So, Yeah.
I started school. I'm taking two classes. I love one and am doing really well in it. I tolerate one and am not doing well in it, but I am not the only one, and my advisor says just hang in there - everyone struggles with this one, and I am halfway through. Silver linings, and all that jazz.
I'm working something like 35 hours a week. Six months in, I might (finally) be getting the hang of it. I'm a slow learner. I think people might tolerate me there.
My kids have been gone for close to two weeks. (I super needed it for my mental health. It's been a tiny bit precarious over here lately. But things are getting back to normal. A therapist check in, getting back on track with my contract with myself, and doing the things I'm supposed to do - I KNOW! - is the super secret, sigh. I'm a slow learner.)
School at almost 50 is weird. I took my math placement test, and I knew virtually none of it. I remember when I mentioned to a family member, many years ago, that I thought about going back to school and taking math, and he scoffed at me. "You? Math?" and he made a face and shook his head. It made me feel like shit and still does, when I think about it. I HATE it when people do crap like that. Why do that? Why make other people feel like they can't succeed before they even start? I already know that math is not my strength. I didn't score well on the placement, which is fine. I was offered an opportunity to retake the test, and I didn't do it, because I don't want to do better on it. I'd rather start at the bottom. I suck at math, I haven't done math since my junior year of high school, which was 1986, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I stopped at Algebra 2. So there.
I took my English placement test and that was a writing sample. It was very easy, and I have no idea how I did. I've heard that the English classes are tough, and I had a nightmare that I was placed in English 511 and I panicked. So, my brain is weird.
Speaking of dreams, I am 436 days sober, and I had a dream three nights ago that I had a bourbon. I could smell it in my dream. I could taste it, feel it going down my throat, and when I woke up, I could still smell it and taste it. It was the weirdest thing. I don't have any desire during the day, but I had talked sobriety with someone that day - he was THIRTY YEARS SOBER, OMG - and I guess my brain did some weird stuff. I still think about it. Last night, I had a dream I was sitting on a bar opening a bottle of bourbon, talking with a new friend.
My brain is whack.
Anyone listen to Lizzo? Love her. I am also a Toddrick fan lately.
I have been spending a lot of time at the beach. I don't sleep much so I've been getting up early and heading to the beach some days early to study.
When I say I don't sleep much, I mean that I wake up like three or four times a night for 20-40 minutes at a time. Like I said, my brain is whack. Thank goodness for meditation.
Oh, here's something I've been working on with my favorite Zumba instructor. :) I did this video mostly because of this post.
I'm learning an awful lot about people lately. Not all of it is good, but all of it is a learning lesson, and learning is good, right?
What's new with you?
