Mom to the Screaming Masses

A Night at The Tropicana Night Club

Laugh all you want, but my first experience with the Tropicana Night Club came from my love of the I Love Lucy show. Ricky started his own Tropicana night club, based off of the Tropicana club in his homeland of Cuba. That's all I knew about it. 

When we knew were were going to Cuba, one of the perks of the trip was the opportunity to chose from a selection of excursions, and I immediately chose the outing to the Tropicana. My husband and I love shows and this was right up our alley. 

This was definitely a once in a lifetime trip that I do not imagine I will ever have the opportunity to make again. 

We took a bus that was quite a long ride from our ship, and when we arrived, we were immediately greeted with a cigar - standard for each guest - and a hand was stretched out for a fee, on top of the $200 USD charged for the ticket. It seemed that if you wanted to take pictures, you had to pay a $5 charge, and video was a $15 charge. That was unusual, and unexpected, but ok. 

We walked through the building, which was quite warm and stuffy - remember, no air conditioning, virtually anywhere - and out the door into what can only be described as a paradise. Truly, I've never seen any outdoor theater quite like it. An elaborate stage, surrounded by billowing trees, with steps built into the trees in such a cunning way as to be virtually invisible and bridges criss crossing the upper span of the theater, allowing for quick stage crossings and costume changes. 

The first show starts at 10, but they begin to funnel the crowd in at 9, and they really pack you in. You are seated at tables in groups of four, and once you are seated, don't plan to get up. I mean, you can, if you need to, but you should be prepared to get up close and personal with your seat mates and be willing to be apologetic for the inconvenience, because when you get up, everyone's got to get up - at least, that was our experience. And after a time or two of this, people got a bit testy. :) Your ticket includes a drink and a snack (more on that in a minute) but that doesn't start until the show starts, so if you want something in the hour before the show, this is the time to do it. We elected to skip this, and we spent the time chatting with friends, letting people get up to walk around, and looking at the incredible scenery. The band was playing and the music was really amazing. 

There was one large stage, in the front, and then a multi level stage to the left. Apparently the dancers graduate from the smaller stage to the larger as they progress through their career. A dancer who is lucky enough to be chosen as a Tropicana dancer, we were told, has a career for life. As long as he or she maintains skill and body, they remain in their job until around the age of 30, and they are then retired and become instructors. (So we were told.) This seemed plausible, at any rate. 

They used every bit of the stage. 

The costuming was like nothing I've ever seen. 

One thing I did notice? How bored some of the dancers looked. Sure, some of them smiled, and some of them looked like they were selling it. I've done enough stage work to know how this goes - it's not all fun and laughs on the stage, and it's work up there - but people pay money to come to a show - a lot of money - and this is a job, and in Cuba, jobs are hard to come by. I'd think the dancers would want to keep those jobs. In reading up on the Tropicana Club, I saw that a lot of people made the same observation - the dancers looked bored.

(Side note: If you need a pair of fishnet stockings, go to Cuba - every woman I saw there was wearing them - in the airport, at the Customs, in the Immigration office, every restaurant - all the women were wearing fishnets.) 

 

The dancers were very, very energetic and extremely fast at their costume changes - of course, it helps that there wasn't much to the costumes, lol. 

When the show began, the waiters brought around a bottle of Havana Club Rum, to be split between the four people - hence being seated at a table of four people - and a bottle of Cane Sugar Coca-Cola. The rum was very, very strong. You were also given a dish of peanuts. This was your snack - Rum and Coke and nuts. :) 

 

 

At the end of the show, we were quickly escorted out of the venue, because they had to reset - our show was supposed to end to 12, but it stopped at about 11:40, and the next show started at midnight, so it was a tight squeeze to get us out and the next group in. We grabbed our bottle of rum - we'd only had a couple of shots, so why leave it on the table? - and the one from our tablemates next to us was still sealed, so we took theirs as well. :)

All in all, it was a most educational evening. 

 

The Words of a Stranger

So today I had to go to the high school to bring - something - to my kid. It involved me walking down the hall - after I'd been given my appropriate hall pass, which never fails to crack me up - and signing my name illegibly (that way, if a crime is committed, they won't have my signature of attendance, haha). 

