Mom to the Screaming Masses

Facets and Faces

I have recently made a new friend. Well, a couple of new friends, due to the fact that I have a new job - after six-ish months, can one still say it's a new job? I can, because I still have SO MUCH TO LEARN, holla, I make mistake after mistake on the daily

but I am happy in this job

happier than in my previous job

and happier than the job before

and, although I've taken a substantial pay cut, and lost a job title, and I no longer manage people and I don't carry business cards, attend conferences, give talks, plan events, travel, etc - 

I enjoy what I am doing. I am a small person, doing a small job, with fun people. I'm tired at the end of the day, and I deal with the public, which comes with it's own set of, shall we say, special challenges - but at the heart of it, I've always been a people person. 

My mom loves to tell stories of times when I was a child and I'd make fast friends in the grocery with other children, and I still do that. I talk to everyone. I like to know people, to know their stories, to know what makes them tick, what interests them, what they can't stand, what their childhood was like, what they had for breakfast and what their deepest, darkest secrets might be. 

People fascinate me, but what truly fascinates me is the reality that each person is a different person to each and every other person, and I am a different person to each person who knows me, and to each person who has ever met me, and who will meet me. 

Everyone who has ever met me has a different memory and a different experience of me. Sure, some of those memories overlap - my parents remember vast majorities of the same things, at least up until a certain time point in my life, but their life's experiences color their interpretation of how they saw those events both then and now. It's the same way for anyone who meets me - and you. 

It's so crazy to me that there are people in my life currently who have never known me before the huge events of the recent past. Those two events massively and unfailingly altered the course of my life in a real, physical and concrete way and my life was profoundly changed and to me, the change was enormous. Mountainous. Gigantic. The events were literally life framing and shaping events that stopped the course of my life and shifted it into a hard right turn, not once but twice.

But there are people who will never know the "old" me. I mean, I am pretty glad for that, in some ways, because that was a truly really hard and gut wrenching period of time for me that I relive on a somewhat frequent basis in my mind, and I cannot possibly understand how I have any friends left after what I put them through. 

Love is the only reason I can think of. And the thought that anyone might love me that much is staggering. It's only through extensive therapy that I'm getting to where I can love myself at that level. That shit is hard. HARD, I'm telling you, and I have a really patient therapist. I argue with her all of the time, and she still talks to me. 

The fact that I've come through it in a whole and solid piece is even more stunning to me. The fact that I can smile and laugh, I can find enjoyment and pleasure and fun and have confidence and I can be exactly who I am, who I feel like inside, feel at peace with myself and at home, finally, in my thoughts and my mind - well, that blows me away as often as I think of it. 

Kapow. Mind blown.

The reality is that no one sees all parts, all sides of you. They see what they want to see, what they are comfortable with, what sides of you fit into the corners of their life - and that's it, nothing more. Any two people in your life will have two different versions of you. 

Ask two random people in your life what your favorite movie is - you'll get two different answers. 

I just did, and I got The Hangover, The Breakfast Club, The Birdcage, and John Wick. All correct. The same thing with books and food, activities, all the things that make up a life - everyone takes the little pieces of you that they like, and they create a version of you that they are the most comfortable with. Each version is you, a bit - it's a facet of you, like a facet of a diamond. Put all of the facets from your friends together and you'll have you. 

Which sounds weird but I think you know what I mean. 

I actually find it intriguing that there is no one who knows everything about me. That would mean I had no secrets left. :)

Feelings of Belonging, Take 48

I religiously watched This is Us last season. This year, I still watch it, but due to my work schedule, I watch each episode the next day, or the following. It's still a good show, but I'm not quite as devoted as I was last year - a bit of the shine has rubbed off for me. I will still watch and enjoy, don't get me wrong. 

One of the aspects of the show I most enjoy is the superb writing. There's always a line that grabs me, and it's usually something that's small and seemingly inconsequential and I end up having to rewind a couple of times to catch all of the tiny bits. This week, the important quote was a bit more important, but this one really, really got me. Spoken by Randall:

Stuffs always complicated. Where I fit in. How I come off to certain people. It’s like I’m trying too hard or I’m not trying hard enough. Can never get it right.

