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IF you can find them, then yes true adult friendships are worth it.


At this point, I don't even try to make "couple" friends and just make my own friends. My husband is more introverted than I am and while I often like his friends okay they just don't have the oomph to organize and/or follow through on things, and I like to have a couple of things a month to go and do. I also don't usually have that one close friend I've dreamed of where we'd help each other out and always be a listening ear, etc. but I always have a group of friends who will go out with me during my birthday month, go for lunch to talk about our kids, or go to a movie the husbands don't want to see. I do still sometimes have hurt feelings, like when one of them is in the hospital and another is visiting her there and then helping her out at home for a while - and I don't hear about it until lunch a month later and feel weirdly left out that I didn't get to visit or help. My adult friends are also more likely to move away and not keep in touch (I'm still in touch with my high school friends). It's funny, I have one of those "group" friends who has been going out to lunch with me every couple of months for about 15 years, and we are just now starting to do things just the two of us, and it feels like it has been the slowest blossoming friendship ever.

-Another Elizabeth, lol


For me, adult friendships are most definitely worth it and wonderful, but the area where I fail is if I expect a particular friendship to provide everything for me.

(And I'm not saying that because I think that's what *you* do. I'm just saying that's what trips me up.)

When I'm not all THAT needy, when I need to be able to shoot the shit for a while, and talk about some stupid TV show that we both like, and maybe meander through some emotionally significant stuff for both of us, then it's all awesome.

(And of course shooting the shit and talking about TV can be really good things, emotionally. I don't mean that one always has to talk about deep serious things to have one's emotional needs met.)

It's when I'm feeling really shitty and a friend isn't available. Or I make a sort of hint about not feeling great and the friend doesn't catch my hint (for whatever extremely legit reason of their own) and then I feel too pushy if I try again. Or if I find out that they have been feeling awful and haven't told me (for whatever extremely legit reason of their own). Sometimes during things like that, when I really need the contact to be perfect, that's when it can really hurt and be hard. Even though I am very aware that the other person has their own reasons for things, same as I do, and I'm genuinely not upset *at* them.

If I'm just sort of bumbling along okay with the occasional blip, and need some time now and then with a friend, then things are good. And incredibly meaningful and important, even if we don't talk about deeper stuff all the time.


Frankly, adult friendship can be about proximity too. In the past two years, My family moved churches because I had the oppporunity to go from a volunteeer position to a paid position. This has been wonderful, however I miss my friendships at my old church, for lack of a better word. I LOVE my new job. In addition, I went back to school for my Masters in Theology. So with the new job, the new church, the new school schedule and now my girls going to school, I rarely have time for friendship. Fortunately, I have 2 very good friends I am in contact with daily. One lives down the street, one lives 3,000 miles away. Usually, it's just a stream of texts, but it's ok they understand, they are busy Moms too.

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  • Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution who rarely sleeps and loves coffee and happens to have six outstanding awesome kids. A concentration of asthma, food allergies, spectrum disorders and learning disabilities means that she has learned more than she ever thought possible and knows less than she ever could imagine. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boxing (she has her Black Belt in Muay Thai), rowing, sleeping, exploring coffee shops, homeless ministry, photography, and cooking.