As I walked down the hall to the (area redacted because it's not important to the story and there's a whole privacy thing here) 

two women walked out of the office door. One of them was talking to the one behind her, and as the second one came out of the door, she looked straight at me and said,

"Girl, you know you can't make everyone happy, so you do you", she said to her friend - while looking right at me. 

Did I say that part? Probably, but it bears repeating. 

I laughed and said, "You know it!" and nodded at her, and she smiled. She said, "I just felt like I should tell you that, you know?"

And I really, really needed to hear those words from a stranger, today. 

Yeah, This Week

So, Tuesday morning, I woke up at 2:14 a.m, with a blinding headache. 

I thought about getting up to get my migraine medicine, but I was so tired, and so comfortable, that I hoped I could sleep it off. 

What is that saying about old dogs and new tricks?

I'm not sure I'll ever learn. 

5 a.m., I took the medicine. In retrospect, this was too late - but I'm stubborn and like to think I know better than, say, my own body, and so I just kept plugging away. I couldn't drink coffee. I couldn't eat breakfast. At 9 a.m., I knew I was in trouble, and I took the medicine again - the max you can take it is twice. 

At 12 I started vomiting. For the next four hours, I seriously and religiously thought about death. I thought about it the way I imagine few people do - I thought about doing myself in, anything to get rid of the pain. 

At 4, I gave it up, dosed myself with Phengran to stop the nausea, and threw myself in bed. I said an Act of Contrition (drama, much? I truly though I might die while asleep and I actually didn't care, anything to stop the pain) and I dropped into sleep like a brick. 

I woke up in the pitch dark. I grabbed my phone, and saw that it said 6:27 and wondered - was it still the night or had I slept all the way through? It was so dark! (Time change messes with me at night, yo.) I still felt lousy, but I was also super hungry, so I went downstairs, ate a bite, and went back to bed. (For the record - 6:27 p.m. is really, really dark.)

The next day, I woke up, blissfully headache free, but also deeply worried about this latest headache - I haven't had one that bad in probably ten years, maybe longer. I was dehydrated from all of the vomiting and felt really spacey and somewhat disoriented - better living through chemistry, indeed, but every plus has minus and side effects are cruel often. 

And then my kid's asthma flared and we ended up at the doctor, and then we were sent over to the hospital for lab work. Which with this kid was super, super not cool. 

And the next day I got a flu shot. 

Oh, and did I tell you, I've decided to try to write a book, by using National Book Writing Month (NANoWriMo) as a prompt?

And then my neighborhood had an attempted break in two doors down, and then a week later, five cars were broken into (including my husband's) and one car across the street was stolen? 

Let's see, what else happened? 

I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH, DON'T YOU????

The Tribe

Definition: any aggregate of people united by ties of descent from a commonancestor, community of customs and traditions, adherence to thesame leaders, etc.

It's been a long time since I've really been anywhere with all of my kids. In fact, the only places that I go with more than 2 or 3 of them are places that, really, everyone knows us - and so, as a larger than typical size family, we've just been - accepted - and no one bats an eye.

A long time ago, I wrote a post for Redbook that was subsequently picked up by Yahoo!Shine called  10 Things You Should Never Say to the Mom of a Big Family - I tried to link it for you, but it appears to have been removed. Drat. It was good, too. 

One of the things that has most bothered me about having a big family is the reality that literally everyone you come across wants to comment on the fact that you have OMG so many kids. My circle of reach has shrunk drastically over the past few years, and I just don't engage with as many new people as I used to. Not only that, but my older kids - who still live at home - do their own things and spend most of their time at work or friends houses, so its often just me and those three who cannot yet drive. 

But the younger boy recently got his Driver's Permit, OMG, all the feels. Who put this water in my eyes?

This past weekend, I took my four youngest to Whole Foods to buy protein shakes. (We have been having breakfast issues lately. Not me. I never have trouble with eating enough.) While there, we discussed the reality that we can't walk five across in a row, that we need to be responsible for how we present ourselves in public and the clear and certain truth that no one came to the store to see us put on a show. 

As we walked down the row, a visibly older woman snarled - there was really no other word   to describe her behavior - She brought her whole tribe with her. How horrible. 

I was puzzled. There were only four of them. They were smiling and laughing and getting along. No one was fighting, no one was arguing, no tears were being shed. They were - dare I say it - FUN. 

Tribe. See the definition above. 

