Having those difficult conversations.
No one really enjoys that.
I try to be as open and honest as many of us, but I'm still slightly squeamish when certain personal topics come up. Thankfully, periods are no longer one of them. I've gone through that talk with a couple of kids now, and it definitely did get easier the more I did it. Some topics will never get easier, though - "Mom, what's the deal with that book that talk about the different shades of a lighter black color?"
Yeah. That one was a little bit awkward. Especially since it was a boy who asked me, in front of his younger sisters. Talk about uncomfortable.
One thing that has helped me quite a bit is the concept of Car Talk. Somehow, the most intimate and personal topics can be discussed with little embarrassment on the part of either of us - as long as we are both looking straight ahead and traveling down the road at 55 mph. If we have to look into each other's eyes, it makes the entire discussion much too intimate and we soon find ourselves discussing the weather.
I also try, as much as possible, to avoid the overshare. Even if she asks, she really doesn't want to know the answers to What did you do when you were my age, Mom? I pinky promise - those mental images just don't need to be there for her. I try to answer the question that's asked with the correct answer, avoiding an overshare, and declining to go into great detail. If she wants it, trust me, she'll ask for clarification and further education.
We've all heard the story of a child asking a simple question, getting a very complicated answer from the parent, and then the parent realizes that a much more simple answer would have sufficed. Don't go overboard.
My own mother was not comfortable discussing these types of personal information with me. I can't fault her, as her own mother didn't emgage in these discussions, and it was also a much different, more closed time. I was so afraid to ask questions that I just didn't, preferring to find my information in books ad from friends. There's a LOT of misinformation to be found this way, and so I decided that, when the time came, I'd force myself to be open if I was uncomfortable.
If you need help broaching those tough conversations, there are some great tips to be found at The Kotex site - such as a calendar with facts about puberty, questions your daughter may ask, ways to start the conversation and more - even if you have already had "the talk", it's a great place to refresh your information. There's also a teenage specific page that can be a great way to open the lines of communication with your daughter.
“I wrote this review while participating in a Brand Ambassador Campaign by Mom Central Consulting on behalf of U by Kotex Tween and received products to facilitate my post and a promotional item to thank me for taking the time to participate.”
I'm big on not oversharing, but I always tell my girls the truth, no matter how embarrassing it may be (for them, not me - very little embarrasses me at this point). Direct and honest without judgment. So far it's working out well. They've come to me with some doozies.
Posted by: Tara | July 23, 2012 at 02:00 PM
The car talk works great. The walk and talk is helpful also. The sitting back-to-back because we have no other options talk works in a pinch.
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