This is EXACTLY how I feel, what in the actual hell. Ever since I was a young kid in ballet class, I have always felt like an outsider, looking in at some one else's life. Every group I've ever joined, I've left after a while, because I haven't felt as if I fit in.

It's so crazy. 

And forget how I come off to people - to some, I am the nicest person, and to others, I am the devil incarnate. I used to be on the advisory committee at my church and half of the people on the committee thought I was really funny - and fully 6 people on the committee didn't like me to sit next to them, lol. 

It's super confusing, sometimes, trying to figure out your place in life. Do you ever feel that way? And then when you have been at one school/church/job for a long time, and you decide to change, and you have to pull yourself from a comfort zone and go into a new one - well, it can be a difficult thing, to try to figure out how to fit in, all over again, to try and find that balance of trying too hard versus not trying hard enough and hope to have other people understand your humor, your stories, to know who you are as a person and to decide that you are worth it. 

Stuff is, indeed, always so freakin' complicated. 

____________

You might notice that this page looks a bit different. After more than 12 years, I removed the ads from this site. I used to make a good income from them, but that money has slowed to a trickle and now basically disappeared, and now that BlogHer is gone, and the company I loved is no longer, and I am no longer employed by SheKnows, I have no need to keep my sidebars full of ads that do not bring money in. 

So, less clutter on the eyes, I hope, at any rate. Enjoy my new, ad free blog. And I updated my bio a smidge. Not a ton. Just a smidge. :)

Visiting Medieval Times

Disclosure: I was a guest of Medieval Times. I wasn't paid to attend, but I did receive dinner. I wasn't asked to write a post or share socially - I just really loved the show and thought it was super cool - and I wanted to share my pictures with you. That's it. :)

I've long been a history buff. I was a history major in college, and then I switched to English. 

Then I switched to culinary. I can't stay with anything long, can I?

It wasn't until I was introduced to the Outlander Series that I really fell in love with history, though. I've become a raging fool for all periods of history, the older the better. 

A few years ago, a traveling medieval group came to my area, and I pulled my kids along with me. I regaled them with tales of how enjoyable it would be, how exciting! We'd see jousting! and sword play! and falconry! and on and on and on

and we were very, very disappointed. It was a bust of a day for certain. 

But when I went to the BlogHer conference for work, one of the sponsors was Medieval Times, and I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the show. 

I LOVED every minute of it. 

 

I was lucky enough to be a guest of Medieval Times, but I am already plotting how to get my family there. I know my kids and my husband would love it - and there's a Medieval Times about 4 hours from us. It's an old fashioned tournament show of about two hours long, in the traditional style, with competing knights challenging each other for the favor of a princess. 

There's even a king. 

There are horse shows, and I was really impressed by how well trained the animals are - and I'm not an animal person at all, as you might know. 

But then you get to the good stuff. The knights battle, and they take out maces, and swords, and clubs, and all kind of jank. I asked some of the players the next day if they ever got hurt, and apparently - the answer is a resounding YES. Torn shoulder muscles, separated shoulder blades, arm muscles, the whole she bang. Yikes. 

We had dinner, and the cool thing about this is that you have no utensils - you eat just as you would eat at a medieval time dinner. We each had half a chicken, a corn cob, a potato wedge, and a beverage. 

 

All in all, it was a great night and I would highly recommend it to everyone! It is EXACTLY The kind of place my son Gabe would love to work, that is for certain!

When in Doubt, Kindness is Always a Good Idea

So, I traveled to Florida today for the BlogHer/SheKnows conference. It's for work, being that I work for the company and have for the past almost 5 years. (I had to check. It will be five years in September. I started in September 2012. That seems forever ago.) 

My husband has lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 or 9 phones. He leaves them places. He drops them in pools. He leaves them on top of his car and drives off. He leaves them in his pocket when he goes in the water at the beach. He leaves them in his pocket when he goes in the wave pool. He drops them out of roller coasters. 

The man is hella hard on phones. 

He went with me to the airport today. I drove my truck and jumped out, grabbed my bags and he drove off. With my phone, still sitting right where it does when I drive. And I had no way to call him to tell him that he had my phone. My lifeline. My very way of breathing, communicating, my constant in my day to day. And I was gong to a work conference where I needed my phone as much as I needed my computer. 