But there's also this: a large number of persons, animals, etc, a specific class or group of persons, a family, esp a large one

We went to the end of the row and made our way up the next, just looking, and at the end of the row, we encountered her again. She threw up her hands, and said, "Oh, God, it's the tribe again."

I looked at her and said, "They are only kids. Besides, I left the other half of the family at home." Honest truth, I did. I thought that maybe, she'd smile, but not this lady. She was tough, and she was bitter. 

Or, there's this: In the Biblical sense, which was the original one in English, the Latin word translates Greek phyle "race or tribe of men, body of men united by ties ofblood and descent, a clan". Extension to any ethnic group orrace of people is first recorded 1590's.

My 17 year old tossed her hand out in a dramatic fashion, and said, "Excuuuuuuse our tribe!" and she walked by, head held high and proud. 

I was really bothered by it - I think that I must have lost all of my "Big Family Toughness" - I was, in years past, very tough and in people's faces and downright militant about Big Family Pride -

but my kids thought it was funny. 

And, if they weren't bothered, I didn't need to be either. 

How to Fly with Food Allergies

The name of this post is actually a misnomer. I don't really know anything about flying with food allergies.

In fact, yesterday, I realized that I really don't know anything about flying OR food allergies at all.

And, if you want to tell me that peanuts aren't offered on any flights any more, slow your roll. Four flights this weekend. Four offers of peanuts. Eight flights last month - six offers of peanuts. I'm not making this stuff up for my amusement. 

I've flown a lot. Coincidently, I think I've encountered every weird/odd/annoying problem you could imagine while flying. Missed flight? Lost luggage? Spilled drink, crying baby, surly flight attendants? Man changing a child's diaper on the fold-down tray? Broken shoe as you're running for your flight? Running through the entire airport carrying 50 pounds of luggage?

Pshaw. Done it all.

More than a few times, I have heard flight attendants announce that, due to peanut allergic individuals on board, they would not be serving peanuts on the flight, and if we had them in our possession, could we please refrain from eating them.

I thought myself, "Wow. That's awfully nice. If I ever fly with my food allergic kids, I will have to make that request."

Well, I'm flying with my kids in two months, so I thought that I would go ahead and call the airline, to see how I could go about getting this set up. I'm not stupid – I knew that making this request would not be the only thing I would have to do. After all, you can make announcements as much as you want, but people don't have to follow them. I had already planned to bring bleach wipes, to wipe down the arm rest, tray table, and anything else I could see. I had planned to bring a fitted sheet to fit over the seat for my child to sit on.

The announcement would just be icing on the cake, I thought. After all, there are four of us flying. One of us will have to sit by his or herself, and the odds are, it would be the child with the peanut allergies. I planned to very nicely ask those in this row not to eat the peanut snacks, and plannedto bring multiple snacks on board to swap, share, and enjoy.

I did not anticipate making this request of the airline would be such a big deal.

The name of the airline doesn't matter. It could be any one of the many airlines. I have to say, that although I know it was an out of the ordinary request, my heart is hurting just a little bit for people who cannot manage to think of another person safety. For the social media representative to tell me that it was too complicated of a request, and something that they would not be able to handle, kind of threw me for a loop a little bit.

Don't get me wrong – I know that my kids food allergy is my issue, and my kids issue. It is not the issue of the general public. I've always instructed that my food allergic kids advocate for themselves. I've always told them that the world will not keep them safe, that it is up to them.

Right now, as minor children, it is up to me.

I've taught them to read labels. I've taught them to dispense Benadryl, to auto inject an EpiPen, to always keep one with them. I taught them to wear medic alert bracelets, never to eat food that they are unsure of, and to always speak up at restaurants. Ask, ask, ask, I've always said. Most people are good. Most people are kind. Most people don't want to see you have a reaction, most people don't want to stab you with an epi pen.

I always ask about food allergies. Most of the people in my life do as well. I love them for it, for it shows a level of kindness and consideration and affection for my kids. 

I just wish that businesses, especially businesses that just took a very large chunk of money to transport four people across the country, had the same level of consideration. 

I still plan to ask at the gate. I still plan to talk to the flight attendants, talk to the seat companions, talk and talk and talk. It's my kids first flight - I want it to be a very good experience, one that they will remember forever - and not for the wrong reasons. 

