Sometimes, no matter how hard you try
no matter how much you work at it
some people just cannot see you for who you are now.
They are determined to see you for the person you used to be. The person you were many years ago, wearing the skin that no longer fits. The one that became too tight, the skin that split and so you shrugged it off and discarded it and grew a new one
maybe a thicker one
maybe a more shiny one
or, maybe, your new skin is a bit more dull and you blend in to your surroundings just a tad bit more than you used to, but this doesn't make you invisible and unobtrusive
On the contrary.
Quite possibly, it means that you are sitting back and observing and noticing things about people that you never took the time to notice before. Especially in a time of political unrest when you begin to see people for who they are. When you see how they feel about issues that are important to you
So, you have decisions to make. Do you stay true to yourself, knowing that it might make others uncomfortable or do you once again make yourself uncomfortable, in order to fit yourself into a box of containment that appeases all around you?
Decisions, decisions. I bet you can guess how I feel about all of this.
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School + work + kids + my new dog + the obscene reality that every stupid doctor/dentist/eye dr/allergist, etc appt came due all at once means that I have virtually no free time. I have voicemails on my phone from two weeks ago, text messages that are read and unanswered, emails that sit in my inbox. I am NEVER like this. EVER. I always answer things straight away. Always. Yet this month, this school semester really, is kicking my ass nine ways to Sunday. My class schedule means 5-6 hours of classwork a night and if I can make it through the next two weeks I will consider it a freakin' miracle. Every night I say to myself, "Why am I doing this?" I mean, I know why, and yet, staying up until 1 or 1:30 every night doing schoolwork after working a full shift is making me question my choices. So. If I owe you email/text/phone call/coffee visit - don't take it personally. I can barely keep us in clean underpants.
