to you for following the needs of your daughters.

Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith

Thank you for your comment. It sounds like we are traveling a similar path.


Well said. My kids are now 21 and 18 and I did the same thing and can tell you it was well worth it. At first I missed the recognition--no one ever said "Good diaper change, Fern!" I always missed the money. We made a lot of changes and "sacrifices." I hesitate to say sacrifice because really I was just trading stuff for time with my children and to be the one that raised them. Children are always more important than stuff, or vacations, or ease. As they got older I went back to work gradually--part time and then full time--always close to home. It really is worth it.

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About Me

  • Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution who rarely sleeps and loves coffee and happens to have six outstanding awesome kids. A concentration of asthma, food allergies, spectrum disorders and learning disabilities means that she has learned more than she ever thought possible and knows less than she ever could imagine. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boxing (she has her Black Belt in Muay Thai), rowing, sleeping, exploring coffee shops, homeless ministry, photography, and cooking.