I know some of you will disagree with me. Someone is sure to comment and tell me to get over myself, it's not a big deal, stop trying to get everyone to follow your steps and commands. 

On this, I won't. 

I've Never, And Won't...

Sometimes, I tool around on Facebook and see links that other people have posted - and I go read their posts. Some of them are not so good, and some of them are fantastic. And some of them make me think, "That's a great topic! I think I would like to write about it!" because, if I was to leave my answers in a comment, it would take over the entire blog. 

And no one wants me to take over their blog. 

Fat Mum Slim does a great photography thing, and I follow her on Facebook - and she had this super great post. Titled, "I'm sorry, but I've actually never", she discussed things that other people rave about that she's actually never done. I commiserated with a lot of what she wrote, but some of it left me baffled. I mean, I watched all of the first season of Game of Thrones.  Lots of people said they've never done that. 

I've eaten an eclair. I've flown first class - once. I've gotten a tattoo (5), and of course, I've had tons of coffee. I have skinny dipped and have my ears pierced twice - although no other piercings. :)

All things that some people haven't done. 

I haven't gone sky diving, watched Twilight, seen a Royal OR the President, eaten haggis, read any of the Harry Potter books or stayed up all night. I haven't bungee jumped or parachuted. I haven't seen any horror films, played Candy Crush, watched Breaking Bad OR Lord of the Rings. I haven't seen a single episode of Dr. Who and have never eaten sushi. (Fish makes me break out in hives, so, yeah...)

I've not ever been hypnotized. 

What are some things that you have never done that others have?

It rhymes with "Schmericka's Fest"

I have worn glasses since I was about seven years old. Very strong, very thick, Coke bottom glasses. When I was a child, the fashion was to wear a big lens – the bigger the better - so my glasses covered almost half of my face. Coupled with braces, straight oily hair, and a face full of acne – well, I was looking a little rough.

When I was a teenager, my father took me for contact lenses, and I wore those until I moved out of the house. Once I was living on my own, I could no longer afford contact lenses, and so I went back to big glasses.

I have not worn glasses full-time since I got married. (This is the point where my husband falls down in prayer and gratitude.) All of my children, though, have inherited my bad vision, and they all wear glasses. If not glasses, then contact lenses. We are very fortunate to have vision insurance, even though it is some of the worst vision insurance around. It only covers an exam every two years, but eye doctors will not write a prescription that will last longer than a year. So unless I want to buy the children - who are very tough on glasses - six pairs at a time, I'm usually stuck one year in, with trying to figure out how to get their eyes re examined.

I decided last week that I needed to buy my son new glasses. He's been trying to look through the scratches for several months now, and I also wanted to get a new pair for myself. The pair that I wear, although I only wear them at night and first thing in the morning, has a prescription that is more than 10 years old. They give me headaches. But also they are very, very unattractive, and although I know I don't look great in glasses, I thought I might be able to find a pair that was slightly less hideous.

Being that this is an off year for our insurance, I decided that my son and I would go to the place that rhymes with "Schmerika's Fest". After all, they offer two pair of glasses plus a free exam for just $69.95. I figured at that cost, I could afford for both of us to get new glasses.

My first hint that maybe this wasn't a good idea was in the initial exam, when I was asked if I wanted to spend $15 extra dollars per person to have the health of my eyes assessed. I was little puzzled– wasn't that the point of having eye exam? No, I did not want to spend $15 a person. The technician was baffled. Why would you not want to do that she wondered, surely your eye health is worth a measly $30?

No. Lead me to the next step, if you please. 

Both eye exams went off without any further hitch. Neither one of our prescriptions have changed much, and so then we went out to choose our new frames. We both found frames, and then it became time to place the order. I had come in on a 2 pair of eyeglasses for $69.95 promo. Imagine my shock when I was handed the bill for more than $500.

Five. Hundred. Dollars.

I asked why there was a difference. I was told mumbo-jumbo about "difficult prescriptions", the age of my son, how thick my lenses would be, and the fact that we needed plastic lenses, because my eyes were supremely difficult to fit and so on and so on. In fact, my eyes were just so supremely difficult to fit that the eye doctor walked right into the back room and pulled out a standard pair of contact lenses. That's how difficult my prescription is.

My two pair of glasses alone totaled $228. When I asked how much it would be if I only bought one pair of glasses, I was told $268. Apparently, you get a $40 discount if you buy a second pair of eyeglasses. Tell me, in what world does this make sense?