I check email and Facebook and text and keep in contact with work and my kids and I don't know that I can even adequately explain to you how very much I use my phone. How much my phone is a part of me, a lifeline to me, an essential part of me. 

I approached a woman in line and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I left my phone in my truck and my husband drove off. Could I please borrow your phone to call him and tell him?"

She looked at me and said, "You want to use my phone? Why? Are you going to take it?"

No, I wasn't going to take it. I tried to explain it to her, but I was starting to panic, a bit. I couldn't check in for my flight without my phone, couldn't call him to bring back my phone, could she please just let me use hers?

She said,"Well, how do I know you'll brig it back? You did forget yours."

In retrospect, maybe she was trying to be funny. I probably should have just - moved on. But I was honestly so shocked - because my genuine first thought, when someone asks for help is to, you know, help them. I just - do it. Maybe I should have asked another person. Instead, I just - looked at her, and she looked at me, and then, maybe five seconds later - which is longer than you might think

she passed over her phone. 

i found this entire interaction strange. 

Why wouldn't you offer to help someone. 

and above all, it reminded me, that we can always, always, always - try to be just be kind. 

SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave

An Ode to #CrackerBarrel

I'm currently eating Chicken Fried Chicken, with a side of hash browns, another of dumplings, and some green beans that I believe have been cooked in bacon. I'm drinking iced tea (unsweetened, though, because I'm not about that life) and I have a set of biscuits in the kitchen waiting for tomorrow morning - and I may or may not have contemplated ordering a piece of Double Fudge Coca-Cola Cake - 

wait. Let me esplain. 

Earlier today, I stumbled across one of the greatest social media - I don't know what you might call it, a story, maybe - things I've ever read, at any rate. And remember - I work in social media. Social media is where it's at. 

Apparently, in February, a woman named Nanette, who was employed at an Indiana Cracker Barrel, was fired - on her husband Brad's birthday. He was puzzled as to why she was let go - varying reports state that she was a 5 star employee, had been employed for eleven years, was a customer favorite, and well liked by other employees, but the manager who let her go stated that "she wasn't working out."

Already, something sounds off to me, somewhere in that mix - but I don't work there and I don't have a bull in this herd, so whatever. The story behind the firing isn't really vital - just know that she was let go. Brad, being quizzical and, presumably, a fan of his wife, commented on the Cracker Barrel Facebook page:

And boom - a social media movement was born. 

It took off like wild fire - people commenting on the Cracker Barrel Facebook page, asking for #justiceforbradswife. Asking why she was let go, and hijacking innocent comments on the Facebook page. 

 

I read the entire thing, laughing until I cried. I read it to my kids, I read it to my husband - and all of a sudden, I wanted nothing more in my life than Hashbrown Casserole and Chicken 'n Dumplings. 

Another, because I can't stop. This it the funniest thing I've seen in forever. 

See, here's the thing - I grew up on country food. (It's true. I asked my mom, and she verified it for me. Ask her yourself if you want.) Carbs are my jam, my life, my comfort and my addiction. When I first started having kids, and money was super tight, my mom would take us to Cracker Barrel, and it was always a treat. I love it there, more than is probably wise to mention. 

My husband is a born and bred New York City native and he hates it at Cracker Barrel. He refuses to eat there. He has no soul. We leave him at home when we go, the kids and I. Occasionally, if I'm having a really onerous day - I will go by myself and have lunch. 

One of the best parts of Cracker Barrel, that has zilch to do with food, is the store. I roam around, checking out the candies (I mean, really, when was the last time you saw a Zagnut or Clark bar?) I smell all of the pretty candles that I'll never buy, look at super cute baby outfits - and if my kids go, you can bet they will play a game or two of checkers or the infamous jump the peg game. (I tried to link the candies to the CB page but they don't sell them online. More's the pity.)

It's kind of a tradition with my kids that I will always buy a candy stick for them after we eat. My mom will often buy me the sugar sticks - the ones that look like candy canes but without a hook and much softer and sweeter. I've bought jewelry there - tonight, I bought some gold hoops earrings - and I bought my sister in law a beautiful navajo turquoise watch bracelet before she passed. 