I declined to purchase my glasses. I did however, purchase glasses for my son, mostly because he has a very difficult time finding glasses that he likes, and he had found two pair that he really did like. When we ordered them though, I made very certain that I discovered what his pupillary distance was, so that I will never be forced to buy glasses at this price again. 

I knew I could have bought eye glasses online, but we needed new prescriptions, and I thought $69.95 was a good deal. After all, I'd pay more than that just to get our eyes examined anywhere.

I then went to Walmart. I could've ordered my own eyeglasses online, except that I do not know what my pupillary distance is, and I don't want to guess at it. So I went to Walmart, found a cheap pair of frames for $18, and bought a pair of glasses for less than $40.

And I found out what my pupillary distance is. So now, at least for both of us, I can buy glasses online.

And you better believe that I am not going back to the place that rhymes with "Schmericka's Fest".

Oh, You Selfish, Selfish Idiot

I saw something online this week, something that gave me pause. In the post, the writer was lamenting the loss of cheer and fun in holiday parties. Nothing wrong with that, right? No big deal. Everyone has an opinion. It was the next part of the conversation that threw me, though.

In part, she blamed food allergies. Food allergies, and those who have them, well, they suck all the fun out of Christmas parties. It's difficult to make food for a party if you've got to be worried about that. It's no fun.

This reminded me of the year that I was a room mother for one of my children's classes, and one of the other room mothers wanted to buy a very elaborate birthday cake for the Christmas party. When I told her that it was not going to be safe for those with food allergies, she replied "I don't care about those with food allergies. They can just do without.Those kids are selfish to keep the fun of this gorgeous cake from the rest of the class."

Yes. She FOR REAL said that. 

People who have food allergies can just do without. Food allergies make party planning difficult. People with food allergies like to create a disturbance, they are selfish and only think of themselves. Why do I have to avoid having all of the good stuff, why do I have to plan a party with courtesy and kindness and empathy - why can't I just do what I want???

Hold up, you guys. I'm getting up on my soapbox. It's a pretty tall one, and I might need some help. Also, I might need someone to hold my earrings.

I'm really, really sorry that my food allergic kids have ruined your Christmas parties. No, I'm not. I'm not sorry for you. I'm sorry for my children. Those children with food allergies – they didn't pick those food allergies. In fact, I venture to say that no one I know would pick a food allergy. It's not "in", it's not "cool", or "chic". In fact, it really sucks. 

You know what might ruin your party more than the inability to serve walnut brownies? It might ruin your party if someone died at it.

I've heard that's a showstopper. A downer of a party trick. 

I know - I'm not accomplishing anything by writing this post. The woman who complained online – she will probably never read this. Even if she did, it wouldn't really matter to her. In her mind, food allergies = party flop. I'm not changing minds here. I'm not solving problems - I'm just venting. And I'm cool with that. 

Here are some facts to chew on - and as a bonus, they contain none of the top 8 food allergens. 

- Anaphylactic food allergies can affect up to 25% of all school children.

- Anaphylactic Allergies are considered a disability under Section 504 of the Americans with Disabilities Act. That is a legal document, yo, and schools have to follow it. In fact, the document says - 

Section 504 is federal civil rights law under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. It provides protection against discrimination for individuals with disabilities. Students in school settings fall under the civil rights protection of Section 504. The law and regulations prohibits discrimination on the basis of disability from all school programs and activities in both public and private schools receiving direct or indirect federal funding.

- Excluding foods from a party will not harm your child. Including that food might harm or kill mine. 

So. 

I get it, I really do. 

You want to have a holiday party, either at school or in your home. One in which everyone can participate and have a good time and not be reduced to water and more water as a party food. But someone is allergic to nuts, another has a gluten intolerance, and one breaks out in hives with milk. A fourth can't do food coloring and one of the moms has a shellfish allergy.  What's a hostess to do?

OPEN YOUR MOUTH and talk to the food allergic students and their parents or your potential guests - who first and foremost, are people. They aren't trying to make your life more difficult, they aren't forcing you to do anything you wouldn't do for any guest with any type of handicap. Let's look at it this way - What if you invited a sight impaired individual? Someone wheelchair bound, or missing an arm? Would you move the extra stuff out of the way to facilitate easier movement, tell them that the really yummy cookies are at 3 o'clock on the table, and do the things to make those people comfortable? Of course you would. Because you would never want to be the person who made a party unenjoyable for your company. You want everyone to have fun. 