In fact, tonight I saw a couple of things my mom might like for her birthday. :)

I've bought copies of childhood favorite movies and tv shows - who here remembers Hong Kong Phooey?? Leave it to Beaver, My Three Sons, The Three Stooges - I've tried lotions and soaps and lip chaps and admired a very old cast iron stove replica from the turn of the century that I would have bought in a  hot minute if I had the money. 

I'd even buy a rocking chair, if I had a porch. 

Cracker Barrel to me is kitschy, unique, fun, and intriguing. 

When I ordered my dinner to go tonight, I commented to the waitress that #justiceforbradswife had brought me in, and she asked me what that was all about - she'd spotted it on the internets (!), she said, but she didn't have time to investigate. I started to explain it to her, and I was laughing almost immediately. By the time I got to the end, I was practically howling, and the pièce de résistance?

When she told me that people HAD CALLED OUR CRACKER BARREL, IN VIRGINIA BEACH, TO ASK ABOUT BRAD'S WIFE - WHO WAS FIRED IN INDIANA!

Driving home tonight, with my to go dinner packed up carefully in a brown bag, I texted my good friend that my truck "smelled like carbs, fat, gravy and pure happiness."

Even if there was no #JusticeforBradsWife, I had some HashBrown Casserole, and I'm calling it a win. ;)

Confess Your Unpopular Opinion

A friend posted this on Facebook, and the response was fascinating. 

You know all of those things that EVERYONE LIKES, and you don't, but you pretend to, so as to go along with the masses? Even though, deep inside, they make you cringe? Yeah, those things. Share them with me. I'll start with my list, which is actually probably pretty long. How many of mine do you agree with? How many make you want to swear at me that I'm DEAD WRONG? 

• The Rolling Stones are overrated. 
• There is probably no way you can prepare cauliflower that will make me like it. 
• Or beets. Nope. 
• I don't like the new versions of musicals done on TV, like The Sound of Music. Not right, never gonna be right - and I'm deeply afraid of what Hairspray will look like this fall. 
• There is not a coleslaw out there that I like. Even yours. Yup, I've tried that version too. 
• Dolly Parton can sing the socks off Adele. 
• Nina Simone should be more well known. 
• Fleetwood Mac is more popular than they should be.
• Same for Coldplay.
• Ryan Gosling who is not as good looking as every other woman in the world thinks. 
• I don't like The Smiths or Morrissey or The Beatles or Bob Marley or, oh my God, Bob Dylan. 
• Leonardo Dicaprio isn't the actor he thinks he is. 
• Beer is disgusting. 
• I do not care for cats. Or dogs. And if you let your dog kiss you on your mouth, get away from me with your mouth. 
• I don't like poetry, expect for some Maya Angelou. The rest, no. 
• Cannolis are disgusting. 
• No scary movies. No gory movies. Basically, I like musicals, and love stories, and good, interesting, intriguing stories - anything that stoops to blood and gore can get out of here. 
• I have tried to read Jane Austen 1 million times, but I can't do it. I love the movies of Pride and Prejudice, Emma, etc - but the books leave me cold. 
• Starbucks is pretentious and you can get much better coffee at a local coffee house, OR make your own.
• I think marijuana should be legal in every state. 
• Flowers are a way to separate you from your money. 
• Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day = made up holidays designed to make you feel guilty and spend money you probably don't have. I'll give a pass to St. Patrick's Day - another made up holiday, but, hey, any holiday that let's us all drink is all right by me. 
• I don't like sushi. 
• Reading to little kids makes me squirrely. 

Your turn. :)

Well, SOMEONE Had to Try It, Right? Reviewing the #KrispyKreme Cake Mix

It was just - there - when I was shopping at the grocery one day. 

I turned a corner and the end cap was full of boxes of it, just staring me right in the face. 

I mean - Krispy Kreme donuts are probably my favorite, even though I don't really eat donuts all that often. But. A cake that supposedly tastes like an original Krispy Kreme donut, the closest food to heaven in the South?

SIGN. ME. UP. 

I bought the box, brought it home, and the kids were super jazzed to make it. So we popped open the box and mixed it all up. 

First thoughts? Well, the batter tasted very, very sweet - but it did have the flavor of a Krispy Kreme donut, at least somewhat. 