So do the things to make a food allergic person comfortable. Ask what they can eat, ask what foods are off limits. Is there a particular brand? A certain favorite treat? Often, individuals with food allergies will offer to bring a dish - that way, they know there's something safe to eat. One time, a friend told me that she'd sent in a Hershey Bar every year for my son when she sent in birthday treats - she knew he couldn't eat the cupcakes but she really wanted him to have a treat. It was a tiny thing to her, but it meant the world to me - she took the time to think of my kid.

Sometimes, certain individuals in my life have so much anxiety about food at parties that they just avoid eating at all - and there is no sight more sad than a kid, watching everyone else eat cupcakes while he has nothing - because no one cared enough to let me know, or find something he could eat. 

I've seen that exact scenario play out. 

Be a considerate, kind and courteous hostess or room mother. Think of that food allergic kid as a kid first, and not a gigantic red STOP SIGN in your path. Because that FA kid is really just a kid, a kid who wants to have fun at a party with his friends, a kid who doesn't want to get sick, a kid who doesn't want to end up in the hospital,

a kid just like your own. 

An Open Letter to The Mall Kiosk Employee

I hate open letters. I mean I really, really hate open letters. Used correctly, they can be somewhat useful, but mostly, they are overdone.

I hope like hell this one is not overdone.

I tried to come back here several times in the past week. I wanted to give you an update on my father-in-law, but I couldn't find the strength to do so. He passed away on Friday, November 1, and in a future post, I will share what happened, because the moment of his death was a true testimony to his faith – and it gives me goosebumps to reflect on it.

But that is not what this post is about.

I was left in charge of his funeral, mostly because my father-in-law thought I was the best person to handle it, so the past week has been one of much emotion for me. Death is never an easy time for anyone, death brings drama and hurt feelings and frustrations right to the surface - and my father in law and I had grown close over the past months. I was his full time nursing care provider. Although I knew he was going, and I feel at peace with this fact, I've still been an emotional, mental, and physical wreck for the past 10 days - the time he was in the hospital, the day he passed, and up until now. There are so many details when it comes to laying someone to rest. Details that I didn't even understand, things about which I had no concept, but now with which I am all-too-familiar.

Like, tights.

Yes, tights. Like, the tights you wear.

I didn't even really stop to think that when I needed proper funeral clothes for my children, that would include black tights for my youngest girls. I took a trip to the mall today, because I have had no luck buying black tights anywhere else. I walked up and down the mall couple of times, looking in this store and that store, and not finding much.

I also needed to buy a sweater for myself. I did find that. So, score there.

At the mall, the center space in the aisles is filled with kiosks. Hocking everything from make up to lotion to threading, flat irons, jewelry, and cell phone plans – they are everywhere. I do not begrudge anyone the need to make a living. I totally understand that. I'm very good at walking past them, ignoring when they try to engage, and saying no thank you. I am polite.

I am POLITE. I wave, say no thank you, and move on. I'm not going to buy from them, but I respect their efforts.

Today, I walked past a kiosk for a company called Mineral Cosmetics JJ. I walked past the salesman twice. The first time, I said, "No thank you", and moved on. The second time, I said "No Thank You", and as I walked past, he said "Expletive deleted. You couldn't afford it anyway."

I deleted the expletive. He didn't.

What was the company called again? Oh, yes. Mineral Cosmetics JJ.

I wheeled around, and asked him to repeat himself. He immediately became flustered, and denied ever saying anything at all. I know what he said. I heard it loud and clear, just as if it was broadcast over the radio. He knows what he said, and I know that he knows this, because I could see it in his face.

Here's the thing, Mineral Cosmetics JJ sales person who works at a kiosk in the mall.

Not everyone who comes to the mall is coming for a good time. Not everyone who comes to the mall is there to see Santa, buy a wedding dress, look for prom shoes, or spend a bonus check. Some of us are there because something very terrible happened in their life, and they need to groom themselves and clothe themselves appropriately. You had no right to insult me. You had no right to cast aspersions on me, because I wouldn't stop and let you put some of your cheap, disgusting, crappily made cosmetics on my face.