(Side note - did you know you can buy Krispy Kreme donuts on Ebay? Donuts shipped to you would, I think, not be such a great idea. I might be wrong.)

It didn't look like the mix made much batter, but I went ahead and poured it into the prepared cake pan, where it came up a disappointing third of the way. I'm used to cake batter that fills the pan and you've got extra to make cupcakes and eat and whatnot - oh, hush, you know you eat batter too, raw eggs be damned. I thought maybe the batter would rise substantially, and waited not so patiently for the cake to finish. 

When the timer beeped, the cake was probably 2/3 of the way up the pan - so, an improvement, but not huge. I turned the cake out onto the plate and coated it with the glaze and 

We had ourselves a cake. A small cake, but it was truly a cake. 

Did it taste like Krispy Kreme donuts? That's a mixed verdict. One kid said yes, one kid said no. I tried it, and thought it was - meh. Overly sweet for sure, which is much what I say about donuts - but it did have a bit of that elusive KK donut flavor. 

I really much prefer my pound cake recipe, which I can share at a later date, but if you aren't a baker and you are looking for something sweet

This could work. 

I'd give it a 2.5 out of 5 stars, although the kids went as high as 3 stars. 

Share The Morning Routine

I was reading online about various morning routines, and I thought it might be interesting to talk about mine here. Or could put you to sleep, who knows. Play along! Put your answers in the comments, or write your own blog post and link it! I cribbed these questions from several interviews of famous peoples - I am not famous, but I thought the questions were still intriguing. :)

What time are you usually in bed? I am not a late night person. I used to be, but over the past couple of years, I've morphed into this super old lady - I love to be in bed by about 9. I usually read for a while, get up and remind people to pack up/shower/take meds/wash their face/leave their phones on the counter - from 9 until about 10. Hopefully, everyone is settled by about 10, and I read until I drop the iPad kindle on my face - which is about 10:06. 

What time do you typically get up? The first time? I usually wake up between 2 and 4 and have to try to figure out how to fall back asleep. Lately I've been counting backwards from 100 - if I get to 0, I start over. It usually takes me twice through and then I'm out again. My alarm goes off at 5:45 - 5:30 if it's Wednesday or Friday, which are A period days for my girls and they have to be at school early. 

Snooze or no snooze? Nope. I'm afraid if I do, I won't get up again - and there's too much riding on my getting up in a timely fashion.

Are you a morning person? Not so as one would say. It's helpful that I'm up for a bit before the kids, because I can come towards the light, as it were, and wake up enough to function. 

For busy moms, what helps make the morning smoother? For anyone - prepping as much as possible for the next day. This means packing lunches, laying out uniforms, knowing that the breakfast stuff is ready to go, making sure book bags are packed and by the door, computers and chrome books and tablets are charging, coats and shoes are in their spots. Everyone's medicines are at their seats. If I go to bed too early, and these things aren't in place - we alllll suffer the next day. 

What is your coffee routine? When I'm cleaning up the kitchen the night before, I set up the French press and the milk frother. I set out my coffee mug - it's a thing with me, picking the next day's mug - and put the coffee syrup in, and it's all ready to go. Many mornings, my husband wakes up before I do and he does the coffee for me. It's awesome. :)

First things you do in the morning? When my alarm goes off, I check email and Facebook, instagram and a quick glance at Twitter and Snapchat. I wake the kids on my way downstairs. I transfer the wash into the dryer and start it, and start another load in the machine if one is waiting. I start the water heating for the coffee, if my husband isn't ahead of me. I unload the dishwasher, go to the steps and yell for the kids. I put out the protein shakes and pull out the packed lunch boxes - call up to the kids again - and after about 20 minutes, totally lose my cool and go upstairs and physically drag people out of bed.

They love me so much at 6 a.m. 

What is your typical breakfast? I am not a fan of breakfast. I'll eat Cream of Wheat, an egg sandwich, or toast and a soft boiled egg. Sometimes I'll do banana bread or oatmeal. I don't really like to eat it, so I try to make a production of it for myself. I have a cup of coffee while the kids eat and wait for my breakfast until I get back from the drop offs. I'm not usually hungry until about 8. 

What's your guilty pleasure breakfast? Eggs Benedict with Hollandaise sauce and fresh ham. Fruit salad. 

Out the door? Goal is 7 a.m., with two school drop offs. It doesn't always work - but if we've not left by 7:10, it's not pretty. And that's putting it mildly. 

Do you work out in the morning? Um, I try? Seriously, if I am going to exercise, it has to be completed by 9:30, so I try to work out a few times a week - but I recently missed THREE weeks because I had surgery and then I got sick - so it's a habit I need to pick back up. I know I feel so much better when I go to boxing class, I just need to get it together more often. 

Where do you get your morning news? From email, Facebook and Twitter before we leave in the morning - and after I get home from the drop off, I watch the Today show while eating my breakfast. 

Do you have any morning shortcuts? Doing everything I can the night before. 

What's your hair and beauty routine? I wash my hair every third day, so the days between are pretty easy - that said, I don't do anything until I get home from drop off. I clip my hair up and toss on some jeans and shirt and look pretty ratchet. After breakfast, I try to pull myself together enough to avoid embarrassment if I have an unexpected visitor - the UPS man does so totally count - or if I have to run to the store unexpectedly, in which case I'll see everyone I've ever met, all the way back to grammar school. 

What are your favorite clothing brands? Levi's jeans. Eva Mendes (NY and CO) for dress clothes. Ann Taylor Loft. And, of course, Target. 

What makeup products do you use? Allllllll of them. I am a huge makeup lover. I wear it all - but use Mac blush, Nars foundation, Urban Decay eye shadow, Nars contour, Makeup Forever loose powder, and lots and lots of Tarte stuff. Sephora is my home store.  

Complete the sentence: Woke up like this:

Woke up like this, please don't judge too harshly. I've got a lot to do before 7:15. 

Personal Prompt for November 12, #NaBloPoMo

We all know that I have serious commitment issues. I can't seem to follow through on most stuff, which is why I didn't even think about attempting NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month, in which one commits to posting on their blog every day for the month of November. I've done it before, but my life is so scattered right now that I can barely manage to commit to brushing my teeth every night. 

I'm kidding. I DO do that. Get one crown and it scares you into obsessive dental care. 

But I saw today's NoBloPoMo prompt and it got me thinking:

If you had a personal assistant who would do your most dreaded tasks, which items from your to do list would you assign out?

• Ironing. I despise ironing, although I can usually fool myself into tolerating it by watching a movie. But I really, really hate ironing. When I do it, which is about twice a week, I offer it up as a penance, but I'm pretty sure that offering it up while irritable doesn't really do much good. 
• Sweeping/Mopping. This never goes away. As soon as you do it, you need to do it again. 
• Scrubbing the Stove Top. Same as above. 
• Washing the dishes. Same as above. 

What tasks would you choose?

 

Heard In My House Today

I borrowed this idea from my friend Ellen, who just had the most gorgeous baby, and chronicled her morning tidbits. Her comments are cuter. Mine are more crazy making. 

• I don't have any uniform shirts!
• Why can't you pack my lunch for me? I'm exhausted of making decisions.
• I practiced yesterday. Why do I have to practice again today?
• Does he have to practice NOW? I want to take a nap.
• Didn't you do the laundry today? Don't you know I need a uniform shirt?
• It's not FAIR that you can stay up until you want! 
• WHERE is my lunchbox?
• WHERE are my car keys?
• WHERE is my jacket?
• WHY isn't anything where it belongs? I know I put it in it's place!
• I'm not planning to be a nurse. So I shouldn't have to learn all of the parts of the body with their scientific names.
• Practice, again?!?!?
• Why can't Dad be home all the time? He's the funner parent. 
• I have no idea why all of my pressed uniform shirts are still on hangers under my bed. I know I hung them up in the closet. 
• Is there ever a time when everyone in this house isn't singing?
• YOUR Mother. 
• Of COURSE I need more index cards. I've only used 1500 so far this school year!
• I don't have a pressed uniform shirt!
• Can you drive me?
• Practice? Scales? Are you for REAL?
• Can you make more cookies/bread/muffins/taco soup/lemon chicken/chicken parm?
• When *I'M* the grown up, I won't have to do anything I don't want to do!
• Did you take the shirt out of my room without asking?
• PRACTICE AGAIN? Are you for real?

Feel free to add your own and together, we might make it through.