You.Had.NO.RIGHT.

You may have been having a bad day. Maybe you haven't made any sales. Maybe you don't like your job. But I would be willing to bet that the last 10 days for me have been much worse than anything you have ever imagined.

Mall kiosk workers of the world, take note: I will spell this out for you. You are welcome to advertise your products, but if a person says no, doesn't engage, or seems as if they're not interested – they aren't.

Not everyone comes to the mall to have a good time.

____________

I left the mall. I drove away, shaking and crying and completely upset. I sat at a stoplight, and decided that, by leaving, I'd let him know that it was appropriate to say these things. That it was ok to be rude and say something that was so hurtful that it made me cry - although every damned thing makes me cry. I went and spoke to the mall manager, who swears to handle it and follow up.

I hope he does.

Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise

My daughter had a vocal show this past weekend.

We made jello salad.

This might be long. Grab a cup of coffee - you did enter the Keurig giveaway, yes? - and get comfy.

Who remembers the jello salads of the 70's? When I was in culinary school and we did our salads course, the history of Jello salads was much maligned. I don't know why everyone got so bent out of shape - I happen to be fairly common and love me some jello salad once in a while. I never quite understood how a mixture of jello and cottage cheese and whipped cream could be classifed as a salad - even if it was unmolded onto a bed of lettuces. Especially when my mom makes the one she makes for every holiday meal - but I'll discuss that in another post.

Stay focused, Carmen. You can do it.

My daughter came home with her assignment for the show, and she was unhappy. That's part of life on the stage, I told her - you will not like your number, you'll think you should have had another piece, you'll be envious of another's role. I tried like crazy to explain to her that there was a reason she was given the piece she was given, no one was laughing at her but at her actions and the lyrics, but she wanted no explanation. It wasn't a SONG, it was a RECITED piece, everyone is making fun of me, oh, my GOD, MOM, you don't know ANYTHING, just leave me alone.

It wasn't until her teacher told her that it was a piece that she herself had done for the Virginia Opera, and that this was a legacy piece, and she'd been specially chosen for it, that my kid unbent. And I'm super glad she did, because my kid rocked this piece like no other. What was the piece?

Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise. From my favorite and best Wikipedia:

The song was hysterical, and She ROCKED it. Did I say that already? She made up a persona of a high falutin' snotty women's club president, discussing the dishes that other women made - and she was a riot, with gestures and a total deadpan expression as she delivered punch line after punch line, almost daring us to laugh - and laugh we did. After she finished the first show, and realized what a hit the song was, she asked if we could make Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise as a treat for the other cast members.

I had no idea that there was even such a thing, but she assured me that there was - and a quick Google search showed me that this was, indeed, a real thing. And so I made it for her to take to the second show, thinking all the while that I was throwing away $20 and a couple of hours of time, but doing it for her, because I knew it was something that could bring another level to her show - and after the disaster of the beginning of the assignment, I really wanted to celebrate the fact that this piece was spot on for her personality. (My husband calls her a female Jim Carrey and I don't think it's a coincidence that she was born on Lucille Ball's birthday - I'm just sayin'.)

Ingredients - notice that I subbed whipping cream for Cool Whip - I have a moral objetive to Cool Whip, I think it's vile stuff.

 After it was mixed, I put a bit into cups - not an entire serving, because I knew that no one would eat this stuff - I mean, really, COTTAGE CHEESE? Bleck. I made 20 cups, and there were well more than 20 people in the show, but I figured every person wouldn't want to try it - and so I thought we'd be fine. Probably have leftovers, I thought to myself.

Every single cup was eaten. Every one. I watched in puzzlement as these kids scarfed down the cups, and I asked one boy, "Is it ok?"  He nodded as he gobbled it down, saying, "It's delicious!"

Will wonders never cease.

 Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise. It was a total surprise to us.

Here's the recipe, if you have a desire to make this.

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There's a new photo/video processing app out on the market, and it's a pretty snazzy one. Called Magisto, it's a way to create a movie on your phone or computer - using photos and videos you already have. I made a movie (it's a movie about a sponsored trip that I took with my daughter, and I'll be writing about it very soon, I promise!) and I think it's a great one - go watch it, and make your own! (Magisto will be at BlogHer PRO '13 this week. If you are in attendance, visit their space at the conference to learn more.)